or am I a control freak ?

[chachachachangedit]

ex refuses to tell me when he is/not having our sons for the weekend, but tells them on the phone. Which I would not have a problem with, except they are 9 & 4 and understandably, often forget to tell me until the last minute!

So am I right to get a solicitor to send a letter to him to make him contact me via text/email/whatever, or should I give kids a grilling everytime fuckface talks to them?

would need more background information to say.

simply not on, yes he does have to tell you when hes going to have them if you have it legaly put down hes supposed to have them.

If not go to a solicitor and draw up some agreed times every week etc.
he is being a twat

I think it is fair enough to expect your ex to discuss arrangements with you and not rely on the dc to let you know as children do forget to pass on messages. Besides, it's rude. I would say that if he doesn't speak to you directly or via email then you won't recognise any arrangement made with the children alone.

thanks all, I knew I was right!

Agree - your children should not be put in the middle of their parents like that. Too much responsibility for them and very inappropriate because it clearly places them in a difficult position.

I'd approach him and say that you're finding it's putting the children in an unfair position and you need to agree with him on a method of communication whether it's by e-mail or whatever.

And yes, if that didn't work, personally I would send a solicitor's letter.

he is a cunt, simple as that!

Blimey gingernorks what brought that comment on ? OP you call him "fuckface" so am imagining that the two of you aren't on the best of terms, but surely you don't need to put more money in the coffers of your lawyers by sending an official letter. Are things so bad that you can't ask him yourself? You're probably gonna hate me for this but with your kids so young you and your ex need to be able to communicate without lawyers otherwise your kids will suffer one way or another.