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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be frightened of letting my 22 month old dd go on the big climbing frames in the park on her own?

55 replies

MargeHomerBart · 18/04/2010 19:52

They are not that safe and feature big, unprotected drops and gaps in the runway where she could get her foot stuck.

Yet my mum friends say I should let her go on her own. Their kids are a bit older being 3/4.

I think dd is too young and should wait a bit longer until she has a better understanding of danger.

Shame our park dosn't have mini climbing frames.

OP posts:

JackBauer · 19/04/2010 08:04

YANBU, before DD1 I thought the same as others, kids insitinctively know about falls, edges etc. Then when DD1 was about 18 months she walked off the edge of the climbing frame and knocked herself out. She only missed the firemans pole by >< that much.
Now I let her climb but am always hovering.

DD2 is much more physcially capable but even so last week she slipped through one of the rope bridge/balance beam things with the massive gaps and only the fact that I was there stopped her falling the whole way, she now avoids those bits of the frame!

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 19/04/2010 08:16

Just stand beneath her. I discovered last week that my extremely cautious, doesn't take risks, doesn't do anything till she's perfect at it 16-month-old daughter could climb a step ladder. So I realised when she was halfway up, and stood beneath her for the upper half, and we both had fun.

thesecondcoming · 19/04/2010 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 19/04/2010 09:07

can be hard to know, thesecondcoming

my SIL and my friends used to think I was a helicopter parent, because I carried dd a lot

dd is now known to have a disability which affects her walking

I didn't know at the time, but I was trying to work with what she could do (apart from that unfortunate lapse with the climbing frame)

I didn't give her that disability through helicopter parenting- it's genetic

I just responded to it instinctively

Poledra · 19/04/2010 09:12

I'm having a similar problem with 22-mo DD3. She is going up the climbing frame in the garden with her two big sisters, and I'm not entirely comfortable with it. However, she seems to be managing, and 6-yo DD1 is a bit of a helicopter sister!

In the park, on an unfamiliar frame, I'd be hovering underneath too.

thesecondcoming · 19/04/2010 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 19/04/2010 09:19

I see what you mean, but probably best to hold your tongue.

For the record, noone would have known dd had mobility issues. Hers don't show on the outside: in fact, she was 7 years old before she was diagnosed (and even then not before her condition had been misdiagnosed as trauma caused by sexual abuse- even the consultant couldn't tell!).

It's just that she never seemed to be able to do what the other children could do. And when I did try to let go and let her be like others, things went pear-shaped: that wasn't our only trip to A&E. It made me look an awful parent.

MayorNaze · 19/04/2010 09:19

let her go. dd was/is just like this (she is now 4) and she has never had a serious bash. she is very confident and adventurous, yet also has a v g sense of what is too hard/dangerous etc

jellybeans · 19/04/2010 10:03

YANBU i wouldn't at that age.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/04/2010 13:52

yabu IF your toddler wants to go on it

my 22mths will always run to climbing frame/big slide etc and i have to often say 2 hands/hold on etc and she will

this age understands a lot more then they can talk

they will learn if they let go they will fall off, so make sure you stay beside them while they climb

4yr fell off swing the other day as didnt hold on so even if older accidents can and will happen

and yes if have older siblings you are generally more relaxed with no 2,3,4 child

kitkatsforbreakfast · 19/04/2010 14:16

If I waited until my dc had a 'better understanding of danger' before I let them loose on playground equipment then ds1 (8) would still be on the ground. He doesn't seem to have much of a clue about danger, but I have to let him get on with it.

On the whole, he's ok. A lot of bumps and bruises, one very fast dash to A and E with a gash that needed a dozen stitches (on the face - oooooh) but I can't wrap him up in cotton wool. He is rather more careful climbing trees now.

As a previous poster said, water and roads are different. While he was little I was like a hawk there.

cece · 19/04/2010 14:27

Children are usually pretty good at judging if they are capable of doing something like go on a climbing frame.

Personally I would let her if she wants to. She will ask for help when she needs it and her achievements will boost her self esteem.

hazeyjane · 19/04/2010 14:37

YANBU, I would definitely hover underneath, all kids are different. Dd1 is really good at climbing, and very confident, despite me being a hoverer. Dd2 is less so, and always wants me nearby - just in case, I guess she must realise she could fall.

My friend's ds was and is very confident and active, but fell through the gap on a climbing frame when he was 3, and because of the way he fell broke his arm in two places.

Pozzled · 19/04/2010 22:03

I feel like I'm missing something here. Surely the OP is not about whether to let DC go on the climbing frame, only about whether to go on alone? My DD is very confident, she knows what she can do and I never stop her from climbing. I don't hold her hand the whole time or tell her to be careful. But I do stand close by so I could catch her if she fell. I'm sure she knows that drops are dangerous, but I think at toddler age it would be very very easy for them to get distracted by something else and not notice a drop behind them. So more about how aware they are than how capable they are.

