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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off because of apparant greed?

34 replies

TooMuchChoccie · 09/04/2010 10:58

I've been seeing a man for the past couple of months and we decided to introduce the kids during the easter hols. So, to make use of neutral ground, we met at Pizza Hut (him and his dd and me and my dd) and ordered the all you can eat buffet.

So, it started off well, the girls chatting to one another etc and then the buffet opened -

Well this man almost shouted "ITS OPEN!" jumped out of his seat and practically RAN to the buffet. Me and DD just looked at each other, I think we were wondering if he was having a laugh, messing around etc but his DD did the same thing, almost ran there pushing through people etc.

Me and DD got up and went for our food.

DD got a bit of salad, a few nachos, some cheese sauce and some coleslaw as a started and I got pretty similar. So we went back to the table with our plates. But the man and his DD came back a few minutes later with MOUNTAINS of food on their plates. I mean, they were piled up with pizza, pasta, nachos, salad, breadsticks - Just far too much. I was really embarrassed. When he saw our plates he looked shocked and said "is that all you're having??" and I replied "no, but we tend to eat a small plate first and go back up for pizza afterwards - and then more if we're still hungry as I don't like waste ...

He looked a bit embarrassed but still shoveled in all the food, as did his DD.

So when me and DD had finished our salad, we went back up and got 2 slices of pizza each, some more coleslaw and a spoonfull of pasta - and I thought that was excessive! Man thought I must be on some kind of diet.

Anyway, he and the DD ended up going back up quite a few times, each time returning with huge mountains of food, some of which was just getting wasted (for instance the girl took one bite out of a pizza before chucking it on the "waste" pile and going back up for more.

At one point, man rushed to the toilet and the girl put her head in her hands and said "oh god, I hope he's not going to be sick" I said "why, is he feeling ill?" so she said "no, it's just that sometimes he makes himself sick after he's full to make more space for more food"

He later denied this but where on earth would she get THAT from otherwise??

DD later confessed to me that she had felt really embarrassed throughout the whole thing and although she liked man and his DD, she asked if next time we go out for a meal, could it just be us two as normal.

Not a great introduction.

AIBU to be put off by this? How do you and your family do "all you can eats"?

(I am a namechanger as I'd prefer not to be recognised. if you do recognise me, please don't out me!)

OP posts:
SloanyPony · 09/04/2010 11:01

Um.

SloanyPony · 09/04/2010 11:01

Hmmm...

SloanyPony · 09/04/2010 11:02

Have you shagged him yet?

NomDePlume · 09/04/2010 11:02

YANBU to be put off. Sounds vile.

gingernutlover · 09/04/2010 11:03

Yes this would put me off a man

although I have to say that you thinking 2 slices of pizza, a bit of coleslaw and a spoon of pasta is "excessive" made me laugh out loud, so maybe you have a different view of how much is too much?

The suggestion of him being sick to make room for more is awful, do you think there is anyway he has said this to his dd as a joke and he was really just popping to the loo?

LaurieFairyCake · 09/04/2010 11:03

Just no, he is not for you.

You're normal, he's a loon.

Original poster
TooMuchChoccie · 09/04/2010 11:03

No sloany!

He seems alright in all other ways though

OP posts:
upahill · 09/04/2010 11:06

This chap wouldn't do for me I'm afraid.
I would have called time on the relationship once I'd settled the bill.

LoveBeingAMummy · 09/04/2010 11:08

I have seen people like this in there before with mountains of food. Infact dsisinlaw has been known to eat the topping and leave the base. Personally i'd rather have a small plate and go back up, saves it getting cold

And yes it would put me off, would thye have pushed you or your dd out of the way if you had got there first?

SloanyPony · 09/04/2010 11:31

I hate displays of tight-wadness. So whether its driven by greed to eat a lot, or just "get your money's worth" I hate it. Eating loads to save money later, that kind of thing. That would put me off a man. Or anyone for that matter. My husband had a slight habit of going into shops and exclaiming "HOW MUCH?!?" which I nipped in the bud...

cocolepew · 09/04/2010 11:35

The bit about making himself sick worries me the most, that's not normal.

MrsVidic · 09/04/2010 11:41

is he very thin? very fat? could he have an eating disorder?
I would worry about the influence he is having on his ow child as well as the future influence on your own
I you like him- address the behaviour- you have nothing to loose

Uriel · 09/04/2010 11:46

Is there any chance that he's used to acting a bit childish as it's just him and his dd iyswim?

My kids would eat you under the table - and they're slim (but tall). Are you particularly petite?

lolapoppins · 09/04/2010 11:53

Well, I don't get to go out to eat fun stuff like pizza hut very often so when I do I go for it.

I wouldn't push people out the way to get to a buffet (!) but I do eat LOADS although I prefer to go up a few times rather than pile it high on one plate.

Your entire meal would be my starter

muggglewump · 09/04/2010 11:58

No way, that is gross, I'd have left if I'd seen it.

I hate food weirdnesses and I say that having a fussy bf who annoys me with it, but at least when we went to an all you can eat chinese he ate normally, going up three times for a reasonable amount of food for each course.

I probably would eat more than usual at a buffet, eyes bigger than my stomach and all that but not ridiculous amounts more, and I'd take a bit at a time, perhaps going back for favourites.

MintHumbug · 09/04/2010 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foureleven · 09/04/2010 12:16

That is the way my daughters father behaved and its not nice.

Well, each to their own I guess, somewhere out there there's a greedy woman who'll love him. Dont waste your time or his any more!

Dont let yourself get as far down the line as I did... He'll pinch the chips of your plate when youre not looking

damnedchilblains · 09/04/2010 12:29

"Well this man almost shouted "ITS OPEN!" jumped out of his seat and practically RAN to the buffet. Me and DD just looked at each other, I think we were wondering if he was having a laugh, messing around etc but his DD did the same thing, almost ran there pushing through people etc."

pmsl this is tooooooo funny. I'm going to have to buck the trend and say yab abit u. I can see why you wouldn't like it but if this is the only problem then seriously..........it could be a lot lot worse.

Maybe they'd been rushing around all day and not had chance to eat, or mybe don't eat out often and just go for it lol (still laughing at your description).

I don't think i would have a problem with it unless he literally did push people out of the way, or if he had an obvious weight problem. But I love my food and if I go to nandos I go for it because I don't eat their often and I love it. I happily eat a whole chicken and 2 sides as well as some chicken wings.

Try eating somewhere that isn't all you can eat. My gran (bless her) is someone who if eating all you can eat literally eats all that can fit in her stomach.

would be put off if there was food down his face and he was wolfing it down without breathing. Also slightly worried about the being sick thing. You should definitely ask him about this if you are going to carry on the relationship.

And still laughing

ElleBing · 09/04/2010 12:31

That's just gross. It would definitely put me off him. But then he might be put off you eating like a baby sparrow if being a glutton is his thing.

DH, DC and I go to a Chinese buffet sometimes (a civilised one. I've been to some where people seem to think that this ill be their last meal) and I do what you do; eat little bits until I am full (this does go on for some time, I can out eat most men. Attractive, huh?) But I'd be embarrassed by piling my plate with food. I've no problem against big eaters, we're all big eaters in my house. I've just got a problem with greediness.

foureleven · 09/04/2010 12:31

Heehee it was a funny image. And one I have SEEN with my own eyes and wanted the ground to swallow me whole!

muggglewump · 09/04/2010 12:40

Yes, it's not the eating loads that would bother me, but the piling of the plate and pushing people out of the way, or taking one bite and leaving something to move on to the next, then taking more food.

Eating loads is fine, though actually if it were someone with an obvious weight problem and a first date/new relationship that would put me off too.

Perhaps it's me with the issues?

WitchyWooWoo · 09/04/2010 12:44

my dh loves buffets, and will pile loads on his plate, eat it normally, have a rest, and then go back for more. usually 2 starter plates, 1 meal and then pudding. its a rare treat for us to go out so when we do, i love the fact he gets a bit spoiled iykwim.

the ops post made me cringe a bit, but on the other hand, dos his dd live with him, is this all a treat, and was there an age gap between your dd and his? it could all be contributing to being overexaggerated fun.

the dd could have been looking forward to this for a while so dad was piling on the fun?

yanbu to be put off by this but there are sooo many things to contibute to his behaviour.

on the other hand the sick thing yeuch, what are they? romans

Rockbird · 09/04/2010 12:46

Hmm, I would say there's nothing worse than being out with someone who watches everything that's on your plate and feels the need to make snide comments on it so you sound as bad as each other in that respect.

I don't know what to make of the running for the buffet bit although my dad can be pretty swift to the Harvester salad cart (classy) if he's hungry. Not like that though.

ChippingIn · 09/04/2010 13:13

This would really put me off someone - not the amount they ate, but certainly their coarse attitude.

How old are the DD's?

Have you eaten out with him before? If so, how was he then?

I think if you want to keep seeing him, you should arrange another meal out with them & enlist your DD's help. Tell her that you appreciate that it wasn't great last time, but you'd like to give it another go - go somewhere she would consider suitable for his DD to eat (any mention of a Farm should be discouraged!!) and see how that goes... pick somewhere with a MENU, not all-you-can-eat.

Good Luck

Firawla · 09/04/2010 13:20

I think its right to be put off, because imagine if you became serious with this guy and living together will he influence your household and dcs into very negative eating habits? also quite off putting just to be with someone going so OTT like that. The being sick thing is crazy, really not normal at all if that is true..
If they go back a lot of times its okay although although if really excessive may be off putting but piling so high just looks rude, i prefer like you put a normal amount and go back if necessary, and not push people out the way whats the rush?!

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