to feel sad about this

[Laquitar]

This is -mainly- a women's forum and even has a section on feminism. And many threads about women's rights at work, maternity rights etc.

Then if you look at the childcare section out of 10 threads where OP has 'problems' with nanny, in 9 cases the nanny happens to be pregnant! All happy for a year or 2 and the minute the nanny announces her pregnancy suddenly all her faults come into the light And all the legal advice on how to get rid begins.

AIBU to feel sad about this and to feel that we dont need men to sabotage us, we can do that to each other .

YANBU!!!
for sure!

One of my very dearest friends is a nanny. She works for a family with DS with SN and a DD, both under 10yo. Both parents are doctors and work very long, unsociable hours.

She takes her DS (18mo) with her. Sleeps over with him when she has to etc and is planning another baby soon. Her employers are fantastic and have always supported her. She gets the same maternity rights as another mum to be and has never felt the need to leave due to "her faults coming to light"

It would seem her employers are a rare breed.

What a shame.

Yes i know what you mean Mint and i agree with you. (although then we should have the same empathy for the male employer of a small office or shop).

I meant to add in my OP that it isn't only at work. In real life often when a woman is pregnant she suddenly becomes a 'cow' and this comes from female friends. Imagine if it was coming from a man!

??? YABa bitU (and exagerating re the number of posts!!!!!) - Like it or not a pregnant nanny can create a huge difficulty for parents. They get a nanny because other childcare arrangements don't work for them, and if a pregnant nanny suffers with major pregnancy related illnesses it can cause major problems for the parent's employment. And then there's the issue of the nanny's child later on, if the nanny brings their child to work then the dynamics of the arrangement change dramatically. Other people dont get to take their children to work with them, so understandably some parents feel that it's unfair of a nanny to 'expect' to be able to bring their child to work with them.

A lot of women change careers because their old career is not conducive to motherhood, and sometimes the position of nanny may not be conducive with motherhood either (especially if it is a position with long hours).

For some families and nannies it all works out, but for others it doesn't. (And I speak as someone who has had a nanny who brought her own child to work with her when looking after DS!)

No i understand about returning to work with own child, this shouldn't be taken as a right . Mind you many families are looking for nanny with own child in order to save money on the wages.

It is the agression that sometimes i have witnessed from women towards pregnant women that makes me sad and the double standards that we sometimes have.

MintHumbug - If it was the sole employee in a business and the work ground to a complete halt because the 'employee' was pregnant then tbh it doesn't matter whether it comes from a woman, man or a martian!

If THIS job was capable of being done in less hours, then fine, but if that were the case a lot of parents would have chosen a nursery instead!

YANBU - it is double standards. I work in a heavily female industry (fashion) and we are our worst enemies. It's the female senior directors who are the worse. They don't want to spend time with their kids so they don't want you to spend time with yours either.

I had one female chief exec who worked 16 hour days and had a nanny who must have been covering that time and she used to boast at how cheap her childcare was when bullying me to do the same so that I could do longer hours. Her kids were just a tick in the box of her big life plan. She used to go on holiday with the nanny and not see the kids on the "family holiday". Her husband was a city trader so he was never around either. If I was that nanny I'd be spitting in the soup on a daily basis.

I understand this was her life plan - but it wasn't mine to be bullied into. I couldn't afford £1200 for a nanny and didn't have a room to put a nanny in...

Incidentally she used to wonder why the youngest of her 3 dc used to come into their bedroom at 3am and repeatedly bang the door against the wall until she paid her any attention - and bolloc the nanny for not getting up and sorting it out. Poor nanny was probably exhausted.

I bet she picked her dc's up with tweezers

A lot of sense! I do understand - My DH employs less than 5 employees (fulltime), and it would prove difficult for him if one of the females were to become pregnant, but not insurmountable. There would be some difficult juggling, but I know he would make sure that some acceptable arrangement would be reached (because ironically his female employees have turned out WAY better than his previous male employees and he would want to make sure they could keep working!!!!).

But for us to reach that sort of an arrangement with a nanny at home would be different. A client can deal with someone jobsharing for example, but do you want to confuse your children with different carers (especially ad hoc if it is last minute filling in when the nanny is ill)? Especially as that is part of the reason why some people (such as myself!) chose a nanny, for the consistency of care which I didn't feel DS received at the nursery.

But jobs in the personal services industry feel more personal because they are different anyway, aren't they? Especially when that person is in your home.

Funnily enough (but nice on that double standards front) I have noticed with the threads that it is not usually the OP who has these views, but other women, and I can't imagine that all of them have nannies so their double standards hopefully wouldn't ever impact a person! The OPs have usually wanted to treat their nanny as fairly as possible.

I am one of those employers with less than 5 employees. Not only that but they are all females because of the nature of my bussiness. I will probably have to face this at some point and yes it will be a pain but i will never give hell time to any of them because she is pregnant. I wouldn't like myself to be treated harsh when i was pregnant so i will never do it to another woman.

When you become an employer -bussiness or nanny employer- you know that you are taking responsibilities.Not everything has to suit you, women do fall pregnant.that's life.

Women do not like other women plain and simple

They also say that a woman who is supported during pregnancy and childcare is an employee for life.

I had one female director who was amazing, I would follow her to any company and I'd take a cut in salary to work for her again. She was so sensitive, helpful and understanding that I used to try really hard to be an outstanding employee for her. She allowed flexibility, asked about the DC's, let them come into work for a day in hols, made sure you left your desk on time and gave you an early afternoon for bedtime stories....

God I loved her. Needless to say after standing up for a team's legal employment rights once too often scary Chief Exec mentioned above had her marched off the premises following an interview without coffee.

And yes Runawaywife, women do not like women, look at the way they rip each other apart on forums like these...

I know for a fact our nanny is ttc, and we would never try to oust her if she got pregnant! Don't tar us all with the same brush!

I am keenly aware of how employers can shaft employees when they get pregnant/go on maternity leave (has happened to me) and would never inflict this on another woman.

If you employ a nanny, you have a legal obligation to treat her fairly and you should also feel a moral obligation, as one woman to another, to treat her how you would want to be treated.

APassionateWoman, (nice name), you and the director lottaluvin describes sound fab employers. Good to hear cases like this.

Yes laquitar, I was going to enquire on whether I could get a job with some of the peeps on here, they sound great.

It's bizarre how there are even people on here moaning about maternity rights and how hard they are for employers. You never hear these people complaining about carer's rights to flexible working or men falling sick, etc.

In my experience, mothers of small children were often the hardest working and most productive employees because they knew there's no spare time in the day to catch up. If you are generous and helpful, you will be repaid over and over with a loyal and committed workforce. It would never occur to me not to employ a woman of childbearing age.