to want to let my 5 year old use a mirror whilst brushing his teeth?

[Onestonetogo]

My (ex) DH claims our DS shouldn't use a mirror while brushing his teeth. I say the oposite, as a 5 year old is not aware of his body (incl the inside of his mouth) like adults are. He needs to see what he's doing with his brush, in order to learn to reach all of the teeth.
Had a big row over this with ex DH, as he says once he's told our DS he's not allowed to use the mirror, I should've gone along with it and not interfered. BUT I strongly object to DS not being allowed to use a mirror.

So, AIBU?

Is he on medication that he has stopped taking? it just rings a faint bell as like some of the insane unusual things that dh did and said when he came off his meds three years ago.

Does he dislike cleaning mirrors, possibly? [trying to be charitable].

As if life weren't tricky enough without imposing nonsensical rules here there and everywhere.

How would he like it if you told ex dh to live by his own rules and not use the mirror himself to brush his teeth?

and definitely ask the dentist for their opinion.

Has he got any 'good'illogical controlling male reason for not wanting your son to use the mirror, like falling off the stool or breaking the portable mirror, which you can find a solution to and get rid of the reason?

Are there any other things that he insists on that you don't agree with? HOw would a 'with daddy you do it this way, with mummy you do it that way' approach and tell your ex to grow up, put his son first and say that you will have to agree to disagree on this; that ds is old enough to do different things with different parents.

Finally - have you pointed out that he is being unreasonable for telling DS he can't use the mirror when you have previously actively encouraged it for effective toothbrushing. He should have gone along with you and not interfered if you had already sorted it out with ds to use the mirror! Thus by his own reasoning, he is in the wrong because he should not have interfered because a system was already in place.

Or is he just doing this to be petty, mean, vindictive and controlling and to ensure that his son can't brush his teeth properly and have tooth problems in later life?

All i can say is thank god he's your ex - he is an absolute nutter.
Problem is - he is your ex and so he doesn't affect you anymore, but he is obviously trying to make sure that he will affect your DC's.
He needs to get his head out of his arse and think about how damm confusing and upsetting it is for a little boy to be trying to learn a new skill in life and to be told a different and (by the sounds for your son) more difficult way of doing it.
ridiculous what a selfish man.

Completely insane. He is an idiot.

YANBU...why on earth would it be wrong? How strange. I hold up a mirror for my son, he is only 2.7 so he can't see himself in any of the bathroom mirrors because they are too high up. I don't always do it, but sometimes it incourages him to brush, or if I want to get to the back of his teeth then I ask him to hold the mirror so he can see how I am brushing. Tell your ex to get a grip and worry about somthing important!

I use a mirror to show DS where there are particular areas he needs to clean, especially if he's had raisins or whatever that really cling to teeth.

He hates teeth brushing but if I show him (Oh look, there's a bit of raisin we need to clean off your teeth), no bother.

Such a stupidly random thing to ban. If DS requested to wear a tutu and a top hat while he brushed his teeth I'd do it if it meant he'd clean them properly.

Invent some arbitrary rules of your own-

Take off the toilet seat
Swap hand towels for shoes
Remove the cooking oil, replace with washing-up liquid.
Take the drawer out of the washing machine.
Buy a remote control for a different TV. Replace.
Remove bathroom lightbulb.

Be inventive.

Make them totally random.

Do not allow the third button down on any shirt or coat your DS has to be done up.

Just...because

My DGD have always stood up in the bath (I know, It's dangerous but they are very carefully monitored.

The reason for this is so they can look at themselves in the miror. They put foam allover their face and hair and body and pretend to look like monsters, clowns etc.

They also look in the mirror whilst they are brushing their teeth. Having competions and snapping their teeth at each other.

Your ex sounds very weird.

( probably do to after the above ).

I did read a short while ago, that this is a very good way for children to establish high self esteem and self worth.

They don't become self conscious of their bodies and don't become upset if someone points out something different about them. (e.g. redhair, freckles, the usual things that make a child slightly different.

I used to do the same thing with my DC. Always had lots of bath toys and played games at bathrime. (Yes the floor did get incredibly wet).

When my DS was about 13, he even had enough confidence and self esteem to ride his sister's pink bike to an all boys school while his was being repaired.

Valpollicella, you're good.

I'm not good, just have an inate ability for tit for tat Especially for something like this!

YANBU. The dental hygienist told dd to make sure she uses a mirror every single time she brushes.

Did I once share a flat with you?

Never flatshered Tethers, so whoever your evil tit for tat flatmate was, it weren't me

I only use it in extreme circumstances, such as the OP's

Well, I recognise talent when I see it.

It's the kind of creativity usually fostered by sharing a flat though... The fact that you haven't just makes me more in awe of your ability.

Children also need to floss and a mirror is very hand for this

Maybe I just have an evil streak that with careful cultivation could prove useful to a whole bunch of Mners.

OP, I have a long commute tomorrow am. I shall spend it wisely...

handy for this

Children also need to floss and a mirror is very hand for this

There is nothing wrong with using a mirror at this age or at any age to brush your teeth (and I say this as a dental professional)

Although at 5, you really should still be brushing his teeth. He won't have the dexterity (mirror or not) to clean the sufficiently.

Of course YANBU, but that is not the point really. Sounds like your exH is an unreasonable a*se so even if you win the battle on logic he is unlikely to change his views. I read somewhere that kids can accept two opposing sets of rules as long as the parents agree.
So, when you put him to bed it's your rules (mirror) and when ex puts DS to bed it's his rules (no mirror). At 5 years old, a child should be able to understand the idea of different rules for different parents (they follow rules at school which may be different to home, eg) but it might be worth a try and it might stop the arguments.

Thank you all! Thanks for the creative suggestions

I a happy to say that last night I managed to make XH read this thread, and he now agrees that DS will use a mirror ("although it's not really necessary", he just won't admit he was wrong!)

Thanks ladies xxx

Glad MN has helped clear that one up. Well done to your ex for listening, eventually.

i use a mirror when cleaning my teeth.

surely its great that a five year old is cleanbing his teeth- is it really something to cause a problem? why does it upset your exh so much if your ds uses a mirror, can't he learn to accept that rather than imposing such an irrational stubborness about something so trivial?

i feel sorry for your ds - can't you kick your exh out - he souns like a drag

tell him to grow some testicles.