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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to see my MIL every week

14 replies

janiemouse · 15/04/2010 16:44

I have an eight month old and have got into the situation of having my MIL pop round most weeks for an afternoon. I'm still on ML, so it's difficult to get out of it, but I'm seeing more of her than I am of my own mum and it's annoying me.

She's okay really and loves her grandson, but every time she ends up irritating me. Today she told me it was time I gave up BF. I have already given it up in the day but am still doing bedtime and morning feeds, which I intend to continue. She only BF for eight months and I suspect she's jealous.

Also, I used to go up for a sleep when she was around, but now I've been told I should be getting used to the lack of sleep (even though we had a hellish night last night), and she expects me to stay up and talk to her.

How can I get out of this? Or should I tolerate it for the next couple of months until I go back to work part time. She's having him for a whole day a week then, so won't be coming round so much when I'm at home too (I hope...)

Sorry this seems like nothing but it's really bothering me

OP posts:

singsinthebath · 15/04/2010 17:06

YAB a bit U. I bet she really looks forward to seeing her grandson and it's only once a week and it's worth keeping her sweet for when she's going to be looking after DS when you go back to work. Is MIL a bit lonely?

If you want a nap, why not suggest she does a morning instead. And let the unwanted advice wash over you.

hocuspontas · 15/04/2010 17:11

Well I'd have thought it was better that she sees your ds regularly seeing as she's going to be looking after him! And I can't see what not seeing your mum has to do with it really. Once a week is not that much.

OTTMummA · 15/04/2010 18:11

you've only got a month of these weekely visits left so i would just ignore the comments and have a chat with her when she's round.

I know this isn't helpful and i think your MIL said it the wrong way, but really you're going to be back at work soon and you can't have a nap there even if you've had the night from hell, so it would be a good idea to kind of get used to it now so its not such a shock when you really do need to be functioning and not able to rest IYKWIM.

The only naps i had with my DS were born when he was asleep and then around 6 months i only joined him if i was really tired and had no mountains of stuff to do lol.

waitingforbedtime · 15/04/2010 18:13

YABU probably but so am I. We see MIL and FIL every Friday afternoon in life and I do sometimes resent it a bit.

jellybeans · 15/04/2010 18:14

YANBU Weekly is alot if they are annoying, you need your space. My MIL used to come daily, then weekly and eventually monthly as we distanced ourselves abit due to extreme IL issues.

Could you meet her at a coffee shop or soft play instead so that you can leave after an hour or so?

going · 15/04/2010 18:14

It's only for another month! I have had visits from my IL's nearly every weekend for the past 8 years and can not stand it, would be so happy if I knew it would all end in a month!

neenz · 15/04/2010 18:18

Think yourself lucky - when I was on ML, FIL and MIL used to turn up every day at 5pm, when I was most tired and grumpy and couldn't be bothered. They never rang ahead to ask if it was ok either. (They still don't )

Why not ask if she wants to take your LO out for an hour or two for a walk, to the park or to a coffee shop or something like that?

An afternoon a week is not so bad really but it's probably because you have no control over whether she comes or not that is really bothering you.

YANBU about the BFing comments

Firawla · 15/04/2010 18:18

I think as its not indefinitely but only for a couple of months, and you are asking childcare from her after that it wouldnt be a good idea to say anything, you said she is generally nice so just ignore the annoying comments and just put up with it a bit, would probably be the best suggestion.
But yanbu @ all to find it irritating, if you want to reduce it then you could be busy on some of the days she comes, but as mentioned if she is going to do childcare its good she spends time and is familiar with your ds. I think the nap comment is not that unreasonable, but her commenting on the bf is not her business so thats over the line, it sounds like she is not the worst of mils though so i would try to overlook the faults and get on with her. See how it goes once your back at work

Coldhands · 15/04/2010 19:25

YANBU. If it is something that is bothering you, as it obviously is, then it is an issue for you.

Can you start making plans and go out in the afternoons? Say to MIL that you are planning on doing more with your days?

It has nothing to do with her however you choose to spend you time or parent your child. She may continue to make 'helpful' suggestions if she thinks she can get away with it.

chandellina · 15/04/2010 20:24

I think YABU to say she can't/shouldn't visit, but I don't see why you shouldn't assert your needs too, such as taking a nap when she is around. I don't think that is rude, I often did it when my MIL came round. (also weekly)
If she questions you on BFing, etc., I would just say - well, this is how we're doing it, or this is what we've decided, everyone has an opinion. in a lighthearted way.

Original poster

janiemouse · 15/04/2010 21:02

Thanks - I will try to be more tolerant!

It sounds like some of you have a lot worse Everything is more difficult when you're not getting much sleep (including getting on with MILs), but you're right, I won't be able to catch up on sleep when I'm back at work. And the visits will only be for a couple more months.

DS is just starting to get a bit clingy so I guess it's good for him to keep seeing her regularly for when he goes to spend the day with her.

She isn't that bad really and I'm now feeling guilty for moaning about her...

OP posts:

saslou · 15/04/2010 22:39

Mine still comes round once a week (on a Sunday when I would really like to just be with dh and dc). I would like to see her less but feel it is imp for my dc to spend time with her as they do with my family. When I first had ds1 (13yrs ago)she used to come round every day and just sit in my house for hours monopolising my son. I sometimes used to hide upstairs and pretend to be out, just to get some space from her. In the end I had to say something. I recommend going out or asking her to phone first as you may be meeting a friend. Get in first and say you won't be around tomorrow as you've made plans. If you are out a few times it may encourage her to phone ahead, as my MIL now does.Good luck - I know how you feel

Portofino · 15/04/2010 22:41

When you think of how often she should come, remember that as mother of a son, this will be YOU one day.

June2009 · 16/04/2010 00:16

Same problem with my mainly nice but slightly deranged & psycho mil. (though no way in hell I'd let her on her own with 9mo dd).
I either switch the bell off and/or don't pick up the phone when I need some space or go out to lots of baby groups everyday. Now that the weather is nice we're out walking a lot.
She now rings before turning up (though most of the times from outside the house, still working on that!)
I can empathise, I personally don't want the pressure of keeping the house spotless at all times to her very high standards. and my house is clean and tidy but she'll pick up and comment on something everytime.
I on the other hand am juggling working from home and looking after the baby, I'm lucky if I can fit in a shower most days!

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