to wish my mother would think before she speaks

[outnumbered2to1]

i caught my DS1 packing a bag with his favourite toys and some clean pants and a toothbrush a few days ago. When i asked him what was going on he simply replied that him and his grandma where moving to a nice wee flat together away from everyone else and it would just be him and grandma and no one else not even grandpa or his wee brother.

now i then had to spend twenty minutes explaining to my DS1 that grandma was only joking and how sad i would be if he went anywhere. Thats when he told me grandma said you spend all your time with DS2 and wouldn't miss him.

I haven't spoken to my mother yet as i've been waiting till i am calm enough... any advice people or should i just smack the stupid old woman in the kisser and be done with it (i am joking of course )

How old is he?

when my DS was 4.5 he assured me he'd had lovely day at school as the circus had visited and btw he had also killed jake as nobody liked him anyway!

he will 6 on monday and has a really close relationship with my mother (unlike me). After reading what i've posted i'm kinda prepared to the see the funny side but my DS1 is a wee sensitive soul and was a bit upset at the idea of disappointing his grandma.

If she said that - YANBU to be very annoyed - its a horrible thing to say. But - I'd ask for her version of the conversation before you go in all guns blazing.

he will be 6 on monday and has a really close relationship with my mother (unlike me). After reading what i've posted i'm kinda prepared to the see the funny side but my DS1 is a wee sensitive soul and was a bit upset at the idea of disappointing his grandma.

sorry my laptop froze then re sent the post above.

unfortunately my mother thinks i am useless as a mother so i can well believe she said it.
I think i am going to go down the road of ignoring it and hoping she goes away!!

best to ignore at the moment.

maybe when he's 16 the offer may still be open

oh no at 16 he is off to uni!!! wether he wants to go or not he is bloody going!!! lol

I wouldn't ignore it, jusr ask her to clarify what she said and if it pretty much tallies with your son's version say something along the lines of "I'd rather you didn't say things like that, he's only little and still takes everything literally." Then glare at her really hard so she knows you're not messing

But really, if she did say that, she's giving him the impression you don't care about him as much as your other child, and that's not fair to you or him.

oh dear, my little pointy things didn't work......

pollyblue - thanks but talking to my mother about childcare is like banging my head off a brick wall. She is right no matter what even when you know she is wrong. For example when i was breastfeeding DS2 she told me if he fed formore than ten minutes "all he was getting was air" WTF!!!!

I'd be livid, she basically told your ds that you loved his brother more. that is not what a loving grandmother does. I would put her straight and stand up to her now, even to the point of saying you will limit and supervise her visits

I would say something-it was such an insensitive thing to say.The point is that he believed her and she needs to tell him it was only a 'pretend'.

Poor little boy. I would definitely tell her what happened and let her know that you can no longer trust her to be around your son unsupervised. She clearly doesn't put his best interests first if she can say something so upsetting. It sounds like she's trying to score points off you.

I would ask her to apologise to your DS herself and to explain she was being silly. Tell her how upset he was, and present it as what she has to do to put it right - no negotiating / arguing!

Thanks everyone. the relationship i have with my mum is strained at the best of the times but this really did annoy me so i took adeep breath and tackled her about it. Explained how i caught DS1 packing and how upset i was that she would tell him something like that.

At first she denied it straight out and then unloaded a whole load of bullshit about how i spend all my time with DS2. but since DS1 has just started school and is at school from 9am -3pm and DS2 has just started nursery and is in from 9am -11:30am its logical that most of my time during the day will be spent with DS2.

(Can i just point out that i volunteer 3 mornings a week in DS1's school as the librarian and he sees me then too!!) I asked her to please stop saying things without thinking in front of DS1 who absolutely worships my mother and takes everything she says to heart.

Apparently i am over reacting to a harmless comment and i need to "grow up and get over myself cos its not all about you" I did agree with her that its not about me - It's about my 6 year old son who thinks i won't notice if he leaves to go and live with his grandmother and could she please stop pushing her skewed view of our life onto my DS1.

Felt quite proud of myself for actually standing up to her (sort of) but wanted to say thanks for all the supportive comments from MN...