to think this should be kept from them?

[birdworthington]

I am just watching 'How the other half live' and the mum is telling the daughter how she has got another debt letter. This happened on last weeks programme as well. Why?

Surely they should not be telling them about debts? I understand that children have to learn about money but this is putting stress on them.

I worked with one boy that had severe anger problems which I think stemmed from his mum telling him constantly how his dad had left them in debt and how they were on the verge of losing their home. He was 13 ffs! he should be worrying about girls and computers.

AIBU to think you can explain to children that money is tight without burdening them with your problems?

Yes I think you can teach them that money is not endless and about budgets without making them fear they won't get fed tomorrow!

You shouldn't confide your worries in your kids, that's a terrible burden to place on them.

However, if you are scared you won't be able to feed them tomorrow, it can be quite hard to hide your fears from them, try as you might. It's a terrible stress and feeling of being a total failure and it can be hard to maintain an upbeat front.

Which isn't to say you shouldn't try and isn't to say you should tell your kids the ins and outs of course!

As a child, my mother always told me how her mother would tell her about their finances. This stressed her out and she worried about her mother dying and what they would do if that happened. She would tell me that she wished she hadn't known and would never do this to her children. Then she turns around and tells me all about her and my dad's finances, which stressed me out.

I just hope I can break the cycle with my children.

my parents never told me about our finances..........but I saw the stress and their arguments and didn't understand it at all.

It was only when I was much older I learned what a mess we were in finanically and I think it would have been easier for me to understand wtf was going on had they told me.

yanbu.

i can remember my dad making some off hand comment about money when i was little and then bringing me some grapes which were on the turn. he went off to do dad things and i remember crying alone because i thought we could only afford rotting food because we were so poor. it wasn't even true but it shows how seriously children take subjects like money and stabilty

YANBU my parents were always stressed about money I can remember hiding or getting sent to the door to tell the provident man that my Mum wasn't in.

I still get a funny feeling in my tummy if someone knocks on the door now which is odd but I can't help it.

My dc will be told if we are having a tight week and they ask for something but a few years ago we got into a lot of trouble when tax credits just stopped and it took 8 weeks to sort and we were getting letters about reposeeion and other scary stuff and they didn't have a clue.

Yanbu. My aunts daughter is always telling her children about her finances and it does have an effect. My aunt took her youngest grandaughter out for the day once then her grandaughter asked if they could go for a walk on the pier. My aunt said of course but when they got to the seafront she discovered she had no change for the parking meter and explained to her grandaughter that they couldn't go for a walk then but that they'd go after dinner. Her grandaughter burst into tears and was very worried that her Nan didn't have any money at all and couldn't afford dinner.

My parents have had some diffict times financially and always explained calmly and reassuringly that there wasn't a lot of money for extras but that we were safe and would always be warm, fed and ok.

I dont think children should be brought into the "tight money" situation. There are many ways and means of protecting them from this, budgeting sensibly is one way to help yourself and provide the odd treat. I agree with Glenda... last sentence.

YANBU, and I totally agree with others on this thread, but I do see how easy it would be to slip into doing this; there is nothing so stressful, isolating and scary as being in real debt and if you're a sole parent you don't have the outlet of talking to another adult; I do think it's wrong to expose them to the nitty gritty of the stress re money - but I can see how even the strongest parent could slip up sometimes. It must be so hard.

But as Glenda said, children at least do need to be able to trust that they will be 'warm,fed and ok'.

When my ex BIL had his first , 2nd and 3rd affair ex SIL told their children who were aged 10 downwards
She told them every detail, she told her son who was about 5 that when she was having him his daddy did not want him and wanted her to have an abortion (true but not the sort of thing you ever tell a child.

She was/is a vile bitch anyhow and I am surprised her long suffering husband stuck with her so long TBH.

She still as far as I am aware tells her children now aged 21 18 14 every little grown up detail of every bill, relationship and so on.

I sort of agree - children don't need to know about that tense every-time-the-postman-comes sort of money stress, but they do need to realise there are limits on available cash. Sometimes it's a tough balance.

My exh's dad used to talk to him all the time about the possibility that he might lose his job and if that happened they would lose the house and then goodness knows where they would all end up. My ex was 7 the first time he remembers this. He says he constantly felt unsafe, worried and stressed throughout his childhood and I have posted many times on MN about what a first class f*ck up he is. Think it is wrong to talk to kids about this kind of thing and can a real impact on the kind of adults they become.

YANBU but I assumed this was for the benefit of the cameras.

" Here's an envelope, open it and talk about the debt" kind of thing. At the end of the day it was a TV programme - real life, yes, but a lot of the 'set pieces' were designed to show a particular slant weren't they? I also thought the supermarket trip was similar '"ooh look , who can find the cheapest?"

I mean, lots of people look for bargains and special offers without all that malarkey.

"I also thought the supermarket trip was similar '"ooh look , who can find the cheapest?"

I mean, lots of people look for bargains and special offers without all that malarkey."

I am training DS1 very well, in the art of the finding the cheapest/bargains/offers - and he's already proved he's learning the art very well on the occasions he's been down to the local shop for more than just milk or bread