I've been having some problems with somebody I know. I did post about this previously and some of you lovely people gave me some good advice . Basically, she coming round to my house 4-5 times a week, rarely ask if it was ok (and then she would ask DS1, he's 4!), let herself into my house, take her coat off and park herself. She would come back with as after toddler groups as well, always on the assumption that it was ok when often it was not. Then when she was round, she would be very judgy and critical about me as a parent (DS1's hair, DS1 still beng in a nappy at night, DS1's trousers "falling down", DS2's dummy addiction, the DSes bedroom being a tip [DS2 has a habit of trashing it when he's supposed to be in bed], bits missing from puzzles [interestingly usually lost while she was round] etc etc). She caused me problems too, she told my boys they could play football in the front room, encouraged them to thow their art stuff around, told them we were going on a trip to a fire station when I was 37 weeks pregnant and I'd decided I couldn't face it as it was 2 buses and I had a MW appointment that same afternoon, teaching DS1 to drop his ts after I'd pulled him up about it, you get the picture!!! She didn't make up for it in any way by being particularly nice or helpful or interesting, she was just a pain in the bum in my front room. The thing that really tipped the balance was when she took DS1 back to her house after toddlers. I knew he was with her but I had assumed that she would bring him straight back to my house, but when DS2 and I got home, they were't there and I did not know where he was.
I hoped she would back off after DS3 arrived but she didn't, it was like nothing had happened, she was still inviting herslef round and staying for ages with no consideration for me, baby, the DSes or DH when he was around after I had the baby. So then I took the advice you folks gave me and it worked, she stopped coming around .
Unfortunately, because she's not normal, she didn't just back off, she wrote me this quite self-absorbed letter about how it had all upset her and she couldn't imagine what she done to get up my nose, was it because she had made fun of DS3's name I hadn't actually realised she had! She complained that I wouldn't let her cuddle DS3 when she'd tried to grab him off me. It all made me cross so I decided to ignore it. I really don't have the time or the energy to deal with non-family aggravation atm.
Anyway, it had pretty much blown over to the point where I was able to talk to her without wanting to bash her on the head with a large book, when on Sunday she asked (for the first time) whether she could come round this week. I said very politely that we were going to be busy, I had plans to take the boys out n a trip, we needed to go into town, we were going to things at the children centre. She said, "fair enough", I thought "easy!!" then she asked what she had done to offend me. I was then faced with the tricky choice of either lying or telling her the truth when I knew she wasn't going to like it. I plumped for the truth and told her very calmly that I didn't really like her coming round all the time, to which she said, "Well I haven't been. I can't get in now that you lock the door"!!!!! I can't remember what happened next, but I ended up telling her she was judgy. She said, "I don't judge people, I'm a Christian," which was so ridiculous I would have laughed if the situation hadn't been so horrible. She is actually one of the most judgemental people I have ever met. Anyway, she then said, "So am I forgiven? Can I come round?" No apology or anything, and I told her that I didn't want her coming round and the judgyness is such a big part of who she is I didn't think I could be friends with someone so judgy. She then started to cry (she's in her 60s btw) and stomped off, saying she had better not see DS1 any more. I locked myself in the loo for 10 minutes and while I was in there I could hear her telling people that I "wasn't a Christian".
I do not feel good about this. I never wanted to have the conversation with her in the first place. I know I haven't handled this at all well. I should have told her that she was frgiven but that didn't mean I wanted her round at my house. I could use having 3 kids under 5 and no support as an excuse but tbh and think I would probably have handled this just as badly if I didn't. I am also unhappy at her idea of forgiveness, that she can do whatever she likes, she doesn't have to take any responsibility for her behaviour, there are no consequences, she doesn't ever have to apologise and it doesn't matter if she hurts or offends because if someone's a "Christian" they'll just forgive her.
On the way home, DH said, "don't worry, it will all be alright," "you've really upset her," and "she thinks she's helping". I don't want to ask him if iabu because I will feel hurt if I knw I don't have his support.
So what do you think? Am I officially a bitch? Or is this woman a loony?