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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about my car?

34 replies

YellowDaffodil · 13/04/2010 12:14

Very long, Sorry.

A bit of background, I have never really got on with my BILs girlfriend and neither has DH. She is a lot older and quite patronising but also lies (alot). Everything is always someone elses fault and any success anyone has is a slight to her because she's had such a hard life!
BIL is lazy and selfish and tbh we avoid them as much as possible because its easier that way.

She had a car but it had to go back because she couldn't afford the finance, then she bought a cheap run around which died and is languishing on their front lawn. The thing is they live in HA property so rent is reasonable and I don't think they have many outgoings and seem to spend a lot of time out in the pub etc. so not sure money is an issue anymore. They went to Mexico last year and are off to New York soon, so obviously there was enough money to buy a cheap run around if they had wanted. Not judging here if they prefer to spend money on a holiday thats fine, its their money.

DH is working away and will be back at the weekend, BIL phoned him earlier to ask if they can borrow our car for a couple of days. DH is in company vehicle, I have car at home but don't use it to get to work. DH said no as I might need it, I am actually taking the rest of the week off so probably will. BIL knows I don't really use it other than to do large supermarket shops and visit my family who aren't in walking distance, he got quite arsey with DH. Then said knew some friends had borrowed the car a few weeks ago. This is true, but there were special circumstances behind this and they are closer to us than BIL IYSWIM. Anyway hung up on DH after saying he was going to come round tonight to get the keys from me wtf? BIL doesn't drive so it must be his girlfriend who would be doing the driving and I don't especially feel like being tag teamed by them on my front doorstep.

The thing is even if it was convienient I wouldn't lend them the car, its mine. I worked my way up from a crappy £200 banger at 17 to a car I really love and I don't want to lend it to anyone selfish as that sounds. Besides she's not insured and I don't know if her license is clean etc. so couldn't actually put her on my insurance with any confidence that I wasn't lying and invalidating said insurance anyway - besides they still owe us money from a few years ago and she wouldn't pay any charge if there was one.

AIBU to tell them to get lost if they turn up and make it quite clear they will NEVER be borrowing our car? Or am I being ridiculously protective of a lump of metal?

OP posts:
ButtercupWafflehead · 13/04/2010 12:16

Er, I think you know the answer to this one.

It's your car, say "no"!

Park the car away from the house and don't answer the door!

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 13/04/2010 12:18

No way at all. It is just a lump of metal but so are a lot of things and that doesn't mean you want all and sundry using them.

Don't open the door, don't lend the car and tell your dh to tell them not to come round.

mnistooaddictive · 13/04/2010 12:20

YANBU I wouldn't let them borrow my car. Is ther a special reason why they need one? I agree park the car away from home and don't open door. You could text and say - "sorry not home tonight for you to collect car. by the way I need it this week so you can't borrow it."

twolittlemonkeys · 13/04/2010 12:21

YANBU at all! I can't believe their cheek expecting to borrow your car!!! You are not being overprotective at all.

Can you go out somewhere tonight? Prove that in fact you do need your car and avoid having the confrontation with them? Your DH should ring BIL back and let him know in no uncertain terms that he can't borrow your car. What a nerve!

Reality · 13/04/2010 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jumpingjackhash · 13/04/2010 12:21

Blimmin cheek! You are not BU at all, it's your car so only you can decide who to lend it to (if anyone at all). Tell them to hire a car if they really need one - that's not too expensive for just a couple of days.

MmeLindt · 13/04/2010 12:22

No, you are not being unreasonable.

Tell them that the car is not insured for fuckwits driving it.

titch7069 · 13/04/2010 12:24

YANBU it is your car, how dare BIL 'tell' your DH he will come round and get the keys when DH told him he couldn't use it. It doesn't matter whether you need to use it or not, it is YOURS and is not for BIL to decide if it is necessary for you to use it or not!

runnybottom · 13/04/2010 12:28

Tell them you forgot to add on twat coverage so its just not possible.

