to not want to buy my kids material possessions?

[harimo]

Well, that's it...

I don't want my (pre-school) kids to have designer wardrobes. I'm quite happy to dress them from Sainsburies or M&Co (who I love!) or Ebay or Oxfam....

Don't get me wrong, they are VERY well dressed, just I buy the essentitals from tescos or sainsburies or M&co and then a few 'nicer' items from Ebay or Oxfam (and, yes, I look every week, just in case!)

I just want to be able to spend my disposable income (which I am lucky to have) on experiences with them - take them on days out, go and see Thomas the Tank Engine, or Peppa Pig Live. or, even, a savings account - cos I'm sure they'd prefer designer clothes when they were 20 not 2.

These things are, to me, more important that always being in designer clothes. And, If IANBU, then why do I feel down that someone had a pop at me today for shopping in Oxfam

We buy from charity shops not necessarily because they are cheaper - they often aren't if you are prepared to buy clothes "made by children for children" but because we like the idea that our choices benefit other people as well as ourselves. It's a complete win/win situation. We get something lovely to wear, the charity gets money, the world's resources aren't depleted, big business gets a little less profit and my children get a paineless lesson in responsibility and citizenship. And it's fun hunting for 'treasures".

Sorry, a bit po faced, I know, but this is a hobby horse of mine.

I have found the most amazing charity shop ever. Its literally a 2 minute walk from my house aswell. Because its not in town the prices are crazy. I bought DS a coat for £1.50!
I get DD lots of stuff from there and they all cost less than a pound.
Im refusing to say the name of the shop because I dont want to fight for my bargains!

YANBU. Your children will remember experiences and days out when they are older rather than the fact they had a D&G coat!

Well, of course you are not being unreasonable.

However, when I read the thread, I wasn't thinking clothes but things like DSs, Wiis, own teles, phones and the like. Young children don't seem to really care much about clothing labels so buying expensive clothes is more for the parents. However material good such as the ones I have listed have more impact on them. I do buy a few nice designer clothes for my children purely for myself, and for special family occasions. They will get much use as they will be handed down several times. However, I will not allow my children things like the Wiis as they are the material goods which are the big ticket wants at their ages, and which I find unnecessary and slightly damaging.

See I am totally opposite to you. I wouldn't buy designer clothes on principle - but a Wii is an amazing toy and it's an experience they can share with their friends. And you can hand them down too.

Our local charity shop has a 'designer' childrens rail which normally contains Next, Zara and H&M, not what I would call designer.

I love H&M for childrens clothes, bought DS2 and DD some new T-shirts and trousers yesterday, got 5 T-shirts, two pairs of trousers, 2 pairs of leggins and a hat for DD and only spend £29.97 - was very pleased with myself

Not unreasonable at all.

DD doesn't own a single stitch of clothing that isn't secondhand.

She doesn't own any new toys, either. My suburb has the very civilised tradition of leaving clean, useable toys out neatly on the fence when your DCs have outgrown them. Almost all of DD's toys were free, and when she's finished with them I'll put them back out for the next family to enjoy.

That sounds amazing ninedragons where do you live?

YANBU at all. You have your priorities right.

Speaking as someone who got her wedding dress (beautiful, perfect fit, totally what I was after) from the PDSA charity shop I would say YADNBU!!!!

We got a bargainous suitcase of clothes at a car boot containing a whole range of baby clothes that furnished my son from birth until 1 year and did the same again when he grew out of them. A lot of it was next to new Next, Gap, H&M etc. We paid £10. And guess what - we are keeping them for the next one. When you see the price of some stuff, it makes me despair. Don't mind buying gufts for other folks' children - after all it's just a one off gift. But really cannot afford to spend £15 per baby-gro. That's just crazy talk. Chances are it'll just get spewed/pooped on anyway. Stained baby vests are stained whether they cost you 5p or £5!

Also, think of the moral goodness. I'm with the op - it's a win win win situation.

It's tesco or asda for us really - anything else is just too expensive for DS for the amount of time he's in the clothes before he outgrows them.

YANBU - spend your money how you want to spend it and don't let other people put you down if you choose to shop at a charity shop

Threelittleducks - I got my wedding dress at a dress agency too! Donna Karan original and I love it.

thanks for all the replies - it's made me feel loads better again. I just felt about a millimetre tall... I suppose she felt that I CAN afford to spend £5 on a baby grow... But, I have disposable income because i'm careful about what I spend it on and I agree wholeheartedly that a stained top is a stained top.

sofadragon - My kids are both under 2, so equipment like that isn't really on my radar to be honest. Tho, DS does have a super cool intergrated CD and i-pod player in his room and (by definition, I suppose) has his own -pod for his music. But, he's not aware of it, and isn't allowed to touch it etc., it's just an easy way for me to download music for him to fall asleep to as well as listen to the CDs we get from the library.

