To think that this was a totlly inappropriate subject to bring up at my birthday dinner (and indeed-at all.)

[MargeHomerBart]

I have been feeling upset about my birthday dinner two weeks ago and I have only recently realised why.
My mum suffers from bipolar disorder. She has alwys been quite open bout it but that is her business.
I invited one of my friends from years ago to this lunch but we are not best friends. She told us a story about one of her bipolar friends then asked if my mum was bipolar in front of the other guests. (she guessed)
I think that it is totally inappropriate to bring this up in public.

More importantly- shall I now tell said friend that I am annoyed with her. I am too angry to speak about this to her face and she is pregnant so we must make allowances for hormones but I can't help thinking that this was not a friendly gesture that she made.

MrsVidic, I agree that mental health issues need to be discussed to be understood. However, I do feel that people should be able to 'deal with' issues like this in their own time and pace not be 'forced' to discuss them at a time/place that may make them feel uncomfortable if you see what I mean.

exactly

a dinner party is really not the best place, puts the person under a big amount of pressure not to react in certain ways,

really unfair imo

How much can it have bothered you if it took you 2 weeks of thinking about it to realise why you are upset?

Just because you are ashamed of mental illness doesn't mean other people are, or should be.

I don't think that not wanting to discuss something personal
at a dinner party necessarily makes one ashamed does it? DH is bi polar. I am not ashamed of him in any way but I don't feel the need to talk about it on every occasion, nor do I think it's appropriate to do so, especially if he's not present.

I think that it is totally inappropriate to bring this up in public. I Agree, it is not her mother to talk about.

The OP hasn't said she was ashamed of mental illness FGS

she said it made her feel uncomfortable to be pressed to talk about somehting intensely personal in front of other people.

How dare anyone here tell her how she should feel? You can't control how you feel!

and Cat64 you could equally apply that to all sorts of things...really personal things...like the cancer analogy below which unsurprisingly nobody has taken up

People may not WANT the group support thing, they may not wish to be 'helped' by this group of friends on this issue

To assume they do is incredibly patronising.
Politicians, etc, television presenters, yes it is helpful for them to talk about this kind of topic, because then it doesn't relate to one person, it is wider.

TOTALLY different scenario.

It is inappropriate. Reminds me of my mother in law who has a knack of bringing up my parents' deaths completely out of the blue. For example we can be discussing the range of shops in her town over a cup of tea and she will suddenly say 'it so sad that your parents' are not around to see the children grow-up'. Oh I had not thought about that for a few hours but thanks for reminding me.

For a a while, before I got used to, it she might as well have punched me in the stomach.

TThere is a time and a place!

I don't have a problem with people with bipolar as obviously love my mum but I obviously have a problem with the huge amount of pain it has bought our family. I think I just didn't want to talk about that subject on my birthday which is, after all, supposed to be a light-hearted occassion.

Exactly Marge...and you have every right to feel hurt by it.

Actually, having just re-read your OP it seems the friend guessed about your Mum? which is just completely out of order in any situation.

It would be like someone saying to you 'I think your child is autistic'

Really, really inappropriate.

How did you react at the time - was it very awkward?

Yanbu. Did the other people at the dinner party know your mum is bi-polar? Totally inappropriate for friend to bring it up if she didn't know whether the others knew or not.

Just because it's a mental health issue the op didn't want to discuss doesn't mean she is ashamed.

I would be angry if a friend said "Oh your mum has cancer doesn't she?" after telling a cancer story. I might not have told the other people there. Totally out of order.

Personally I wouldn't say anything to friend as I'm not good with confrontations!

Depends on how 'private' a person you are naturally.
I can talk about diabetes or mental health or anything. But then these things don't bother me.
Op has this thread calmed you down a bit ? It appears so. But why don't you still mention to your friend that you felt uncomfortable. Best to. Then she will know. Do you suspect she will immediately apologise and say she is so sorry.
If so then I think that would be a good resolution.