Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to think that DS's dad is a horrible, tight-fisted mean excuse for a man

28 replies

superv1xen · 16/04/2010 19:07

...i am so angry right now.

my ex pays me £125 a month maintenance towards our 3 year old son. a year ago he moved over 100 miles away to live with his girlfriend.

he has DS 2 weekends a month (in theory anyway, he has let him down on several occasions) from saturday lunchtime to sunday teatime.

on easter weekend he came to collect him but DS was slightly poorly so he decided he wasn't going to take him basically its any excuse not to have him. but i suggested he have him the next weekend instead and then carry on as normal fortnightly from then onwards.

so the next weekend DS was better and he collected him and had him as normal.

anyway, i checked my bank today as he pays the maintenance in on the 15th of the month so i wanted to check it was in - and he had only paid £100 !!

when i challenged him about this he said he had only paid me £100 as it had cost him £25 extra quid for petrol as he "made an extra visit this month"

to me, this acually beggars belief. basically, what it comes down to is he has charged me for seeing his own son! what,,do i pay his petrol now?? it wasn't me who moved away!

AIBU to be furious about this?????? it isnt even the money - its the sheer meanness of him. and he CAN afford it, he has a really good job, swans around in a nice car and has new designer clothes everytime i see him. he makes me SICK.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 16/04/2010 19:09

i'd be bloody furious too!!!

contact CSA,get it that way...would it be more through them??

GypsyMoth · 16/04/2010 19:10

he's not 'pay per view'!!! he's a child...

MrsC2010 · 16/04/2010 19:11

How ridiculous! Completely illogical!

oldraver · 16/04/2010 19:13

Tell him he pays the correct amount or you will go to the CSA. If he is well paid then I reckon he will be paying a damn site more than £125

skidoodly · 16/04/2010 19:15

YANBU

What a shitbag.

It was HIS decision not to take his son (because God forbid he have to look after a child not in the fullness of health) the first weekend, then you tried to accommodate him and he's now holding back money from your son.

So he's effectively charging a 3 year old boy because he didn't want to spend time with him when he was ill.

Horrible, horrible man.

Exogenesis · 16/04/2010 19:15

What a complete idiot! (your ex not you btw)

3billygoatsgruff · 16/04/2010 19:17

YANBU what a selfish thing to do. Could you put it into perspective for your ex by telling him what DS will have to go without because he has chosen not to give you that money.

Ladyanonymous · 16/04/2010 19:21

No YANBU...I have two of these (Ex's) one slightly better than the other.

He has paid the same maintenance for 8 years, well actually reduced it 4 yrs ago for a few months so he and his then g/f who he left me for when I was PG now wife "could save a deposit for a flat" while they moved in with his mum rent free.

Has got better and better paid jobs, goes on a two week 4 star foreign holiday every year, has now bought a bigger house, had another baby, bought a pedigree dog and a boat but still reckons he can't pay more than £40 a week for his son and refused to contribute towards his b'day party this week meaning I did him a party on £15, and insists my son leaves any gifts from his family and friends at his house so he can play with them there every other weekend and has a separate wardrobe of clothes there for him, insisting on taking him in his school uniform on a Friday and returning him in it on a Sunday .

He is never available to help out if his son is ill or for any practical reasons (picked him up from school for the first time in four years last month and asked "which school is it?") yet is there for all the glory moments saying "thats my son!" and pulling the "I'm his father" card whenever he gets wind of anything I might be doing with my life which he disagrees with.

Yet still manages to look down his nose at me every time he sees me like a I am a piece of shit something he stepped in

BouncingTurtle · 16/04/2010 19:24

Err yes he is being incredible tight fisted!
£125 a month doesn't sound a lot to me but to be fair I don't know how much your ex is on.
Here's a link to a calculator which will help you work out what he should be paying

But you absolutely right, no way should you be paying his petrol - HE moved away! What a waste of space he sounds!

Original poster
superv1xen · 16/04/2010 19:56

ladyanonymous - i am and at your ex!!!! what a shit! (sorry!)

i would go to CSA but can't as i am on certain benefits and don't want to end up worse off as they reduce your benefits by whatever CSA you get AFAIK. so thats why we dont go through the csa.

