to expect her to get up a bit early?

[shell96]

My DSD (14) is staying the night with us. DH (and us) see her fairly regularly but she doesnt stay often.

The problem is we have to go into town tomorrow as we have stuff to get/things to do. I think we should get up and go about 9.30 after our DD (10months) has had breakfast. That way she can have her morning nap in her buggy as we go round the town, we can get all our stuff done, have lunch and by the time we get home our DD will be ready for her afternoon nap. Her morning nap is usually quite short so this way we are home in time for her to get a good long afternoon sleep.

If we go in the afternoon I am worried she wont get a long sleep as we have a few stops to make so getting in/out of car will disrupt her usually longer afternoon sleep.

Problem is when I suggested this to DH he said 'oh but DSD will never be up that early'. DSD said the same when we suggested it to her. I know she normally stays in bed until lunchtime at weekends when she is at her mums. If DH is collecting her at weekend he can never go before 1 o'clock as she wont be ready.

So AIBU to ask him to make her get up so we can all go early? I dont think its unfair to expect different behaviour of her when she stays at ours than her mum obviously does at home but since she doesnt stay much, should I just put up with it?

I totally see your point. I have a 14 yr old DD and she never wants to get up before about 11 on a Saturday. That said, she's up at 6 am with no prompting from Monday to Friday so I think she deserves her lie-in at the weekend.

Could you not leave her at home to sleep while you all go out, and aim to get back by lunchtime?

Can you not go into town on your own while DH stays at home with the girls?

Leave her to sleep if you trust her on her own or leave your DH at home with her and let them do something on their own.

I have two DSDs (12 and 15) and two kids with DH (23mo and 8mo)

It's obvious that you have to fit your chores / errands around your baby - trying to do anything with a screaming over tired child is a nightmare! But, going out with a stroppy hormonal 14YO isn't much fun either.

I wouldn't make my DSDs come and run errands with me. But, I would question (and I appreciate as SM, it's not really your call but still!) why she was being allowed to stay in bed till lunch time EVERY weekend.

My DSDs do it once in a while (and they enjoy it) but most mornings (sat and sun) they are out for school sports which (IMHO) is better for them.

It won't kill your dd to have her naptime altered for one day, I would let your dsd have a lie-in.

Oh, yes, Driventodistraction's point is excellent: Leave DH home with BOTH kids (one will be in bed anyway ) and get all your jobs done faster...

She is 14. Why not just go early in the morning, so you can be there when the shops open, leave DSD in bed. You will be back by 11.00!

I wouldn't drag her round. Leave her to do her own thing.

Just leave her in bed ...

definitely go into town in the morning either with your 10 month old or by yourself
you'll have amuch nicer afternoon if dsd isn't tired and grumpy

Surely she doesn't need to come with you? At 14 she can stay home alone for a few hours.

By the time you get home from town, DSD will just be getting out of bed - then you can spend the afternoon together.

Go on you own with the baby and leave dh at hoe with his child.

isnt she getting up to go?

I find it a bit odd that a 14 year old sleeps in until 1pm tbh! What time is she going to bed?

Even if my 14 yr old is up late on a Friday, she's up by 10'ish. Just leave her at home though, if she says she can't be up in time, then she clearly isn't bothered about going. I know if I suggested to DD that I was going out at 9.30, she'd be ready, if she wanted to come with me.

I have no idea where I got 1pm from! Lunch time, anyway!

Leave DSD to have her lie in.
I can't see her being that enamoured with having t get up early for a baby's routine and I doubt that will promote famnily harmony.

Can you fit in alone time for DSD in the afternoon when DD is napping?

Leave her in bed.

God I could sleep til at least 1pm at the weekends when I was 14!

Teenagers need more sleep than younger children, and they tend to "catch up" by sleeping late at the weekends.

Well might have had the problem solved for me. She just said she going to bed soon so if she asleep early then she might be up early

If she is awake when we are getting organised in the morning then will see if she wants to come, otherwise she can stay home.

Can't leave DH at home unfortunately - he coming to get haircut. Not something I can get for him...

Agree with Pixie ^up there^ that you could perhaps be a little more accomodating for your DSD. Or leave her in bed - at 14, my parents were leaving me for the weekend!

If she does come, maybe you could throw in something for her too? Hair appt for her? Perhaps a new pair of shoes or a new bag for school?

Thanks for all replies.

We have indeed agreed to leave it until after DDs morning nap so will go about 10.30 (though normally she would be asleep by now but today, just because we have plans, she is still happily playing )

I agree with everyone who says we need to make allowances for DSD so she feels like part of the family. We do make exceptions for her, such as changing what we eat or making her seperate meals, as she doesnt like the food we normally eat (we eat quite healthily, fresh food, etc - she doesnt) and other things like that but at 14 I think she old enough to understand that all families/households are different and have different ways of doing things.

So anyway, hopefully this compromise will work.

Sounds like a good compromise! You sound like a very kind step-mum