unreturned party invites...

[flowerlady2]

AIBU to be pi**ed off when mum's whose children I've invited to my child's bithday party don't include my child on their invites for their children's parties......oversight or intentional do we think?

some parents only invite a few children- I wouldn't be bothered to be honest- I'd only be a bit if my child was the only not invited

yabu - parents can't reciprocate all the time and it's something you have to just accept as part of parenthood/children's parties.
It might seem unfair but often people are governed by restrictions that party venues have for numbers or else maybe your child views the other child as more of a friend than the other child does....either way, welcome to the world of kids party etiquette

Sorry, but I think YABU. Otherwise everybody would have to invite everybody and it would get ridiculous. My DTs were at a party last weekend, but I have no intention of inviting that child to their birthday party in July. That party was a big affair in a church hall, and I'm fairly sure that the mother invited all the kids from nursery. We'll be having a small do in our back garden, with family and the girls' closest friends.

Well thank you ladies for your honesty and feedback, I was feeling a bit paranoid, but actually all 3 of your posts do give me further insight in to party ettiquette. I'm not in to big parties/inviting the whole class along thing either - I tend to restrict to a smaller number of friends - but up until your posts I always ensured that those children who had invited my daughter always got invited back to her parties - even if they were scrotbags! But if that isn't ettiquette, then I will happily stop recipricating all invites and just chill :-)

You don't invite children just because they invited you to theirs. Invite the children your child wants to invite. Obviously don't ever just miss one child out o a particular group, and play fair - but reciprocal invites are not necessary.

yabu . You have a party of the scale your child is comfortable with and that you cna afford , not to include anyone and everyone whose your dc has been to.

Now you don't have to reciprocate but I do try to.

I want DD and DS to have manners and do suggest that they add people to their list on the premise that they have been to their party and should therefore invite them back. This usually works but obviously if numbers are limited then it isn't always possible.

But it is the reason I have 10 children coming to my house this weekend for a cooking party

Friendships change throughout the year, and you can't possibly try to dictate your child's friendships - just because a child invited your child to a party in September doesn't mean they are still good friends by July.

Crikey, I feel I have picked up on all sorts of hints and tips here - honestlty talk about being slow on the uptake, I just always thought you reciprocated and that was that, my kids are aged 6 and 3 and I so wish I had known this was OK with my first child! I feel somewhat naive..

IMO the reciprocation is in bringing the birthday child a gift, not in inviting the child to a later party, IYSWIM.

It can sometimes be intentional and some pathetic people can use instances like this to score settle .

My DS is very good friends with a boy in his class and for the last 3 years we have always invited him to parties but have never even had the courtesy of a reply and DS has never been invited to his parties (very upsetting this year as the invites were handed out in front of DS to all of his group friends except DS). His friend apologised to DS for not inviting him . They are now in Yr3. This stemmed from an incident in reception yr when DS accidently landed on this boy (he was not hurt) when they were running about and the mother got cross about it. She shouted at DS to apologise and made him cry in front of everyone. When I intervened and told her it was obviously an accident and to apologise back to DS for shouting at him, she stormed off!! She never seems to have got over it . Some people ..........

Yes you are being unreasonable.

Did it occur to you that the birthday child may not like/get on with your child? The birthday child should choose the guest list. I've never done whole class parties, even in reception. I think people worry too much about offending people - v few people are offended if their children are not invited IME. Dd1 has invited certain friends and they haven't reciprocated - I don't mind at all nor does dd. She understands that some parties you get invited to and some you don't. That's life.

Yep, dancergirl that had occured to me and that is not the case in this instance and I know the mum pretty well too which is why I was just sounding people out about it on the AIBU board, and party etiquette...

If you are great friends with the mum and your children are the same gender and play together then it might seem a bit odd if your child wasn't invited but even then it comes down to numbers and who is the friend of choice for that week. IME friends of children that young seem to change on an almost daily basis and the best friend of yesterday is often ignored the next week and then best friends again the following week!
Don't set any store on the choices made - it doesn't reflect on your own friendships with the parents. It's part of the cut-throat world of parties and it's good for children to learn that they don't go to everything all the time (that's what I tell my kids anyway).