in thinking that after a row about snoring after tons of beer/asking dh to sleep in spare room last night....

[issysmilkbottle]

... And today agreeing to have a nice family afternoon and some cuddle time on sofa this evening, that dh wouldn't be opening his 3rd can of lager since 7?

Dh drinks often, i hate it, he snores and last night he'd drunk loads so i asked him to sleep in spare room, we almost split last night...

Today we agreed to have nice afternoon and evening together and made up, we were gonna make an effort as havent been intimate for at least a month, dd is 20 weeks... And yet as i am settling dd he is opening his 3rd can and chatting on facebook.... Aibu in wanting him to have a night off beer, espec after last night?

Will he notice if you sleep in the spare room?

YANBU btw, dp snores after a beer, fortunately he normally falls asleep on the soft so I leave him there now.

Tell him no more beer or no shag!

What's he like when drunk? Apart from the snoring I mean.

What about if you turned off MN and sat on the sofa and patted it and said "how about a cuddle?" Would he come over do you think?

Some people like a drink, they feel it relaxes them. Of course, if they need it, it's a problem. If it affects family life, it's a problem.

But if they feel nagged, then they bring down the shutters and you'll never get through to them.

does he have to have a few cans every night?

Get changed and go out... that would be my plan

on phone on mn while settling dd

Dh has a few cans/pints most nights, longest without is 2-3 days

Dd sleeps in our room and bf in night, dh snores disturb her, i cant sleep in the other room

Its me who wants more sex etc, dh says tired/more a morning person (but will sleep intil lunch if working 2-10)/i'm sure beer affecting labido and anxiety too...

No one to go out with i'm afraid and only just getting dd down.... Dh not used to long periods with her alone - am working on this!

owsla I didn't realise you could be drunk on 3 cans....what a lightweight .

I have drunk more than 3 cans of beer during an evening and not considered myself too drunk to mind sleeping children.

In my opinion if you carry on doing it all while he chats away on facebook he's never going to learn now is he

well he's had 5 cans of lager, a bottle of cider that i was saving and has now opened a bottle of wine....

I'm not happy

Thats shocking issy.... really not good at all.
That kind of alcohol consumption can only be detrimental to family life.
It's no way to live and you have some tough decisions to make.

A one off maybe, but you say he was like this last night too ?

he has periods like this where he'll go to pub after work for 2-4 pints then buy more on way home and when i've gone to bed (between half ten and half eleven) he'll hunt around to find wine etc... He drinks most days but in his 'sane' periods its just the 2-3 pints...

He has promised to cut down but there is always some reason...

His dad was an alcoholic, quite bad but dh says he's not one, he just likes to drink..

If it wasnt for the dc i would have walked away.... He is a good dad and usually a good dh but can be really lazy and this drink thing makes him hyper sensitive and a pain and its not a good example for the kids, plus i need him to contribute more money to the househol, at present he 'wastes' around £2-300 a month on beer and magazines.... I have about £40 a month if that....

if i say anything i am 'nagging' but he promised to be around more as i have to work 35 hours a week around his shifts and he'd rather not pay for childcare...

I raised issue of relate today, i thunk we need help, but our local relate charge £48 a session so there is no way we can afford that....

I think most of your problems arise from his alcohol consumption as it seems you have positive things to say about him when he is not drinking.

Alcohol is a problem when it affects family life and it clearly is.
However, if he continues to refuse to accept it is a problem for him then you have some tough decisions to make.
I wish you luck

thank you. I did ask him to go 2 weeka without alcohol recently, he did 4 days and wanted me to reward him for that! I'm hoping he'll realise his problem soon but if not, i'll have to prepare to leave him to it....

I don't think it's a case of going 2 weeks without so to speak.... i enjoy a glass or 2 of wine most nights. It's the fact that he's bingeing that seems to be the problem.
He clearly can't stop once he's started.

does he buy it all in himself?

OP.. only three cans? OH has had 6 or 7 and is snoring like a bastard right now on sofa.

If he snores in bed I shove a pillow over his face, or stuff the corner of the duvet in his mouth.

I aim to wake him up as often as he wakes me up! Ha.

"He has promised to cut down but there is always some reason...

His dad was an alcoholic, quite bad but dh says he's not one, he just likes to drink.."

Textbook stuff for alcoholics in denial.

Sorry.