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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In not wanting him to go.

40 replies

Tobermory · 13/04/2010 16:10

Ok, first AIBU post but have read many ... Be kind!!

Am pregnant with DC2, due late May/ early June. I work pt but will almost cetainly have to go back mid/late Oct. I would much rather have the 9 months I had with DD but with childcare costs is simply not possible. We have streched ourselves a lot as it is to allow for the mat leave as is planned.

DH wants to go on a boys weekend to a beer festival in late sep. This is not the norm, he has only had one jolly away in the last 6 years and doesn't have the financial outgoings i do. I guess what I'm trying to explain is that he doesn't spend lots of our family income on himself, whereas I have fairly costly haircuts every 3/4 months etc. He is also generous and will often come home with flowers or little gifts fr me.
So he wants to go away for what will b a fairly costly weekend- I reckon the best part of 400+ - 3 weeks before I have to go back to work as we can't afford for me not to? It would go on his credit card as opposed to out of household but still will need to repaid from money that could go on something else.
I also feel a bit miffed that he wants to go when baby will only b a few mnths old.

So... am I being unreasonable or is he??

OP posts:

seeker · 13/04/2010 21:20

OF COURSE he should go!

If only because over the past 6 years you will have spent around 1200 quid on haircuts......!

(depending on what you mean by costly - my friend spends 100 quid every 3 months - so that's 2400 quid over 6 years - I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt!)

SloanyPony · 13/04/2010 21:26

I'm not thinking anyone is being unreasonable as such, but I do think regardless, you should "let" him go. Forget all the other stuff and the timing etc and just remind yourself that its been ages since he's been away. He could do something else instead, but he WANTS to do this. Let him. He'll reward you if he is as generous spirited as he sounds.

mollybob · 13/04/2010 21:28

My DH is planning a trip in Sept - a once in a lifetime thing while I'm off on maternity leave so him being away for 2 weeks will have no childcare costs (he's a mostly SAHD and will be more so once DC3 arrives and I go back to work ft in November). I don't want him to go but am feeling a bit late pregnancy wobbly so know it's a good thing for him and I'm encouraging him to do it.

So, I think YABU but I completely understand it.

whywhywhydelilah · 13/04/2010 21:30

Tough one but I would let him go.

zipzap · 13/04/2010 22:24

Any way that you could get him to start putting some money aside for it each week? Even if it is just a coin jar that he puts in the pounds that he would have spent on flowers or little gifts for you.

Keeping every £2 coin that comes through his wallet (or your purse) to put in it - just oddments here and there that won't be noticed too much out of the general budget. He might be able to get enough if not to cover the cost of the trip then at least to provide a chunk towards the cost to lessen the impact.

Also - it's £400. if you reckon that it would not be too unreasonable an amount in a few months time then it is not too large an amount to keep ticking over on a credit card (especially if he can get a 0% interest one) for a short time. If he was wanting to spend £4,000 on something that would be different.

Have you found the www.moneysavingexpert.com website and newsletter? Most people seem to have but it does usually have some good ideas on ways to save money, as well as vouchers and codes to save money on things that you need to buy anyway.

seeker · 13/04/2010 22:30

zipzap - check out the expensive haircuts every 3 months bit of the OP.

Original poster

Tobermory · 13/04/2010 23:21

The mention of haircuts wasn't supposed to be an 'i'm so flash with my expensive haircuts', more an example of how monies go out. Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned it, seems to be a bit of a sticking point! I spend a bit every so often having my hair done but certainly not at the expense of anything else and DH has his hobbies that he chooses to spend money on.

Zipzap, some good ideas. I have used that website before- love a bargain!

Thankyou to the voices of reason.

We talked about it tonight, I explained my reservations re timing and said he better bring me something lovely but not beer related! He has spent many a happy hour this evening looking at flights and things.

OP posts:

kalo12 · 13/04/2010 23:25

i think he should go, after all how much would 400 quid really mean in terms of time with your lo, if it is a one off i say fair enough, but do understand how awful it is to go back to work earlier than you want to.

abouttoleave · 13/04/2010 23:34

yabu

thumbwitch · 14/04/2010 00:12

that's great Tobermory - glad you managed to have a chat about it with a good outcome (if not necessarily the one you really wanted but at least he'll be happy)

ChippingIn · 14/04/2010 05:33

That's great

I'm glad he's going, for both your sakes. I think if you'd said you didn't want him to, he would have, quite reasonably, been a bit peeved.

It's not like it's around your due date or anything and he can't change the date of the Beerfest.

He'll have a fab time, get pissed, remember what it was like to be young, footloose and fancy free - then when he wakes up with the king of hangovers - he'll remember how much nicer it is now he's married, to a lovely wife and have 2 small DC's - it's a Win/Win.

So when's your next fancy haircut??

Just kidding

ZacharyQuack · 14/04/2010 05:55

I'm glad you have both come to an understanding. Parenting is hard on the blokes too, we all need a break.

zipzap · 14/04/2010 17:19

Hi Seeker - I had read the bit about the haircuts (and had originally mentioned them in my post) but then saw the later post where OP said next hair cut was going to be to celebrate going back to work so assume that they are no longer happening on a regular basis. And then I had to change my post to remove the mention of them

Tobermory - glad to see that you and your dh have had a good discussion about it that has left both of you happy about it.

My dh, whenever he wants something big(ish) usually justifies it by saying that 'as midlife crises go, at least I'm not buying a flash red sports car/going trekking in Nepal/[insert any number of expensive midlife crisis type activities here] which always makes me laugh. And he's not (quite) old enough for a mid life crisis just yet - and he's not at all extravagant usually, just not so used to treating himself to stuff occasionally so feels he has to justify it. WHich he doesn't I hasten to add - I like it when he treats himself to stuff that he will enjoy (and it isn't like he ever wants to spend money we don't have).

gtamom · 15/04/2010 05:49

Yabalbu.
The timing may be a bit off, but sounds like he really deserves a treat. So he has to pay it back, money isn't everything, but a good husband is hard to find, treat him well.

gtamom · 15/04/2010 05:53

Tobermory, I just now noticed your username. We stay near a place named Tobermory every summer, on the Bruce Peninsula. Same Tobermory?

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