to want a 1st birthday party for my dd

[danmae]

we had one for ds, went ok apart from mil being drunk and offensive. i feel because ds had one its only fair to do same for dd. i know she wont care but we have video and photos of ds's and in years to come she will want to see hers.

i was planning nothing ott as money is tight. just cake and sandwiches and some treats for the kids so it wont cost much.

the problams are dh does not want one because a, he does not like family gatherings, i know he will be in bad form all day. you can see him getting uptight at the thought of it b, both sets of god parents who will be asked are not talking due to a bust up at the godfathers wedding a few months after the christening and c, i forgot which weekend it was and had already promised dh he could go fishing.

dh said he dose not want godparents asked {doth his side] because for row, but i think if we dont they will think we are taking sides. i plan on telling both sides the other is coming and let them do wat they want

he thinks i am not considering his feelings and we cant afford it. aibu?

I don't think I'd do it to myself tbh. Sounds more stressful than fun.
Can't there be videos and photos of a little birthday tea, cake present opening etc without involving rowing godparents.

Friend of mine says try to avoid birthday parties for as long as you can. But then again she has three so I suppose that can be hard work organising stuff three times a year. Mine are 2 and have not had parties yet but you can still have a cake and take photos without extra people being there. But I can well understand you wanting to celebrate his first year. It's a personal thing isn't it? Maybe do a compromise and have direct family only? Grandparents, aunts etc and leave the god parents out of it?

Why not have a few friends and their babies round to have tea and cake ? That way you've had a party, but no rowing.

I don't think either of you is BU. I can see why you want a party for her. I was the youngest of 4 and always hated the fact that there were less photos of me than of the others, it made me feel like I was less special. But it does seem like a party could create a lot of tension. Could you compromise and plan something really special just for the four of you? A day out somewhere different, with a picnic and birthday cake?

I don't think you are BU. I too want to celebrate my DS 1 year, but whereas I wanted a small party, only for babies/toddlers, my DH wants a big party, for all friends etc. He says is a very special moment, the first year of life, and I guess in a way he is right.
I think u r right too, to invite both parties and tell them you have invited both, so they can antecipate what will come.

as you did it for first child, and it obviously means a lot to you, your husband should go along with it, its not about his feelings, its about celebrating a special day. invite who you like and have fun, and if he doesnt like it, tell him to go fish, the day will be nicer without him having a face on

also, how expensive can a child's tea party be? the babies will hardly be demanding smoked salmon and caviar blinnis with elderflower cordial. jelly, ice cream, a few sarnies and some squash. hardly breaking the bank.

YAB a bit U.

If it's really about your DD feeling special vs left out when she is older you can have a family birthday tea with a cake and a candle and a paper hat and take pictures.

But it's not. It's about you wanting a party and your DH not wanting a party.

Personally I have no idea why you would want rowing families over.