to think my low opinion of my ex is validated by his MSN picture?

[aSilverlining]

Ex has a picture as his MSN profile picture of two naked punky girls (bright coloured hair, piercings, tattoos), smiling as one sucks on the other's nipple.

AIBU to conclude that this picture sums up what a knobhead he is?

Every email I get off him has this pic next to it/his name. It is not recent he has had pic for a couple of years now.

Oh and just for background so I am not BU by stealth he was emotionally abusive whilst we were together, and is more than likely firmly in the closet.

There is a reason Exs are Exs.

Oh gosh have just seen the last bit of your post - I must have scrolled down too far and missed it That was in response to the picture not the fact he was abusive. Sorry

It's ok I got what you meant. And yes, it does serve in reminding me what a first class twat he is!

Thank goodness for that I had this horrible image then of a mouthful of abuse coming my way from other posters!! Phew.

And yes; twat indeed

Why is he still an email/msn contact then

I assume to communicate re the kids, yes?

Yes, anything I serious I want to communicate with him about I do via email so that:

• I have a record of everything said
• there are no emotional reactions from either of us (meaning he cannot try to manipulate me and when he does I can take a step back, and reply when I have my head back on right).
• he remains reasonable (as he is aware I can keep it/save it/print it/show it to people he has lied about said issue to)
• for my own peace of mind (for example he still has a large expensive tent of mine and the agreement over this is now in writing via email, if he does go back on his word (to either give me the cash for it, or pitch it, waterproof it and clean it for me to sell on ebay) I would persue this.

sorry lots of brackets there I don't know what came over me!

SilverLining, hope things are settling down, glad your ex is still an EX. Despite the picture that accompanies the e-mails, I think e-mail is the absolute best way to communicate when it's needed, for all the reasons you mentioned. Keeps him honest.

The closet thing I can identify with in my Ex. I think the picture of the two girls is a pathetic attempt to appear raunchy in a straight lad way? i.e overdoing the laddish thing in an attempt to present himself as something other than what he really is?

Oh and YANBU

Sounds like a perfectly good reason to still have him as contact! And infact a very clever idea if he was emotionally abusive! Just sorry you have to look at that vile image everytime!

Hi Math Yes you and I share a common bond in terms of our exes denial I think.

I think the picture serves two purposes:

• he put the picture up while we still together and I think it was meant to rile/demean/upset me (he enjoyed telling me I was boring in bed, didn't have sex enough, didn;t give him enough attention, yadda yadda yadda). Ooh look at these two hot outgoing girls who are LOVING sexual contact. For the record since I left ex my libido has gone through the roof and I have had no complaints in that department from NM.
• the picture says 'Ooh look at me I am totally turned on by these two naked girls, I'm totally straight, honest!' Yeah right!

Things have been much less hassle with ex since we split than I thought they would be, TBH I have put this down to the support I have had from MN and in RL regarding opening my eyes to his behaviour. He has had nothing but boundaries since I left and it has really stumped him that I am no longer affected by his manipulation.

the reason men put pictures like this up is due to the fact they would never be able to keep it up long enough and would blow far to soon

The pic annoys me as DS uses my laptop and when he goes on I have to log out of and close my email tabs as I worry he will see the pic which pretty much amounts to porn IMO. Also although it is MSN I use, I never use the 'chat' facility, I always log in as offline and just use it for emailing.

Just appalling that he would send a picture like that knowing your DS might end up seeing it. And leaving the responsibility and hassle of keeping it away from your DS in your hands. Could you change the e-mail address he uses to communicate with you to something like hotmail so at least you're free to use the MSN for chatting without worrying, and then block e-mail from him to your MSN address?

Yes, first class twat just about sums it up