to be miffed with my twin mum friends?

[confusulation]

Because I am miffed and I'll tell you why.

I am friends/friendly with 4 sets of twin mums and have been with each of them since before any of us had children.

They quite often have gripes with peoples comments regarding twins and the work involved etc, the vast majority of which I entirely agree with. However obviously they have in many ways had double the hard work especially in the early stages, for which I admire them.

However, I've recently announced that I am expecting DC2 and each of them, seperately and without exception (although in varying ways obviously) have either said congratulations (or not in one case) and then gone on to comment on how they couldn't cope with the 'lack of attention' of a single pregnancy, and don't see how a single could ever compare to the excitement of twins.

It's made me feel that they see my pregnancy as boring and run of the mill - nothing to get excited about at all.

AIBU to think they should practice what they preach and consider the feelings of the lowly non-multiple mother???

Maybe it's hormones (that old chestnut) and I expected it of one of them, but it's ruffled my feathers a bit.

No you are not being unreasonable!

I am a twin mum and yes its hard work but its also hard work being pregnant when you already have a child and having children of different ages.

Its not a competition for who has the hardest life - good grief what ridiculous comments. they sound like a bunch of martyrs.

Ignore them and enjoy your pregnancy but if it comes up again come clean!

As a twin mum I would be so excited for you. I wouldn't wish twins on my worst ememy . I love my DT's but they are such hard work and the pregnancy was horrific. I've also had a singleton pregnancy and it was a walk in the park.

Whispers your friends are probably jealous

Congratulations.

tkband3 sorry to hijack thread but I was wondering if you would be able to tell me where you went for your hair in Southgate as per this thread? I have been waiting with bated breath but you haven't been back!

Sorry sorry sorry OP

And huge congrats on your pregnancy, your "friends" sounds like a bunch of arses. Ignore them and when they start up shout "twat!" at them in your head .

ImSoNotTelling - I've posted on the other thread - sorry for not seeing your question before.

Sorry for hijack OP . I did have another thought though - are these twin mum friends of yours friends with each other? If not, do they have other friends who have twins? I only ask because whenever I hear a friend is newly pregnant, I secretly hope they are having twins, purely from a selfish point of view of course - just because I want someone close to me to know exactly what it's like...the joy and the pain . Doesn't mean I'm any less excited for them when I hear they are expecting one baby, but in all honesty I probably would be extra excited if a close friend were to have twins. I hope that makes sense and doesn't make me sound weird or horrid in any way. But in any case, I certainly wouldn't make my feelings known and definitely wouldn't make any disparaging comments about any pregnancy.

Congratulations - my sister recently had twins and it seems such hard work. I think the benefits of a single pregnancy far outweigh the benefits of a multiple birth.

I have twins and am now pg with a singleton and I am loving it - your friends sound jealous, are they having any more children or are they all stopping at the twins?

I would be very if I thought I would never experience a singleton pregnancy and never have a singleton newborn because twins are very hard work and I can't wait to see what it is like 'normally'. So your friends actually probably wish they were experiencing a 'dull' singleton pregnancy.

My SIL is pg with twins and do not envy her at all!

I have twins and 3 singletons. All my pregnancies were as special. The only simelar comments I have heard from twin mums are that (usually if they have only had twins before) it would seem weird and abit 'normal' not having twins next time. I was relieved not to have twins last time as both me and one of my twins almost died at birth, as has been said, there is alot to be said for a low risk pregnancy! i think your friends are abit thoughtless/tactless or are too wrapped up in their own situations to consider others.

Congrats by the way

Thebolter speaks a lot of sense.

Having twins is wonderful and amazing and you do feel very special but equally it can be (and was in my case) hugely difficult in the first year. I had a tricky pregnancy and quite a few issues afterwards and I used to envy the 'easy' time my friends had with their singleton babies. And I used to inwardly seethe when they told me how the midwife had said they'd "enough milk for twins" (as if successfully breastfeeding twins was about how much milk you had...) or when I heard about how they met their NCT chums every week in the local starbucks and got to sit feeding their babies with a coffee.

Maybe I'm strange. I wish everyone could experience twins because it's a great blessing and really the best thing that every happened to me (twice the joy) but also because I want people to truly understand the work/slog involved (twice the pain). That probably sounds martyrish and maybe it is but I think it was SUCH hard work for me in the early months that I would have welcomed the thought that somebody anybody knew what it was really like.

Their point was a little laboured and blunt and you are probably a bit hormonal, which is a crap mix and is probably why you're miffed. If I'm really honest it's probably a mixture of truth and jealousy; truth because twins ARE fantastic and wonderful and all the positive adjectives and if you have them you really do feel that they're preferable to having a singleton (which is just as well really otherwise you'd throw yourself off a cliff I think...) but jealousy because you get to experience a singleton pregnancy and that wonderful lost and missed - oh how it's missed) opportunity to bond with just one newborn baby - to turn yourself inwards to that newborn without having to consider the other newborn.

I'm a mother of twins and that's the only mother I'll ever be. It has bought me much joy and happiness and I'd never change it, but I know that in my parallel universe if the singleton mother that I never was and I know that experience would have been easier and less gruelling and less logistically complicated.

Gah, I'm not making much sense. Three year old twins does that to you I think....

Congratulations btw, i would do anything to have a brother/sister for my dd multiple or single every pregnancy is a blessing.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I have twins and singles, and think your friends are being ridiculous. It's nice to see your babies on many, many scans, but the worry that the next might show a problem outweighs it. 'Lack of attention' is a good thing when it means your baby is safe.

I would have been thrilled to have twins again, but now DD5 is here I can't find any fault with her. Every baby is exciting!

Perhaps they are jealous? I think the bolter might have hit the nail on the head.
What a ridiculous thing for them to say - I think you should tell them that their comments upset you.
I have identical twins, but I am pleased when people don't comment that they are twins (some don't even realise to begin with) as I want them to be individuals and I don't want them to be always labelled 'the twins'.
I have come across some who LOVE the attention / I don' know how you do it / how amazing to have twins / constant questions and I do find it rather strange...........