Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my health visitor shouldnt have "just assumed"...

39 replies

itsybitsy08 · 13/04/2010 11:58

was dd,s health check the other day and after going though everything the hv ended by telling me that i could get some stuff for free, including babygates, fireguards etc.
I thought oh brill, love a freebie, until she then stated that i had to do was "bring my proof of IS to the childrens centre"
I work and am not on benefits.
Told her this, she apologized and said she "just assumed, you look young and ...."
AIBU to think that she should not make assumptions about peoples situations based on apperance - im 22, look younger!

OP posts:
oldraver · 13/04/2010 20:30

Galena the same happened to me. HV turned up at the house and when DS1 answered she got a bit huffy and wanted to know where I was as she had left a message she was coming

DS told her I was at the SCBU

strawberrykate · 13/04/2010 21:00

I'm at the age where I find it flattering frankly.Prenancy has fleshed out my face and suddently I look 10 years younger (not great for teaching!) I got invited to the scheme for young mums in our area by midwife who said they would also be doing a talk on accessing education. I finally got a word in edgeways to point out I'm pushing 30 and teaching myself.

BarbieLovesKen · 13/04/2010 21:50

No, definately not BU. Agree - its just plain rude and you'd imagine a HV would certinly know better..

I had an awful experience at the hands of a so called "health professional" over an assumption.

When my dd was about 2 (I was 22), I had a chest infection, I made a Doctors appointment but couldnt get one for a few days - by the time my appointment came around dd appeared to have a head cold and I decided I would get her chest checked out, just incase, while I was in there anyway.

Im in Ireland and we dont have an NHS, not sure how doctor visits work regarding payment in the UK but here, its €50 per person, per visit unless you qualify for a medical card, in which case its free.

I couldnt get an appointment with my usual GP but with his wife, I checked with the Receptionist when I went in if it was ok for her to see DD too, told it would be fine.

Went in to Doctor's office, was treated appallingly!!. Took one look at us, and I know what assumptions she made.

Firstly she didnt hide her annoyance that I wanted dd checked (realised later it was because she presumed we werent paying cash), she got annoyed with dd when she was fidgeting about when trying to check her throat (she was TWO ffs!) and proceeded to tell me "I dont have the time for this, I have other important patients to see, I dont know if she has a sore throat, Ill give you a prescription and just give it to her if you think she needs it"

She actually rolled her eyes when she went on to the PC to look up dd's details and very sarcastically asked "so whats this ones surname then.." (realised after it was because of course it couldnt be the same as mine)

She was giving me a prescription for myself, and announced "I presume you dont need a note for work" (I did actually).

To top it all off, you print in the office and go out to main reception to collect from printer and to pay. The very embarrased Receptionist whispered to me that "so sorry xxx, Dr. xxx just presumed you were on a medical card and has printed your prescription in pink, you are going to just have to explain to Pharmacist that you are not on benefits"

Funnily enough, I went to pay, Receptionist kindly said to just give her €80, Dr. x happened to be in hall when I was handing over money and changed completely, patting dd on the head, telling me to ring if I had any concerns..

BTW, am not single, work full time, dh works full time, own our own house etc.. am very lucky.

What really, really annoyed me is my thoughts went to my friend whos partner had tragicly just died in an accident, Shes a great girl, has a beautiful little girl and is more than fully entitled to these benefits - just imagine if she was to be treated like a piece of shit for her circumstances. I know theres a few pulling the piss but it shouldnt tar everyone...

(sorry for bad typing - one hand - feeding baby)

Thediaryofanobody · 13/04/2010 23:47

Barbie thats awful,I hoped you changed DRs I'd resent paying for that sort of attitude.

Tryharder · 14/04/2010 00:20

When I had DS1 (I was 32), I went with him into a shop to buy (cow's) milk. Now, my DC are mixed race and possibly the lady behind the counter had been watching too many episodes of "Little Britain" because she asked very loudly where my milk tokens were.

Glitterknickaz · 14/04/2010 11:45

Now see... we're entitled to tokens (we're carers, all 3 DCs have SN) yet I don't claim them cos of the looks we get...

CheekyVimtoGal · 14/04/2010 12:06

I had a fantastic Health Visitor but she got a better role and is now part of Childrens Services for Health Visitors or something or other. Anyway i got a new one, she came out to see me once to introduce herself.

I suffered from bad PND for the last 2 years. She came to see me in Jue 09 and i had got a full time job and she just said 'oh right well i wont need to see you anymore then'

As if me getting a full time job would automatically make my PND go away. Now im out of work and am on benefits and i will be ringing the health visitor to come and do a 2 yr check and a 4 yr check as she hasnt been in touch to do one. Grrrr Even though she knew me and my husband were SWAPPING roles, he would be at home all day looking after the children.

nickschick · 14/04/2010 12:14

I think mumsnet is getting to be a very judgey place.

So what if the health visitor heaven forbid thought you were on benefits - those that are arent contagious you know .

If you make an effort to build up a good relationship with your health care professionals they will help you tenfold regardless of your income.

FGS get off your high horses and get mumsnet back to how it was.

PatsyStone · 14/04/2010 12:19

YANBU I had ds at few weeks short of my 19th birthday and it was just assumed that we were unable to support ourselves but we had a mortgage and an ok income that didn't qualify us for anything back then. Health Visitors should not just assume anything regarding people's income based on age, as others on here have pointed out it works the other way too.

I'm not sure why it is an issue, because people are on benefits for such a wide variety of reasons, and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

But when a large section of society assumes you must be poncing their taxes (this is NOT how I see it) just because you are a young parent, it is (rightly or wrongly) a source of personal pride that you are and your dp are managing to support yourselves financially, at least it was to me.

brightyoungthing · 14/04/2010 12:44

I had DD aged 22 and came up against a lot of stereo types. When I split up with DP aged 28 an elderly lady friend of a woman I nurse came up to me and said "is it right what (X) says, that you are on your own bringing up that child(points to DD) and have never married?" I replied yes to which she said "It's your life dear"! Damn right it's my life but if she would have asked I would have explained that DP had become very mentally ill and had been sectioned and when released we decided to go our own ways due to the strain put on all of us including DD. My old boss always used to say "to assume makes an ass of u and me" and how right she was !!

StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2010 12:54

BarbieLovesKen I am about to start a thread in chat for you!

StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2010 12:56

sorry for hijack - OP yanbu!
When i went to see MW for 1st pregnancy she asked if it was good or bad news before congratulating me
i thoughtatthe time it was good that she wasn't making any assumptions, when she could easily - I was mid 20s, working, wedding ring etc

EricNorthmansmistress · 14/04/2010 18:56

nickschick

nickschick · 14/04/2010 22:26

EricNorthmansmistress back at ya.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread