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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect GP's to abide these rules when hols.with family?

33 replies

fallon8 · 11/04/2010 20:49

In today's Sunday Times, holiday bit, its suggested, GP's are invited on holiday. The rules are laid down before hand.. They take the kids for a third, parents, for a third, the other third they all do something together. This is to dispel any difficulties later on. Am I alone in saying shove it? We'll holiday alone, thanks.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 11/04/2010 20:51

Speaking as a grandparent, I absolutely agree.

RunawayWife · 11/04/2010 20:53

Read this as GPs = Drs doh!!

Just went on holiday with my mum, my children loved it.

Is good for everyone

JaynieB · 11/04/2010 20:54

I had (totally unrealistic) ideas about this kind of division - doesn't take into account that as well as being 'grandparents' they are also 'parents' and like to spend time (and vice versa) with their grown up kids as well. We've had a few hols with both my Mum and DP's parents with varying success - we find it works best if we're not all in the same house as it gives us all a bit of space. Nice when it works though.

Nemain · 11/04/2010 20:56

I also read GPs as General Practitioners!

DS and I often go away with my mum. We love it.

However, she does not look after him. That is definitely my job.

(Apart from the very rare once or twice I have a hangover and she does him brekky and watches him until I get up about 3hrs later )

I think a lot will depend on your relationship with your parents/parents in law though.

DebiNewberry · 11/04/2010 21:01

I found it exhausting tbh. All that being extra good, not worth it for one evening out without dc. Plus my dh... he not likey so much.

I'm sure it could work, but you are likely to know whether it will or not, without agreeing to rules in advance...

ElleBing · 11/04/2010 21:03

LOL I was reading this with horror, imagining my doctor sitting with my DS under force, on a beach, having a really shit time.

Hulababy · 11/04/2010 21:08

I have done holidays with my parents and with PILs. Infact going to the Las vegas with parents in May, plus other family members. Then in the summer we are going to the US with PILs for a holiday. Have never had any rules in place, never expected them to have DD for us (why would we - we goon a family holiday to spend time with DD after all!) and just have a nice, relaxed, happy holiday. They do offer to look after DD, and we have had the odd night out on our own, and they obviously play with DD and entertain her when away - but when we holiday with people we tend to be holidaying together rather than in same house but holidaying apart if that makes sense.

Have also holidayed plenty with friends, again with no rules - and again, always had a good time.

Nemain · 11/04/2010 21:09

Debi - you don't have the right relationship! (jk)

I behave better when I am alone with DS as I know I am his sole carer. I am worse with my mum and do what I want (to a degree) as I know that she is there should I need her to be - hence the getting DS breakfast if I feel a bit unwell

edam · 11/04/2010 21:11

Excellent, I'm going on holiday with almost my entire extended family this summer, can't wait to see my Dad's face when I tell him he's officially required to have ds a third of the time.

(Actually scratch that, my Dad is NOT the most responsible person, has never had those parental antennae that warn of possible danger - my mother and stepmother can each roll off a long list of accidents narrowly averted when Dad was in charge.)

OrmRenewed · 11/04/2010 21:14

We've done it and it works fine. As long as certain rules prevail. We may spend some part of the day together every day but rarely an entire day unless for a specific day out. GPs get tired and worn out with the DC - we get fed up with GPs wanting to be off and out at 9am So we end up getting together for the evenings.

agedknees · 11/04/2010 21:17

Runaway - I had exactly the same thought.

My dd gp's where elderly when we had her. No way would they have been able to cope with a toddler.

bluejeans · 11/04/2010 21:28

Been away with my parents a few times and going this summer. My parents want to do their own thing and meet up for meals in the evening. I'd love it if they offered to take DD so I could chill for a day! (DH doesn't come)They are Sunday Times readers

bibbitybobbityhat · 11/04/2010 21:29

Yanbu!

Original poster
fallon8 · 11/04/2010 22:04

I forgot to say, Im grandparent..Its the "laying down of rules" that gets me. Sounds more like a boot camp rather than a holiday.

OP posts:
Original poster
fallon8 · 11/04/2010 22:06

out of interest, do you and your husband get away at all, or is he just not a holiday person? Bluejeans.

