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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious with my next door neighbour

19 replies

pamplem0usse · 12/04/2010 18:27

Background: we have a shared boundary with our next door neighbour. There's a gate in it, but no legal right of way, because our neighbour's sister used to live here (over five years ago). My husband built a 2ft brick wall with a fencing panel on our side of the boundary to block it up.

Neighbour comes around and tells my husband very rudely that it looks 'awful' and that the fence is 'hers' and that it's not what she wanted and how dare we do it without consulting her (it's on our land apart from anything else). And that she wants x, y or z solutions.

Now maybe we should have asked her, but last time we had a conversation with her about a job that my husband offered to pay for on her porch (guttering, both porches needed doing to stop brick erosion), she said she'd get her husband to do it. Three months later nothing done.

I'm so angry because we've gone out of our way to be pleasant to her since moving in 4 months ago. We're subjected to loud music until gone midnight at least once a week, as well as during the day (and both my husband and I work at home). Her husband and teenage daughter row loudly c.1/week and swear using words that I don't think I've ever heard. And the first time I met her she came around at 10pm asking to borrow a corkscrew. I had bad morning sickness and so was in pyjamas and looked a mess, so explained I was pregnant, to which she asked 'was it planned'? I'd never met the woman before. We take parcels in for them and are generally nice and neighbourly. We've tidied up our front garden, there's contains wheelie bins. And a bath. And she has the cheek to tell my husband that this wall looks a mess. ARGH!!!

OP posts:
girlsyearapart · 12/04/2010 18:56

oh hi pample yanbu just nod and smile then ignore

My next door neighbour has blazing rows with her grown up son both effing and blinding -it's usually about once a week and they are otherwise nice though.

BuzzingNoise · 12/04/2010 19:12

YANBU. Avoid her.

QueenCoco · 12/04/2010 19:19

Next time you take a parcel in stamp on it.

MadamDeathstare · 12/04/2010 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cumbria81 · 12/04/2010 19:26

I think it was very rude of you not to speak to her about it first, tbh. It might be on your land but surely it's common courtesy? I can see why she is annoyed.

zazen · 12/04/2010 19:34

She sounds like she lives a chaotic life. Being irritated at you means she's not confronting those who are really the problem in her life, so she's venting on you, without risking anything herself.

I would say to her that your DH will get around to changing it when he has time, and ignore her after that.

Consult a solicitor about your boundary - it might come in handy...

pamplem0usse · 12/04/2010 19:56

cumbria very rude?? I don't tell her not to keep old baths and all manner of trash in her garden, so I don't expect her to have a shout about what I do in mine. TBH all we wanted to do was block off any line of sight from her garden. Our solicitors told us we're completely within our rights to do this and there's a sworn statement from the previous occupants that there's never been a legal right of way.....

OP posts:
outnumbered2to1 · 12/04/2010 23:23

pamplemousse - tell her to eff- off. Its on your side of the boundary NOT hers. just because her sister was the previous occupant of the house 5 years ago doesn't give her the right to say what goes on in YOUR garden.

as long as you talked to your solicitor and got the legal ok i wouldn't worry about her. Smile and nod and STOP taking in parcels for her

Redbindipperss · 12/04/2010 23:28

Agree with outnumbered, tell her to fuck off, and refuse to accept her parcels.

BitOfFun · 12/04/2010 23:33

Or keep taking her parcels in?

Joolyjoolyjoo · 12/04/2010 23:33

If it's in your land, she can object as much as she wants, but really it's none of her business, as long as it isn't over 6ft tall. In our old house, our neighbour cut down the big fir trees that served as a lovely natural barrier between our gardens (sob). We were horrified but the trees were on their property so we realised there was nothing we could say- tis life.

ChickensHaveSinisterMotives · 12/04/2010 23:37

Add gnomes to the top of your new partition, facing her way.

outnumbered2to1 · 12/04/2010 23:42

can you paint the wooden portion of the fence some outrageous colours just to really annoy her?

oh and make sure the garden gnomes are the rude ones!!!!

MrsDinky · 12/04/2010 23:46

BOF I was just thinking of your thread....

MinkyBorage · 12/04/2010 23:50

I have no idea whether or not yabu because these sorts of things are akways complicated and there are always two points of view, but friom what I understand of your post, it sounds like you moved inh to your place 4 months ago and have built a wall which does actually impact on her (regardless of ownership) without asking her. If I have understood you correctly, then yabu.

She does sound liek a pita though, but you're best off staying on the right side of her imo

Jacksmama · 12/04/2010 23:55

Oh f*ck BoF, PMSL - that's hilarious!!

(Sorry but I laughed until I cried on your thread)

outnumbered2to1 · 13/04/2010 00:06

hey BoF..... that thread should come with "you will pee your pants laughing" warning.....

MadamDeathstare · 13/04/2010 00:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustAnotherManicMummy · 13/04/2010 01:10

I was just thinking of BOF's thread re the parcels

If I'm right in thinking it's a new fence up against an old one them YANBU. The woman's loopy.

I often go with the "I'll talk about it to DH" if it's something I don't want to do or want to put off indefinitely... although twice I have genuinely wanted to talk something through with DH. So isn't really fibbing and might work here

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