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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

found it hard not to cry!

26 replies

MathsMadMummy · 09/04/2010 17:40

Oh I don't know. The playground in the town centre brings out my "oh what a terrible world this is" side. AIBU is probably the wrong board, maybe a "am I being naive" would be better.

was observing other kids playing a bit more than I normally would (having been thinking of that thread about unfit kids) and was utterly horrified at the behaviour of a group of (mostly) girls, aged 8 at the most. they'd met another slightly younger girl and were bullying her it was like something out of a movie, they were acting so grown up. they were talking about all the ways they could injure her and then went and crowded round her etc. it was horrible.

I'm not totally naive. I know that bullying happens, kids take a random dislike of other kids etc. I think what got to me is the grown up nature of the way they were talking and acting. I couldn't help feeling it was TV's influence, but I'm not sure why? I felt quite sick TBH.

OP posts:
foureleven · 09/04/2010 17:43

Oh god that made me feel sick. I dont really know what to say.

What did you do madmaths? How sad that there is so much nastiness in people

deaddei · 09/04/2010 17:45

Did you do something about it?
Go over and say something?

claw3 · 09/04/2010 17:46

Where were their parents?

mrsruffallo · 09/04/2010 17:47

I find it wierd that they can be so nasty at such a young age.
There are children whose first impression on meeting someone new is to be mean they can be to them. I find that depressing.

mrsruffallo · 09/04/2010 17:47

MMM- Did they stop once you approached them?

elmofan · 09/04/2010 17:49

YANBU - this would have upset me too
MMM did you tell them to stop ? i could not have sat there without saying something , i hate to see this type of thing & from 8yr olds

PfftTheMagicDragon · 09/04/2010 17:50

I hope you did something about it

TheCrackFox · 09/04/2010 17:52

Did you actually do anything about it?

I would have given them a ticking off.

Marne · 09/04/2010 17:54

I would have said something to them TBH. I hate to see kids acting like this, a few years ago i would not have said anything but now dd1 has been bullied (which upset me so much) i don't think i could sit and watch.

Original poster
MathsMadMummy · 09/04/2010 17:54

parents were sitting around on the benches, not taking any notice. that's the usual standard in this park (town centre)

I didn't do anything. unless you count giving them evil looks. maybe I should have. I would have if they'd actually acted on all the violent talk, definitely. I don't think they did anything physical, but obviously as my own DD is only 2.9 I had to keep a close eye on her (as the park was so crowded) so didn't see everything

it was so vindictive though, I saw them later on following her round, the poor girl just wanted to play on her own and they were saying "come on, come with us, we won't slap you" WTF?

where does this behaviour come from? somebody please tell me it's the exception and not the norm, all I wanted to do was wrap DD in cotton wool and never let her out again in case she meets girls like them

OP posts:
SofaQueen · 09/04/2010 17:54

How chilling. It sounds like these girls were well schooled in bullying - at the age of 8. What could they have been watching on TV which would lead them to behave this way (but I am naive and don't watch much tele)? I think more likely older siblings, people in the neighborhood, etc.

Marne · 09/04/2010 17:58

I think it happens a lot MathsMad, which really scares me, dd1 has been at school for 1.5 years and has been bullied 2 or 3 times already, in reception she was locked in the cloakroom by another girl. I have seen it happen a few times when i have taken the dd's to parks. I think some of it comes from the TV.

foureleven · 09/04/2010 18:01

Its most likely one of the girls has a really hard life (no excuse though!) and see's or experiences this kind of thing at home. It only takes one like this to poison a whole group as lots of girls follow a leader at that age.

It used to be so much older than 8 but I guess thats a sign of the times.

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 09/04/2010 18:04

MMM, your DD'll be alright - one of the many reasons I count my blessings we're home educating! Of course, home educated children aren't immune to bullying, but at least they are far more likely to be in a position where they know they can escape if necessary, and they don't have to keep going into school, for example, knowing it's going to continue.

elmofan · 09/04/2010 18:05

MMM - from my experience with my ds (11yrs) its the norm we are having a terrible time with ds being bullied at school , ds is now suffering with migraine headaches & has just last week broke out in eczema which my GP is putting down to the stress of the bullying .