Lovechoc - thanks for that last one liner. Summs it all up really, doesn't it???

Mothercare have got some nice stuff in

romper and cap

sailor type romper

2 for £10

no problem DH and myself are not materialistic people and also are v careful with what money we do have left over each month.

Talking of wedding dresses - when I got married I didn't buy the same type of dress that everyone else was buying - I bought a bridesmaid's dress in ivory which was a fraction of the cost. I didn't feel the need to do what everyone else was doing and felt a lot happier that I wasn't spending a fortune on a dress that I've only had on the once!!

It all comes down to how careful you are with your money I suppose - we are frugle with what money we have tbh and I don't feel we miss out on anything.

We can afford designer clothing but choose not to go down that route.

Yes, YABU - Thomas The Tank Engine and Peppa Pig Live? Why the hell would you waste your money on that shite? Go and see some real kids theatre -probably won't cost as much either.

But no, of course, not U to buy clothes from ebay and Oxfam (I do, am v proud of my bargains). But I wonder, if perhaps you ~(and I?! ) sound sanctimonious about it sometimes. Perhaps that's why your friend flipped and told you to shut up about it. Cos surely friends don't normally comment?

I remember when oxfam was cheap! My mum dressed us in oxfam and hand me downs from others. My "friends" at school also commented It just didnt bother me.

I think you should dress your little one in what you want

Come on, Adiar - suggestions please!

I'm happy to be educated in the world of children's theatre!! To be fair, we've grown oout of Peppa, but the love affair with Thomas, I feel, will last for some while yet!!

FWIW, my friend didn't tell me to zip it - she saw me coming out of Oxfam and sniffed at the idea that I would buy anything from there. I'm not goin gto write what she said, as I'm pretty identifiable on here and, IMHO, it's quite offensive. But, safe to say, largely related to class and status.

Adair -

littlesez - I won't do it when the go to school - when what they wear is more important to them. I just think, right now (at under 2) them having fun in practical and appropriate clothing is more important than a label. I'm not saying that it won't change as they get older (when clothes are FAR more appealing than mummy-cuddles!!)

We took DS to the Singing Kettle the other week and he loved it - would rather buy tickets for that than spend on clothing - I like to see him having a great time. Haven't heard anything but singing kettle since so he obviously enjoyed himself! lol

I agree with OP - it's better to spend your cash on experience like days out or theatre or holidays where you can enjoy yourselves. That's what life is all about after all is it not??

I find children in designer clothes, with the exception of the odd item or something for a wedding etc, wasteful.

They grow so flippin quickly and get stains on everything... what is the point.

Regular arguements with the 11 year old about why daddy 'gets to have' diesel jeans and hers are from primark!

Nope, nice clothes from ebay - stick to your guns!

She doesn't sound much of a friend. I don't think buying from Oxfam makes you lower class anyway. I was the only middle-class child in my school on a council estate. I was the only child who wore Oxfam too. And who cares about class/status? Yeuuk.

Re theatre - where (ish) do you live? TRy seeking out an arts centre or small theatre. Many of These shows or here will be touring. I like Kazzum, Quicksilver and the Half Moon theatre companies so keep your eye out for them. Will be SO much better than commercial cash-in Pepp... oh NO! Have just realised am no better than your friend. Am THEATRE SNOB . Oooops..

Just outside London, Adair, on mainline so getting in there isn't a huge problem.

otherwise, Aylesbury area - we go to the Roald Dahl museum and to Quainton steam railway (to see THomas ) and to Beckonscot...

Will check out your link - thanks!!

And there's here
www.polkatheatre.com/

Hmm... Charlie and Lola... not sure how I feel about that...

Just checked your first link!

That is WELL within reach of me!

Will be giving them a call! (and checking your other links!!)

Charlie and Lola???????? YOU SNOB!!

Agree with one fo Adair's comments, it does sound sanctimonious sometimes. Where would you be getting your charidee shop and ebay clothes if it wasn't for all the people who buy them new?

Things like this can sound of pat me on the back parenting and inverse snobbery. So what if I choose to spend my money on clothes for DD, it doesn't mean I'm not giving her experiences or saving for her future and you are grateful when you pick up her old stuff from oxfam so its win-win non?