to want some time to myself???

[OTTMummA]

I have just been hired for a full time job after being a SAHM for 2.3 yrs, and although am looking forward to it am a bit worried about DC going into full time care, dispite feeling confident and happy with the childcare we will be using.

My job will be doing shifts, so i won't be dropping off or picking up DC often may twice a week etc, as DH's job is closer to the childcare and his hours are set and more suited for him to collect DC.

I told a friend this situation and i also said that if i have a day off in the week i will still take DC to childcare and have a day, or half day to myself, or even to do things like shopping ( food ) or meet up with some long lost friends for lunch lol, she didn't seem very supportive after i mentioned this and actually told me that behaviour was selfish etc and i should be spending every second with DC whenever i can.

although i agree with her a little, i don't see why i should be begrudged 1 day to myself.
I haven't been out much at all less than once a month since DC has been born and i have no close family near by only MIL who babysits one afternoon here and there.

I suffered from depression most my life aswell and TBH having time alone is very much needed ( i know why did i think having a baby was a good idea! )

and I am really looking forward to having a little more freedom.

I basically see DH, DC, and DFIL everyday and thats it! I don't get to have normal conversations with anyone else or even go to the doctors by myself, and have had to have some pretty intimate stuff done whilst holding or entertaining a baby.

am i wrong to feel a little miffed that my friend thinks i shouldn't feel so happy about having some freedom back?

You don't have to justify yourself, do what's best for your own family and your sanity.

is she jealous?

I used to do this on the odd occasion when DS was in nursery (i worked full time)

I am returning to work in 6 weeks (after mat leave with DD) and i will use my childcare to do things for ME

exclusively breastfeeding 24/7 for 6 months and not sleeping longer than 2.5 hours at a time for this long means i can't wait for some time to myself

bloody well good for you

at your "friend" for telling you that you are selfish!
You MOST CERTAINLY ARE NOT SELFISH...no way!

I demand that you shut the converstaion out of your head and bloody well enjoy the fab FAB future that is ahead of you.
If you are happy, and relaxed and content then surely your children will recognise that and they too will benefit.

I think that if you asked 100 people the same thing, 99.8 of them will tell you that you are DEFINITELY not selfish.

YADNBU - your friend is a loon!

Of course you should have a day for you, if childcare is in place.

You would be mad not to use that free day.

well you don't have a right to be miffed because she's entitled to her opinion and that's obviously what suits her.

It's your decision, if you and your DH are happy with that arrangement then it's no one else's business, quite frankly!

thankyou, i was starting to feel a bit guilty about it :S ,, but no this will be a good thing,

I haven't seen her for ages as shes always so busy and just found out shes pregnant again ( she has 3 and this one is 4 ), her and her DH are well off in a much better financial postion than us i believe and shes choosen to be a sahm until they all go to school, which is what i thought i wanted to do, but now i can see that DC needs other involvement and is ready for some independance.

i think im going to book a hair appointment when i get my rota wednesday lol! haven't had a hair cut in over a yr lol

I did the same as you after ds and it is a fantastic break for you. enjoy this precious time and ignore other peoples harsh judgements.

if you are happy to have some time to yourself and if the children are happy in childcare then go for it.

If you kept them out of daycare, what would they be doing? Coming round the supermarket with you? Watching you do the cleaning etc? Nursery/childminder would be much more fun.

I went back to teaching when dd was 11 months and many people were critical of me still sending ehr to nursery during the school hols - i ignored them and did it anyway and dont think for one moment it was selfish of me.

also, you say she is a SAHM, well then she is either genuinely happy doing that and wishes to spend every single second with her children (and doesnt "get" that you don't) OR she is a bit jealous.

another point is that my nursery charged if ds was there or not excluding a reduced rate 4 weeks of the year for holidays. Taking ds out for those times would have been a waste of money.

Tell her you will be spending the time dusting doorframes, airing linens and grinding your own flour.

Then do whatever the feck you like.

I started work a few months ago and really relish being able to go to a cafe and just have a coffee and a sandwich in peace.

However I did ask my friend if he needed to go to the toilet before we left... he made a face like and I had to hurriedly excuse myself by saying that I was used to having a 3 year old in tow.

lol, Nemofish - ive done that one before, DH did not appreciate it infront of his boss!

Ive also done a kiss noise to my ex boss when i bumped into her in the street - its a common thing me and DC do to each other, and i have no idea why i did it to her, haven't seen her since

Went for a day out in a friend's car, all the way through the journey I was chirping 'oh look, a cow! Mooooo!' 'Oh look, a sheep, baaaa!' fortunately my friends were very immature understanding and ended up joining in...

Dd is 4 now and it feels like a total luxury when she buggers off goes to play next door with her friend and me and dh can sit and have a whole conversation to ourselves. It makes me appreciate dd more when she gets in. Don't be tricked into feeling guilty.

you sound very normal and human!

You are absolutely not being selfish and I hope you enjoy every minute you get to yourself. I am sure it will make you a better mother, wife and employee if you get some space where you can just be you! Also, from the point of view of your DC it will probably be easier to settle at childcare if each week follows roughly the same pattern - ime toddlers thrive on routine.

Your poor friend is jealous (and hormonal [slightly patronising emoticon]). Perhaps she needs to find a way to get some time to herself...

YA Absolutely NBU.

I think time to ourselves is precious and some people just don't get how much we need it.

My situation is different from yours but I have been looking forward to having teh house to myself tonight for over a week.

And then a friend came over to pick something up and my DH said "Oh BBM is home alone tonight as I am going out with the boys. Stay and have a glass of wine". I gave him such a look that he knew he had said the wrong thing. Thankfully friend said she couldn't stay so I do have the house to myself.

Your friend is BVU and is probably jealous.

Don't listen to her.

YANBU. And you don't have to justify it to anyone else, if your DC are happy and it works for your family, then it's no one else's business.

Like gingernutlover I teach, in my case 3 days a week. Over the Easter hols I took DD out of nursery two of the days she would normally attend, so I could spend some quality time with her. The other days, she went in and had a great time with her friends while I sat on mumsnet and watched TV got the house sorted.

I'm putting DD in with the childminder before I return to work so I can finish painting the house and garden shed!! Time for me to relax (I love painting). Makes perfect sense.

Ooh, it sounds lovely. Enjoy your free time.