MamaGlee · 13/04/2010 12:29

If they turn up just say "no. I need it"

don't get into discussion about why you lent to friends or anytrhing

none of their business

cheeky bastard

jumpingjackhash · 13/04/2010 12:30

I'd keep a look out for them arriving for the keys, then get in and drive away just as they approach... maybe wave as you drive past?

malovitt · 13/04/2010 12:30

I never lend my car to anyone unless they are an extremely close friend, I know their driving history, they have their own valid insurance which makes them eligible to drive any car and that they are the sort of person who would, without question, pay any fine incurred whilst driving.

So a bit fat No Way.

YellowDaffodil · 13/04/2010 12:32

MmeLindt - Thank you, I am going to say just that.

DH phoning but BIL has turned his phone off! He has texted to say his B is under no circumstances to turn up at our house, hopefully he will turn his phone on at some point. No number for his girlfriend and don't want to get it off MIL as she is sick and would worry.

DD has a friend round tonight so I don't really want to go out.

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFlowers · 13/04/2010 12:36

YANBU at all.

BIL seems to think he automatically has the right to our car when he wants shit taking to the tip or half a ton of topsoil moved because it is an estate and his isn't.

He also thinks we are being precious because the car is old. Yes the car is old but it's in good nick and the only frickin' car we can afford. Tosspot.

I feel your pain.

ClaireDeLoon · 13/04/2010 12:37

I can't believe after being told no he said he would just turn up! Is he always that rude? YANBU at all.

BelleDameSansMerci · 13/04/2010 12:41

YANBU. At all. Bloody cheek.

YellowDaffodil · 13/04/2010 12:43

LadyOfTheFlowers - So its not just us who are on the planet to serve a loony BIL then.

ClaireDeLoon - Always, this is a man who phoned my DH to tell him he was moving in with us when DD was 4 weeks old (and DH was working away so actually he was moving in with me!) because he was sick of girlfriend and had nowhere else to go. Needless to say DH told him to do one but to this day BIL still thinks this was unreasonable. To put this in perspective BIL was unemployed at the time and his girlfriend asked him to paint the kitchen - he said she was being disrespectful expecting him to do things round the house. Thats his version of events by the way.

OP posts:
VinegarTitsOnaDiet · 13/04/2010 12:46

He sounds like a right nobhead, tell him to fuck the fuckoff

LadyOfTheFlowers · 13/04/2010 12:54

No,not just you.

He only bothers with DH when he wants something. Upsets DH a lot.

5Foot5 · 13/04/2010 12:56

YANBU and rather than avoiding the confrontation you should tell him / them in no uncertain terms that they cannot borrow the car now or ever.

If you make excuses they might try again one day.

If you are firm now then hopefully they won't try that one on again.

kickassangel · 13/04/2010 13:01

What's the phrase I heard here recently?
Oh yeah, 'fuck the fuck off, and when you get there, fuck off again'.

You may wish to add 'but not in my car'

haha, your BIL has taken on the wrath of mn. poor fool.

needsdirection · 13/04/2010 13:03

YANBU, they're nuts. Just tell them you're sorry but you need it, and suggest they check out renting a car for a couple of days.

Rockbird · 13/04/2010 13:07

No! Don't tell them you're sorry (first rule of my Dealing with Difficult Customers course ) Never apologise unless you actually have done something wrong.

I would do what jumpingjack said. Wait for them to arrive and then get in it and drive off giving them a big wave

Cheeky bastards!

VinegarTitsOnaDiet · 13/04/2010 13:12

In all seriousness, i would get your DH to ring him back and tell him NOT to going round and taking the keys from you, because you will not be giving them to him

Why should you have to deal with having to confront this gobshite?

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 13/04/2010 13:13

I'd make sure that the keys are out of sight, and then when they turn up on the doorstep, just keep saying 'No' - cite their lack of insurance.

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable - they are!

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