I'm quite surprised that people seem to be saying it's ok for such young children to go on big climbing frames with open drops with no adults close by. Not trying to be argumentative, just trying to better understand people's opinions.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 19/04/2010 22:13

YANBU. DH was out in the garden with dd2 and ds today. While helping dd2 with something, ds (2.6) decided to climb down the trampoline ladder (which he has done countless times), missed his footing and fell before DH could catch him. He took a real dunt and screamed so much we took him straight to A+E. He has a broken collar bone, and we feel simply dreadful He also has a huge bruise on his face, and we were worried re head injury (although thankfully he seems ok in that department)

I have always been determined not to be a helicopter parent, and was probaby far more relaxed with him than with my older two- mainly because they are usually around to boss him about/ tell tales on him. Now both DH and I feel awful- horrible to watch the wee soul with a sling on (which of course he hates)

piscesmoon · 19/04/2010 22:14

I think they stick to their capabilities. My DS3 was far more adventurous, because he copied his brothers. I was nearby watching, but I didn't stop him. My mother was over protective with me because I was her pfb and I think it made me over cautious, so I was determined not to hold my DSs back because of my fears.

BertieBotts · 19/04/2010 22:20

I want to let DS just judge his own capabilities etc, but I (stupidly) watched one of those "999 disaster" programmes where a young boy fell off a climbing frame onto his head. He was fine, but the ambulance people were hiding very serious concern from his mum, because apparently it's very easy to get brain damage or fatal injuries from a fall onto the head

I should not watch these things really because I just end up paranoid about everything. I nearly had a heart attack the other day when I realised the window was unlocked, DS doesn't even know how to open it.

Pozzled · 19/04/2010 22:32

Piscesmoon- when you say their capabilities, do you think that they will always notice and stay away from drops then? That's what confuses me, I'm confident DD can climb safely, I'm not convinced that she's capable of staying away from the edge. Also- do you think just having a parent close by will make a child overcautious? Or is it more to do with the attitude of the parent? I would like to think that me being close by but positively encouraging her to have a go is helpful to her confidence rather than a hindrance.

piscesmoon · 19/04/2010 22:39

It is a difficult one! I just tried to let them do as much in the physical line as they could-it was a relief when they got beyond that stage!

cory · 19/04/2010 23:31

I maintain that you need to know your own child, not just stick to some general idea that children know their capabilities.

Some do, others have no sense and might as well have their designated seat at A&E. Dd was admitted for concussion at least 5 times during her early years. Not to mention the knocked-out teeth and the hairline fractures.

Clary · 19/04/2010 23:49

I recall well hovvering anxiously around DS1 (child no 1) as he negotiated a climbing frame. Not sure how old he was...

I also clearly recall DS2 (child no 3) climbing the steps of a slide, part of a large frame with gaps and a fireman's pole etc, at 13mo. It was pretty high btw, above my head at the top, so more than 6ft. He would then climb down again (he was an early walker/climber).

One day (he was thenabout 14mo) DH said, oh, he slid down the slide today. I recall being staggered, then thinking, oh well, he was ready I guess.

What I'm saying is that you need to let them grow, let them go; if yr DD wants to do this (and more to the point, can) then she will be fine.

It's hard tho, oh yes, I know that.

BTW those who post about broken arms etc caused by falls - a friend's DS broke his arm falling from a climbing frame - but he was 7. I'm thinking even the most concerned hovverer would have stopped by then . You cannot guard against every eventuality (tho cory yr DD's case is rather different).

GrimmaTheNome · 20/04/2010 00:16

We quite often go to a playground which has a section marked for 5 and unders, the other for 6-12s.

The little playground is really more apt for toddlers than 3-5 yr olds, so of course everyone ignores the age signs. We did too, but always kept a close eye on DD, as some of the kit is big. However some parents (and more often grandparents, come to think) let tinies barely steady on their feet roam around without staying close... some manage fine but more than once I've seen them fall backwards off steps, shoot off the big slide and bump hard, stand gormlessly in front of the zipwire etc. It really gives me the willies.

I'm not totally convinced the human race has evolved to survive all elements of all playgrounds and personally I've never wanted to earn a Darwin award on DDs behalf.

gtamom · 20/04/2010 02:17

Yanbu.

CarmenSanDiego · 20/04/2010 02:53

YANBU.

Children are all different and playgrounds are different.

I remember my daughter being about 3 or 4 and she followed her big sister up an adventure playground thing. Realised as she was halfway up that there was a sheer drop about 12 feet high on the other side. Absolutely ridiculous. One of us had to guard the drop while the other climbed up to help her down.

There's a happy medium between clutching your little darling's hand as they tiptoe along a log on the ground and standing the other side of the playground, nattering to a friend while they teeter at the top of a 15 foot climbing frame.

A toddler may well need a bit of support on equipment and that's absolutely nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about. I'd rather be /slightly/ overprotective than have a child in A&E.

piscesmoon · 20/04/2010 07:27

It is a very fine line-obviously you shouldn't be nattering to a friend and paying no attention, but equally you shouldn't be holding back a DC who wants to try. I think that my brothers had a much easier time because my mother had relaxed by the time they came along-I was her first and she was over protective IMO. I was determined not to be the same with mine-if they wanted to try it, I let them. The only time my really adventurous DS went to A& E was when he decided to get off the seesaw, without warning at the top! DH was standing next to him at the time. Accidents will happen however careful you are.

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