OP posts:
Coolfonz · 16/04/2010 20:03

what a twat, sorry to hear another story of a grim man on this site, we're not all like that.

that reminds me though, the missus owes me 13p as she had eight of my chips last night...

Ladyanonymous · 16/04/2010 20:07

superv1xen

I take comfort in the knowledge I am not alone in producing a (rather wonderful) child with a complete twat.

Forgot to mention her never put the maintenance back up when he lowered it "for 4 months" (4 yrs ago), so while you are paying your ex's patrol money I like to think I am contributing to my ex and his DW's mortgage..thoughts of subsidance and dry rot never of course entering my mind.

ChippingIn · 17/04/2010 03:59

superv1xen - what a fucking twat!!!!

Right, now that's out of the way - are you sure you are getting the MAX you are entitled to from this useless excuse of a father?? It really doesn't sound like a lot.

I have to confess I did splutter when I read TBB's 'He's not pay per view' - I think you should tell fuckwit DS's Father that!

Ladyanonymous - two of these EX's - for the love of god how do you cope???

It really does amaze me, how many of you lovely sounding Mums have lovely sounding kids - with complete and utter fuckwits... it must be all your genes in the kids

junglist1 · 17/04/2010 08:29

YUCK what an arsehole!!! Wonder what girlfriend thinks if she knows? I'd be really worried I'd picked a wrong un. I mean WTF

aSilverlining · 17/04/2010 08:34

YANBU what a twat! £25 as well, not like it's a lot of money is it for him to be holding back (I assume he is working and receiving a wage), but for you on a tight budget £25 is lot of money.

If you tell him he is out of line will he give you it or will that cause hassle? If this was my ex I would be absolutely fuming and telling him in no uncertain terms.

lifeissweet · 17/04/2010 08:40

Breathtaking.

He is not 'tightfisted' or 'mean'. This has nothing to do with generosity or the lack of it. He is downright irresponsible and pathetic. Does he realise what being a parent means? He is not doing you a favour by looking after his own child. What a complete twunt. You must be gutted that you're not together anymore. What a catch he was!

I hope you are not going to put up with this load of feckless crap.

mumblechum · 17/04/2010 08:45

Sounds like he's massively underpaying mtce anyway, at £125 per month he'd only be earning £800 net.

Do you realise he should be paying 15% of his net income?

I'd threaten him with the CSA unless he starts paying at the correct rate.

mumblecrumble · 17/04/2010 08:51

SO sorry, what a moron. How fecking offensive, what's he playing at?

Three year's old? Mos noral folks wold be desperate to see suh a gorgeous kid. He's a bastard. Thank god he's far away ...

WOnder if his girlfriend knows what he has done.....

ShadeofViolet · 17/04/2010 09:00

He is a first class knobjockey.

I would threaten the CSA too, or do you think that would provoke him into not paying?

pigletmania · 17/04/2010 09:27

I am for your ds and you! So he charges YOU for his travel to see HIS own son. Only pays £125 a month for his child when he is clearly minted, its beggars belief. It takes anyone to make a child but a special person to be a father and to raise their child.

pigletmania · 17/04/2010 09:31

Just read other posts, so this sorry excuse, twunt, dirtybag is taking money from his child, nice man not a father at all.

l39 · 17/04/2010 10:32

superv1xen, I think the rules changed just a few days ago to mean single parents could keep all their child maintenance?

See here

If I were you I'd make him pay officially. It won't make him a nicer person unfortunately!

MadameOvary · 17/04/2010 10:39

Of course YANBU.
Wish you could name and shame him, so everyone could see what a mean-spirited excuse for a father he is

gladitsover · 17/04/2010 11:26

superv1xen i get income support and as of this month child maintainance is no longer taken off that amount.

tootyflooty · 17/04/2010 12:11

my ex bought my son a pair of 10.00 trainers ( this is about 10 yrs ago now) and he knocked it off my maintenace. I also got a silly amount each month as it was all he felt he should pay, I was always way to lenient with him for the sake of good relations. But I regret it now, i would contact the csa and give them as much info as possible just to get an idea of if you would be better off with making it official.And threaten him with it any way he shouldn't be able to mess you around like that.