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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to spend family time together...

15 replies

Oldsilver · 19/04/2010 11:36

Now the sunny weather has arrived, I'd thought it would be nice to take our ds on day trips over the weekend. Its a little difficult as we have to use public transport but have been willing to do all the planning etc. I have been told now by my dp that to ask anything more than an afternoon off him is unreasonable. Saturdays are taken up with ds going to mil with dp, they used to come back at lunch - it was 4.30 this week so saturdays are ruled out. After fil stroke dp has now taken up golf with him on sunday morning (previously nothing could get him out of the sack prior to 11) - he made it back at 1.15 this week. Which shortens the list of actual activities we can do to the local park - which we can do anytime. I suggested that I take ds so he doesn't get to miss out on fun activities but of course this is me being selfish and denying him time with his son. Am I really being that unreasonble to ask that we actually spend a whole day together, as a family at the most once a month...

OP posts:
chandellina · 19/04/2010 11:43

YANBU. He needs to spend both days with his parents? One day should be your family day.

azazello · 19/04/2010 11:50

YANBU. Don't mean to start a row but why does your DS have to see MIL every saturday?

saslou · 19/04/2010 11:52

YANBU. I agree that you should have one day in each weekend just for you, ds and dh. Does he have siblings who could help out with Ils? Even if he does not then it is stil not U to ask him to organise himself differently so you have family time together

Original poster
Oldsilver · 19/04/2010 12:02

Azezello - you haven't started one , originally the idea when ds was a baby was that it would be nice for me to have a lie in as dp didn't do night feeds and also to spend time together dad/son - this soon progressed to being taken round to MIL and now - how could I deny ds his gran cause he loves her so. They are the only gp's he has contact with so I think that they have more than enough time... I also took up swimming for an hour as they were out for so long and if I stop doing this then we might do something on a Saturday apparently.
Saslou - a brother that doesn't have contact and a sister in wales who has a very busy life

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 19/04/2010 12:04

Could they fit in an evening in the week in order to reclaim one of your weekend days?

aconfusedmum · 19/04/2010 12:10

WHy cant they do it on sundays?

Your ds would stay with his nan while daddy and grandad do golf....2 birds 1 stone so leaves sat free?

Mouseface · 19/04/2010 12:37

Read my mind aconfusedmum........ then at least on the saturday, you can plan for a full day out together.

Original poster
Oldsilver · 19/04/2010 13:44

Brilliant idea Mouseface/Aconfusedmum-I suggested myself but FIL friend can only go Sunday (wont go without DP - fraid FIL will conk out on him!) and MIL HAS to do shopping Saturday, with ds and they can't share the car... Not forgetting dp wants to spend time with his mum and can't do that whilst at golf. And it would also deny FIL time with DS. Incidently this Saturday they were late back cause she took ds to town, had a lovely lunch and they went to look at some touristy things and !!!. DP cannot understand why I was very cross after being told this and that IBU. It would be nice if ds could actually have the opportunity to do these things with both his parents. But thanks for the suggestions - I'm bloody, bashing my head against a wall trying to think up some without being accused of trying to split him from his family

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 19/04/2010 13:47

doesnt sound as if they consider you as part of their little family does it?

mamsnet · 19/04/2010 13:53

God, they're way out of line, all of them..

I don't know what to suggest, really but I would be extremely

wishingchair · 19/04/2010 14:18

Well, something has to give. No reason you can't have reasonable conversation with MIL and say that you'd really like to have a day out with DP and DS but current arrangements make that really difficult. What ideas has she got to make it work? You know DS loves his time with her so don't want to take that away but maybe once a month either the Sat or Sun arrangements are cancelled so you can have day out.

I'd circumvent DP to be honest and talk directly with MIL. No need to put him in the middle trying to please everyone.

compo · 19/04/2010 14:21

I would ring mil and say all day Saturday is eating into family time and would they both like to come over for Sunday lunch after golf instead

wishingchair · 19/04/2010 14:23

What compo said. At least every other weekend.

Firawla · 19/04/2010 15:05

yanbu, if he does half sat with mil, half sun with fil cant he put them together on one day & keep one free?
we have sat for inlaws (afternoones but my dh does not get up and ready early normally so not much done sat morning..) and if sun was taken with something too i would be quite annoyed, just 1 day out of 7 is not much to ask..

Original poster
Oldsilver · 19/04/2010 18:11

Thanks to all - I will put the suggestions to him tonight... That is, if he is actually speaking, he tends to sulk and just tell me I am being controlling if I come up with anything that isn't what he wants or has suggested himself and obviously all I want is my own way - grrr! This has been my first post and not too scary so far - thank you

OP posts:
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