OP posts:
Ellokitty · 11/04/2010 22:15

We go on holiday with my parents every year, and it is fab. Although not a rule, we also follow the notion of my parents look after the children for a bit of the time, we look after them for a bit, and then we all do it together.

Luckily for us, my folks are quite early risers, so they usually do the morning slots, so we can have a lie in . My folks will also have some time apart (although they have their own separate holiday, so are happy spending most of the time with the children - that's why they go!!), and the evenings, we spend together with my folks.

I'm lucky though that I am very close to my parents, and my DH gets on with them extremely well too. So it works.

However, we do also have at least one holiday alone, each year, as do my parents. My parents also take my children away for one holiday 'alone' with the children each year too.

I think it is sensible advice, although does not need to be worded as a rule.

lucky1979 · 11/04/2010 22:22

We're going on holiday with my mum and she would be gutted if I said that she took DD for a 1/3 and we took her for a 1/3 and we were only allowed to spend 1/3 of the time together! She's not the hired help, she'd be coming on holiday to spend time with all of us, and I want to spend time with her as well, not view her as a free nanny.

How do you broach the subject anyway, do you get out a weekly schedule, calculator and a highlighter and assign times based on three hour blocks or what?

elvislives · 11/04/2010 22:24

We have taken my mum away with us many times. In the early days it used to work really well because DH doesn't like to go out in the evening (talking caravan park type hols) and one or other of the DCs would want to go to bed, so he would babysit them and watch TV in the caravan and me and mum would take the others to the clubhouse. Everybody happy. During the day we'd all go out together.

Doesn't work out these days because the children are much older and mum just wants everybody to do what she wants all the time. As that involves sitting by a pool- which we find tedious- we tend not to take her any more

Ellokitty · 11/04/2010 22:33

I also find it needs to be flexible as Elvis says. Sometimes, my Dad and hubby will have the children - so me and my mum can have some free time, and at other times, its the boys that have the free time. We also tend to do Centre Parcs with them, so it is easy for them to book themselves onto something (even if just the spa) to get some free time.

bluejeans · 11/04/2010 22:45

Fallon8 yes we do - just not with my parents he'd rather poke his eyes out, also he hates the sun so we have done a few foreign beach type holidays with my parents as I wouldn't really want to do that on my own but equally don't want to miss out! DH gets peace and quiet at home when we're away...

Forgot to say in my previous post - I can't really imagine laying down 'rules' for a holiday with the grandparents - we just have a few unwritten ones, like taking turns to pay for things, clear up etc which seem to work for us

2rebecca · 11/04/2010 23:17

I thought the GPs referred to were doctors too, and wondered why they needed special rules. There are enough threads on GPs in AIBU to say grandparents.

Northernlurker · 11/04/2010 23:32

we're going with my lovely inlaws and bil and sil and their new baby this year. There are a few trips we'll do en masse but mostly I expect mil and fil to do their own thing or spend time supporting bil and sil. I hope dh and I will get at least one night out but I certainly won't be expecting the inlaws to take sole charge of our three dcs for extended periods. I know they will want to do things with them a bit though. We live 5 hours away so they don't get all that much time with them.

OrmRenewed · 12/04/2010 08:21

fallon - the 'rules' in our case at least are unspoken and for the benefit of both parties. My parents think that 8am is a lie in. They like to be off and away in the morning by 9am at the latest and they like strict mealtimes. We are a bit more relaxed

mad4mainecoons · 12/04/2010 10:28

ooh i must be the lucky one, my parents take DS on holiday without us!!

we just dont do holidays - we live in cornwall so why would we and my parents feel we are depriving DS in some way, so they take him.

they love it, he loves it and we get 5 days break! happy faces all round

Original poster
fallon8 · 12/04/2010 10:37

I have to admit,I would not liked have holidays with my parents,who dont like children any, especially boys, I have two and i think boys are fab,or my superb MIL.. it just wouldnt work. We always liked to spend time as a family as my husband didnt get a chance to see the children or was tired at the w/e. I think its also an age thing.
No, I dotn know how you "lay down the rules" either, there has to be someone who doesnt agree, surely.

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