what should DH say to his DPs?

[BouncingTurtle]

DH came back on Saturday after taking DSS(9) and DS(2) over to visit his parents (I didn't go as I was working).
He was rather cross, as DSS came back with a very large pack of Haribo, which DH did try to leave behind. DS also came home with another car.

He said he is going to have words with his DPs as he seriously unhappy about DSS being given the sweets - the reason for this is that DSS is overweight, and as we explained to his DPs last time we were over, has been referred to a specialist weight management centre to help him manage his weight. So giving him a very large bag sweets is not a very good idea - it is a temptation he will find hard to resist at a time when he needs all the support he can get to help him lose some weight.

But I am worried that DH is going to come across as being mean and ungrateful. the PILs are lovely, and we are so lucky that our kids have such lovely GPs who love spending time with their DGCs (they have 6 including, DH's DB's DSD who they treat no differently from the others ).

But I myself sometimes wish that they wouldn't feel they need to buy a present for DS or DSS everytime they visited - I hate the idea that the boys will go to their grandparents with the expectation that every time they go they will get a present, I know DSS's mum has had problems with this in the past when DSS through a massive strop at his Godmother when he didn't like the present she bought him, his mum was understandably furious with him and asked the family to restrict presents to Xmas and Birthdays, though that has gone by the way side now, just because of the amount of time that has passed.

I wish they would realise that the boys love going over because they value the time that their grandparents spend with them, and I want the boys to appreciate the fact that they are lucky to have grandparents who think the world of them and love to play with them.

I'm not sure there is a graceful way to tell the PILs not to buy presents and sweets for the boys, I guess it is their prerogative after all! But I think the important issue is the sweets - I don't think the GPs realise how serious DSS's weight problem is, he is only 9 and if it is not tackled now, it'll be worse when he hits puberty - and not only is there serious implications for his health, he is already suffering bullying at school , which IS being addressed, but both DH and DSS's mum have said they don't want DSS don't want to give the bullies yet more ammo.

Any words of wisdom for DH?

(And well done if you got through that essay!)

PS I'm probably going to have to come back to this much later, as need to get ready to go out!

Thanks Minthumbug, that is a good idea. Think DH is planning on ringing them tonight and I don't want him going in all guns blazing!

I think YABU if you try to ban them for buying any presents or small treats for them, it probably brings them joy to buy little things for them and see the children happy but yanbu about the sweets so I think minthumbugs suggestion is right, just ask not to give the sweets but dont tell them not to give anything, which might come accross a bit ungrateful and maybe hostile. They will understand if you just tell them like that about the sweets

Thanks for your comments.

Maryz - i think there is more to it as he has been referred by his GP, but that is quite heartening to hear. However he is quite sedentary due to hypermobility but there will be lots of different activities he can try at this weight management centre which will help him get active safely.

Will speak to DH tonight, the comics are a great idea, DSS is a big Doctor Who fan so they could get him them, rather than sweeties.

I am just thankful Dh and I have parents(we don't see my mum as often as she lives much further away) who dote on their grandkids so much, read so many stories on here about indifferent grandparents