...to not let my son have a day off college because of a

[Manda25]

cold sore !! A little bit of history... a year ago he (aged 18) got his first sore - it spread to his mouth and throat and he was really ill....couldnt eat for 2 weeks/weak and tired. He is a really good college attender.
He is really worrying the cold sore he now has is going to spread like it did last time and wants to 'treat' it at home - and doesn't want to be at college with white lips (he seems genuinely scared/worried). Today i brought him vitamins/garlic capsules/zorvirax and lip balm containing sun screen - all suggested on the internet.

AIBU to insist he goes to college tomorrow - and is it even any of my business if he goes or not??

A) Yab a bit U
B) If he's nineteen, then no, it's not your business. Neither is it your fault if he fails his course because he took too many days off.

I think at that age it has to be his choice, he is old enough to take responsibility for himself. So I think by all means encourage him to go, reassure him that he will be fine etc, but YABU to 'not let' him stay at home.

YABU he is an ADULT!! and he is also quite right, cold sores are caused by a virus and you can often feel like shit when they flare up - i had a cold sore on my foot once - the doctor signed me off work for a week!

At that age surely he is responsible for going ot college or not? If he doesn't go it's his own lookout, they're not going to ask for a note from his mum.

I do understand that he is an adult (although not so much of an adult that he didn't get off his arse today and go buy his own medication) ...however ...this cold sore has not spread and might not...it is just a cold sore !! He hasnt missed any college since the last 2 week episode ...but thanks ...i will et him do what he wants

Definitely BU to interfer in a 19 yr olds life to the point of "not letting him" have a day off of college. He's an adult now, I was working full time in a good job in the city by the age - I'd never have "asked" them if i could take the day off work sick...

Leave him to it - coldsores can make you feel shite too.

YABU
At his age he needs to be responsible for his actions.
It's none of your business, sorry

i do feel your pain, i had to stand back and watch my DD drop out of college when she was going great guns, but it was her choice to make, not mine

He's 19 (!!) and you're talking as if he's 9!

Seriously, if he doesn't want to go to college cos of it, then leave him to it. He'll catch up. (hopefully!)

But it has be his decision to make. In a years time, when he's 20, would you still be asking this question (if he were at work)?

When I left school my decisions were my own. And so were the consequences!

Hes 19-what else dont you let him do? YABU.

In this day of the internet and all sorts of electronic gadgets, he wouldn't really miss anything at college. (I guess it depends what he is studying.)

He can easily keep up to date via friends etc.

I think the only reason a lot of the young ones are at college is for the social aspect of it all and that's the way it should be.

Most of the actual learning involved can actually be done off campus.

My DD has a teaching degree but is now studying for a degree in theology.

She actually only goes to the Uni a couple of times a semester. She communicates with lecturers tutors etc. by skype, e-mail, messenger etc.

He is an adult, and as you said a good student. I'd let him make his own decision.
Does he have any underlying health conditions?

My son would suffer with severe cold sore flares ups, incredibly painful, like an abscessed tooth type of pain, whenever his immune system was weak. (he has a blood disorder) So he felt ill from whatever bug he had, plus in a lot of pain.

You can get these great 'patches' for coldsores, it heals them up really quickly. They are small (you can use more than one if you need to cover a bigger area), clear and only a little bit shiney... it clears my god-daughters cold sores up really quickly (it also stops them fiddling with them!!).

YWBU to even think about allowing or not allowing a 19 year old to stay home/go to schoolcollege... he's far too old for 'allowing'!!

Ok ok I've been told !! I know i wrote 'not let him' but i guess i meant not agree with him!
Minthumbug - thanks for the info ...i did show him a similar site.
Valpoll - i get your point about when he is 20 - but in the same vein - he couldn't exactly take a day off work in case he gets a cold sore either.
I have left him in bed.

Just out of interest what are the rules in having a 19 yr old living in the family home (i also have a 7 yr old) ?? are they allowed to do anything they want ?? and as a parent we should never interfere??
I only ask because i have no experience of living at home past the age of 16.

Thanks all for your input - it wasn't too painful

I imagine it is quite awkward to have grown up children living at home; like yourself I have no experience. Would it help to think of him as a lodger? So he has to stick to any ground rules that affect you as a family- i.e. not waking the house up at night. But anything that only affects himself is his responsibility.

Having said that, I don't think it would be wholly unjustified to offer a piece of friendly advice, as you might to another young adult who seemed about to make a foolish choice. But will probably go down better if you manage to put it across in an adult-to-adult way. I'd advise my brother (tactfully) if I felt he needed it, and he's 50.

You can't 'not let him' but you can tell him you think he is being a ridiculous drama queen and say that he is perfectly well enough to go to the shops for his own medication.

Sounds as if there might be other issues ? Do you really feel that he just does what he wants all the time ? I think that if you do, you need to sit down and draw up some rules. At some point soon he'll have to fly the nest and may have to live in shared accomodation with others. Best lay the ground work for that now!

if hes anything like my ds1 hes 18 going on 11 and i know what you mean by "let him" I would do my best to get him to go but ultimately if he refused not a lot you can do

When my children were college age but over 18 I had some very simple guidelines (being a woolly old anarchist I don't like "rules")and these were about consideration. Don't come home in the early hours and vomit on the stairs, don't expect food to be cooked for non-existent people and do your own washing up - and any of mine that's in the bowl! Oh, and if girlfriends come home, none of us need to hear you shagging.

PS. Anyone skipping college was responsible for taking the calls from college. Also, financial support stops when full time education comes to an end so there wasn't life choice called "Discovering Myself (at Your Expense) on the Sofa".

Thanks again for the replys. Sassy - there are no other issues - he is a really good 'kid' - he is very respectful, does cleaning around the house (without being asked) goes to college every day and is off to uni in sept. However he also has his girlfriends staying over and comes and goes as he pleases as long as he texts me and let me know if he is staying out and is safe.

I guess i am just trying to find the balance of him being an adult but 'living under my roof' - i also financially support and have always agreed to do his until he has finished his education. It is difficult to know how to and where to draw the line because i left home so young (to have him i might add lol)
Thanks again