To be a bit miffed with my SIL

[ShadeofViolet]

Sorry, its another SIL one, but I must say that nomally I like my SIL and we get on really well. She is my brothers wife and 10 years older than me. She has three children 10, 4 and 1.

This morning we were talking about the leaders debate and were talking about carers. She said that she thought that if carers got a weeks break every year then the same should be for parents of young children because its just as much work.

Now I was very and at this. My DS2 has ASD and can be a real handful, he doesnt sleep at night, cant do anything for himself or be left on his own. He is like a whirlwind from 4am until 9pm, controlling and sometimes agressive, and somedays I am absolutely shattered and want to cry.

Now I know some NT children are a handful, but AIBU to think that not all parents have it this bad? I have 2 NT children and although they are both a handful in different ways, they are nowhere near as draining.

BTW, we have had other pearls of wisdom from her, like how she doesnt think that we should get DLA for DS2, as surely child benefit is enough, as he doesnt need a wheelchair!

I think I might just cry with frustration if she said that to me. Where would you even start to argue with somebody who thinks like that?

I think she just doesn't understand how hard it can be to have a dc with SN. This doesn't excuse her though as I don't have disabled dc and I wouldn't say these things. Just ignore her because she clearly doesn't know what she is talking about so her opinion is not worthy of getting upset over

I think I'd suggest that if it's so easy, maybe she could have your ds2 for the day

Im not really upset, just a bit shocked that people can actually think like this.

I could erase her ignorance by giving her DS2 to look after for 24 hours, see how she thinks then

X posts becky!

Surely she had her tongue firmly in her cheek???!! Surely, please!

YANNNNNBU!!!!!

YANBU My SIL is the same, apparently we are "lucky to have a child with SN" because dd gets extra help at school while her NTs do not. She says things like that all the time. Thoughtless and annoying.

I think it was probably just a flippant remark; not meant to offend you

Oh no, she was being totally truthful, she honestly thinks this. My DH has has a full blown arguement in the past about the whole thing, but I really try and let it go over my head.

Kneazle Ditto, she has made little comments about how often DS2 sees a physio, telling me how lucky he is!

Then in that case, next time she comes out with something like that, could you put your hand on your hip and cock your head to the side and say, "Do you realise quite how ignorant that remark was?" Or, if you don't want it to kick off, just say that you find her p.o.v. very unhelpful.

My brother does respite care as part of his job. I'm going to tell him that it's the law that he has to do similar for me

yanbu

I'm annoyed by what she said and I don't know her and don't have children with sn

I would love to say something to her, but I cant deal with the stress it would cause ontop of everything else.

So I just nod and smile politely.

I'm with Bumpy - give her your DS overnight and then raise the subject with her again! Seriously though I know it's so hard when it's a family member but you can't let another person's ignorance get to you. The Government clearly believe you need the DLA and that's all that matters!

maryz so annoying isn't it. My inlaws and SIL don't really believe in these SN that "nobody had when they were young" they think they are all made up ! They are always telling me a bit of discipline would sort my dd out. DD is always treated as naughty. I often get comments like "xyz can do that and he is only 2" Well yes he can, but he is NT !

[kneazle just got off the phone from inlaws argh]

ShadeofViolet I wouldn't bother saying anything it hasn't worked for us. I do the smile and not politely these days.

according to my mum aspergers and adhd are made up by parents who cant control their children..... because ds is well behaved at her house (becasue she lets him play the wii until he falls asleep and eat cereal if thats what he wants)

"I would love to say something to her, but I cant deal with the stress it would cause ontop of everything else."

Are you very sure that calling her on her attitude - even if only to offer DS to her for the day - wouldn't relieve a bit of your stress? After all, she seems to be continuing to stress you out with these remarks. Go on, you know you want to!

I am in awe of those of you with SN children. In awe.

Children are such a shock, and it is hard and grueling looking after young children - NT children - and it does sometimes feel thankless and everlasting and you just want a break, and society is all 'but it was your choice' and it's unpaid and low status and argh.

Which is why, when I feel ground down by it, I always think - but, goodness, at least my child is NT, how much harder would it be to have a CN child. Not that it's any less rewarding, but I certainly think it's more demanding, and the extra assistance offered is a drop in the ocean, it falls so far short.

So I am in awe of you. And I'm sorry that not everyone gets it.

Thanks, what a lovely thing to say.

She didn't say that carers should lose respite though did she, she said that all parents should get it.

I personally don't think it's that bad a thing to say really, she probably just hasn't thought it through.

She isn't trying to take anything away from you, just doing what all parents do ie looking to their own kids and thinking 'but what do we get?'.

Yes, but "what she gets" is a child that will grow up one day and leave home and have a normal life.

Tortoise thats a really nice thing to say, thankyou

God I really fucking hope most parents aren't looking to their own children and thinking "what do we get?"

what a sickening attitude

the idea of the state providing respite care for all parents is daft and thinking you deserve it because parents of sn children might get it shows an overdeveloped sense of entitlement to say the least.