For feeling so trapped in my own life?

[mampam]

We're off to a wedding on Saturday and I am filled with dread about going. The last time we went to something like this was last year to a Christening and DH and I were treated like social outcasts.

Basically anyone who is friends with or even seems to just know my exH and his wife will not speak to me or acknowledge me and if they do it's very awkward. This includes people who I have been friends with and have known for a long time. At the christening last year, no one spoke to us, walked away when I tried to speak to them, sniggered at us and gave us filthy looks.

ExH and I split up nearly 6 years ago when I found out he was having an affair, I didn't cause them any trouble, I just let him get on with it as it was quite obvious from the start that he wanted to be with her. They are now married.

I have (until recently) always maintained a good relationship with my ex's family. I have always been much closer to them than my own family. They came to my wedding when DH and I got married nearly 3 years ago but because of this ex didn't speak to any of them for nearly 2 years. He even asked mutual friends of ours not to go to my wedding and even though they had replied yes they never turned up.

Ex and his family have made up now but on a kind of 'if you still talk to her then we won't have anything to do with you' basis. So now I get ignored by most of them too. Don't get me wrong I know that family should always come first but is it so unreasonable of me to ask for a 'hello' from people who I was once very close to?

I feel like a real mug. I know I've been used. If it wasn't for me these people wouldn't have seen their grandchildren for 2 years, I've taken them shopping, to doctors appointments, hospital appointments to name but a few things.

I just wonder what my exH and his wife say to people to make them stop speaking to me altogether? And are people so fickle that they will just go along with what other people want?

There's no getting away from exH and his wife. We have 2 DC's together who get told things and seem to hang off their every word too.

AIBU to feel trapped by these people, like there is no escape and just want to emigrate to get away from them!

I wouldn't bother going to the wedding if the guests are going to make you so uncomfortable

How bizarre. Your exH must be extremely childish. I don't know what to suggest, although I'm assuming you have a group of friends who aren't connected to your ex in any way so you don't always have to endure stuff like this. Personally if I knew this was going to happen then I'd be making my excuses and not going to the wedding (although then I'd feel bad about letting down the bride and groom). Anyway, I'll stop rambling and say YANBU and hopefully someone will give you some good advice soon.

Don't accept any more invitations from this group of people
look on it as the last one
life's too short

why on earth would people invite you and then ignore you??? it's just bizarre. it really is a case of making sure you have to take this behaviour as little as humanly possible, and trying to rise above it when you have to put up with it for DCs' sake. model good behaviour, and they will eventually realise how infantile their father's family have been to you

I'm 34 weeks pregnant so I will have a valid reason for leaving early if need be.

We do know a couple of other people who are going so I just hope it won't be as bad as the christening.

My friends always say hello to my ex when they see him, I have no problem with this and why would I?

Just seems odd to me that ex/wife would be like this.

Move on. Move away (emotionally I mean).

Seems to me that your ex has probably told them all manner of terrible things about you. The way they treat you doesn't make sense otherwise - ignore you? snigger about you?

Everyone your ex knows treats you this way. Either they are all nuts or they've all been told stuff.

So you can either go up to them and ask them straight out why they are behaving this way, or you can change who you associate with. Find people your ex doesn't know. create a new circle of friends that are not involved with him in any way. Separate your lives totally.

you know, sometimes when someone has treated another person really badly - like having an affair and leaving them - the only way they can deal with it is to demonise their 'victim'. Otherwise they are just the sack of shit who betrayed a good person.

We are friends with the people who invite us, it's only people who are friends of ex and wife (other guests) who act like this towards us.

yes i was recreated as an 'mentally disturbed' girlfriend when my boyf at uni had a year-long affair. karma pays them back eventually (the woman he eventually married insisted he cut ties with all his oldest friends in order to be with her for some reason or other. er... who exactly is mentally disturbed???)

It sounds utterly horrible, I just wouldn't go in your position.

I am not friends with anyone who I know is directly friends with my ex (couldn't if I wanted to be as they all ignore me!). We live in such a small rural community that unfortunately our paths do cross with these other people, so much so that it even gets embarrassing in the supermarket when I'm being aisle dodged!!!

I just wish people would make up their own minds rather that going on what someone else tells them and I just wish that I had the balls to confront these people!!