Original poster
MathsMadMummy · 09/04/2010 18:06

Yes, I don't know why I thought of TV, it's maybe the way they were standing and their mannerisms. and they looked so grown up, their hair, clothes etc.

It also made me think of that recent case reported, about the girl who was abused by her entire class. nothing in that league was happening here, but it made me think if this kind of nastiness can happen in a heartbeat, anything's possible. it seemed like a mob mentality thing, there was definitely a 'ring leader' type girl in the gang.

if their parents hadn't looked a bit scary (bear in mind I am a total wimp, no confidence anyway) I would've loved to have asked them if they knew their daughters were such little bitches

OP posts:
LeQueen · 09/04/2010 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 09/04/2010 18:15

You're right, LeQueen. If your parents stamp out any little experiments with unkindness the second they happen, then the children have no chance to turn into bullies. But if your parents are bullies themselves, then you're doomed!

claw3 · 09/04/2010 18:15

Unfortunately it does appear to be the norm. Ds only has a few kids in his class, that would never dream of being spiteful or nasty on purpose.

From what i can make of it, some of the kids in ds's class are spoilt rotten and can do no wrong in their parents eyes or by the way some of the parents speak to their kids, it doesnt surprise me that their kids are spiteful.

VeronicaMars · 09/04/2010 18:26

I hate to hear of this sort of thing, 8yo's should be running around playing not plotting and bullying.

Dd is so quiet and I am dreading her starting school this year. We've already been in a few situations where I know she's been spoken to in that nasty type of way by another girl and it breaks my heart to see her little face drop. The girl did it just as dd spoke up in dance class to play a certain part in a game and she never does this, I was delighted. But then some little cow whipped around and said something to her (dd wouldn't say what she said) anyway she decided after that she didn't want to go back to that class.

I have to say that dd only has a hand full of friends from preshcool etc that I actually like because the rest are are little bullies who play with her when it suits and are nasty to her the next day.

These are 4yo's and yes it's mostly all innocent but sometimes I'm shocked by how how bitchy they can be.

Original poster
MathsMadMummy · 09/04/2010 18:28

"It's down to shite, uesless parents."

Thanks LeQueen, you had the guts to say what the rest of us are thinking (I am anyway!)

I would be mortified if I found DD bullying somebody. I know she's only little but it makes me so proud the way she plays with other children (she's the one in every group who everyone praises for being so nice) - long may that continue.

OP posts:
junglist1 · 09/04/2010 18:29

This is what happens when parents turn a blind eye and believe their own child regardless. I hate bullying, at the end of the day children have ended their lives over it. I'd be horrified if my boys did it.

Original poster
MathsMadMummy · 09/04/2010 18:32

actually DD was making friends with a little boy, and an older boy laughed at him when he fell over, poor kid the little boy stood up and was ok, but the older one instantly burst into tears and cried for his mum, saying he'd been hurt?! thankfully the mum saw right through it.

oh and my DD kept telling them off for being nasty to each other. bless.

OP posts:
VeronicaMars · 09/04/2010 18:38

Yes it is shite parenting and surely a child who is nasty in school etc carries on a certain way at home.
MMM I love the way you put it about being so proud of your lo for the way she plays with other children
Dd has no brothers and sisters to share anything with at home but has no problems sharing when other children are around. She is delighted when a friend comes to play and even gives up her favourite dress up outfit if the other child wants it! This is a very big deal!!
I have stopped asking some of her friends over because I don't want to put her in certain situations. She gets such a confused look on her face when another child is mean to her. I hate it.
I can still remember 'nasty' one in my class, she picked on me for years.

AliGrylls · 09/04/2010 18:40

It may be the parents but how do you bring your child up to not be vulnerable to bullying?

With DS I will probably tell him that if someone hits you as part of a bullying vendetta then you are within your rights to hit them back - it will at least make the bully think twice about doing it again.