To not want DB and girlfriend rolling up less than a week after DC2 is born?

[gaelicsheep]

They wouldn't be staying with us, but even so. I remember how hard things were after having DS. I don't want to deal with whole family here that soon. Is that really mean? How long would you want to leave it before you see people for more than a quick visit?

If it is a quick visit and they are not staying I don't see the problem.

Oh gs, how difficult,he does sound very sensitive. The first thing I would do is to speak to him face to face if possible. Is there any way you can meet up before June?

I think its worth investing a bit of time now so that you can strike it off your list of things to worry about in June, IYSWIM.

If you can meet face to face, it might be helpful to spell out in a gentle way, what you need to to each day at the moment with DS, and how this will change and what additional tasks you will have and how long they take when DC2 arrives. IME, lots of people without DC who have little contact with small children have zero idea about how all consuming it is. If you explain this very literally to him against a background of wanting to build your relationship with him when you are in a position to be able to, he may understand a little better.

FWIW, I found DC2 so much easier to deal with than DC1, and wished I had had a bit more company that first week she was here, which is very different to how I felt for about the first 4 months with DC1. But then it was a much easier birth, I knew what I was doing with bf, etc etc, and of course I know that its impossible to know this until the event.

Just quickly seeing him would be far less stressful than all the worry and discussion!

Piscesmoon - they will be travelling 500 miles and I don't think it will be one quick visit. In fact I know it won't. And I'm afraid it's become a point of principle now - he needs to realise that he is not the centre of the universe. Perhaps I'm just being pig headed.

The thing is I am terrified about having this baby. My last labour was hell on earth - I still have flashbacks even now. Breastfeeding was also hellish and, if it's possible, even more painful than labour. I desperately want it to work this time, but I am expecting it to be very very hard. Plus I have DS to worry about. All I'm asking is to be left in peace with DH and DS for a week or two before I have to deal with my brother as well.

GS - sorry didn't know your back story, sorry to hear you've had such a rough time.

I'd tell them all to keep away until you let them know otherwise. If they want to see you, they have plenty of time before DC2 is born. It sounds like you wouldn't get much help from any of them, only stress, so best they come when you are sorted.

My family are mostly chocolate teapots.

Oh God, it ain't getting any better. I ended up speaking to my mum this evening (don't ask why - big mistake) and I could tell from her tone of voice that she's still upset with me. Asked to speak to my dad to then be told I'd made her cry - again. They are both so so upset about what I said about my brother and there seems to be absolutely no concern at all for my feelings. I feel completely justified in being upset that they immediately jumped to judge me and refuse (still) to acknowledge that I had any right at all to be annoyed at DB.

So it just gets worse and worse. I refuse to apologise to my mother for speaking the truth as I see it. I have stated that I will not be apologising but that I do expect an apology from her.

God it's so pathetic. I do not need this right now. I think a lot of unspoken issues are rising to the surface here and it is not pretty.

Since they all get so dramatic over nothing, you might as well go for it yourself. Lose it, big time, on the phone. Shout, screech, cry and make a general hullaballoo. Then tell them to fuck off and sort their heads out before bothering you with this sort of selfish nonsense again.

DH and I have had a long talk this evening, and I now know that there are many many more issues at play than this pretty trivial one. So much so that I have actually posted on the Stately Homes thread after seeing and wondering about it for several months.

Things have to change. I cannot roll over again - I have spent my life being the one who backs down and apologises. My parents will never ever admit fault and I've been giving in to them. It has to stop now.

Thanks for listening folks.

Incidentally, having made this realisation about my parents I have now sent my brother a very long email to attempt to make peace. My parents have been instrumental in all these communication problems, which I think is part of their controlling nature. They have relayed everything that was said in the heat of the moment last night, making things even worse, and I do wonder what their motives are. I hope DB and I, at least, can manage not to fall out permanently over this.

Fingers crossed.

Sorry-I didn't realise they were travelling 500 miles for the 'dropping in'!