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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MY SODDING MOTHER!!

19 replies

LEMneedsmnadvice · 08/04/2010 10:50

I love my mum, shes lovely - really, but she is doing my head in AGAIN.

Cos its the easter holiday she wants to do stuff every day, but i just want some time with DD. Not every day, but today i do. Five times she has rung with suggestions for things to do. I am quite frankly too scared to say that i just want to do stuff with dd on my own today.

that doesnt really annoy me that much, its nice that she wants to spend time with DD. So you would think she would be up for a spot of babysitting - DD is four so not too difficult. I mentioned that DP and I could really do with a night out, the last time we went out alone together was 24th March LAST YEAR for DP's birthday. She muttered soemhting about wanting to go to bingo which is why maybe im a bit sulky today.

I walk her dog for me (She pays me - long story) yesterday she had DD for me while i walked the dogs, i needed somegthing fromt he town, i asked her to just watch DD while i nipped down there - nup, she had to come with me because she needed stuff and i woudlnt know what she wanted - she wanted a loaf of bread whole shopping trip = hour and a half with tired four year old, when it could have been 20 minutes for me. grrrrrrrrr

OP posts:
JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 08/04/2010 10:58

Tell her.

WitchyWooWoo · 08/04/2010 11:05

Is there a reason she can't take your dd out by herself, as she seems eager to do things with her, perhaps during the day since bingo is important to her (im guessing thats in the evenings) it would give you a bit of breathing space, which i think you'd appreciate

on another note, do you have anyone else who could babysit for you. you sound like you need a good wining and dining with your dp!

Original poster
LEMneedsmnadvice · 08/04/2010 19:53

I had a lovely day with my DD, one thing followed another, we went to the local market, which was as rubbish as it always was, ha ha, we then went to the swings and saw another little lad from her class, then we went and had chips on the beach and spent the whole rest of the day playing in the mud, we were minging!! It was lovely, DD is knackered, we are all bathed and ready for bed. I really needed to do that.

I left my phone at home on purpose and called in on my mother on the way home, she was irate because she had been trying to ring me all day and said she would have come with me - but had she came we would have ended up trailing round the shops and spending half an hour on the beach.

Been really impatient with DD lately, i think because i feel pulled in all directions so today was just what we needed.

Witchy, there is no real reason, but she just doesnt want to

OP posts:
CirrhosisByTheSea · 08/04/2010 20:24

Why are you scared to tell her you want time alone with your daughter?

paisleyleaf · 08/04/2010 20:59

Does she not have anyone else?
As it doesn't sound so much like she wants to spend all this time alone with your DD - but with you perhaps.

Original poster
LEMneedsmnadvice · 08/04/2010 21:00

if you knew my mother you'd understand! seriously though, i dont want to hurt her feelings.

OP posts:
Hassled · 08/04/2010 21:04

All you can do is talk to her. I don't have a mother - I do have a grown up DD though. Sometimes she needs telling the bleeding obvious, and sometimes I need telling the bleeding obvious - the relationship changes, and you're equal players.

Spell it out to her - as long as you make sure you're also telling her how great she is and how much you love her then you won't hurt her feelings.

paisleyleaf · 08/04/2010 21:10

Oh, I'm not saying you're BU at all. Just trying to work out where she's coming from and if there's a way out for you. A way for you to spend time with your own DD without feeling guilty.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 08/04/2010 21:13

I remember threads like this before though LEM and no one will actually ever be able to help you unless you're able to give your own feelings as much importance as you do hers?

When she had you at home as a little girl, did she have days at home with just you? I imagine she did and if so, why would you deserve less with your own child?

I think your mother is selfish and has conditioned you to put her first because she doesn't ever consider YOU in her dealings.....If she were thinking kindly of you then she would actively encourage you to have a day with your DD

beanpot · 08/04/2010 21:15

sounds like she likes the 'activities' and not the 'responsibiliities'.... wants to be involved but really doesn't want to have to do it alone...s??

Maybe offer to do something together day 1 and then say day 2 you are having time with dd alone, and then maybe day 3 she would like to have dd for an hour before you all go somewhere...

break her in gently...give her treats for having dd alone...god, sounds like parenting...

parenting the parent, now there a thing!

Fel1x · 08/04/2010 21:15

could you say to her something like 'much as we love spending time with you mum, today just having a day out with dd was lovely, its so nice to spend a little time alone together, completely different dynamic to when there are more of us. actually she'd love to spend the day with just you one day too, you'd enjoy it too i bet, its really special time'
and kill 2 birds with one stone

JosieZ · 08/04/2010 21:24

Is it because you depend on her for financial support or something that you feel you have to keep in with her?

If you could become independent of her speaking your mind would be easier. Perhaps when your DD starts school you can change the situation.

zipzap · 08/04/2010 21:25

Did you ever have days just you and your mum in holidays when you were little where you did things together - the kind of day that you had today with your dd - that you can say to her that you have such happy memories of the days you spent together when you were young that you want to make sure that you follow her example and do the same for your daughter?

And are you able to sort out a day to all do something together near the end of the holidays? Because then you can say that these days with you all together are special too and you want your dd to have a memory of doing them too.

But hopefully it would differentiate it from the days you don't want to spend with your mum. And you could preface it by saying that as it is near end of dd's holiday, want to do something that she will like so have promised her that it won't involve any shops .

She sounds like she is lonely and just wants to spend time with you and your dd. But just on her own terms.

If she won't babysit for you because of bingo, could you ask her if she would babysit for you on a night when she doesn't have bingo (can she really go every night?) and when would be a good night for her so that you can organise your night out around it?

aloiseb · 24/09/2010 22:43

This is why I live such a long way from my DM.

cupcakesandbunting · 24/09/2010 22:43

Oh. Oh no.

cheesesarnie · 24/09/2010 22:44

do you realise this is an old thread from april?

EricNorthmansmistress · 24/09/2010 22:44

OLD THREAD

WhyAyeButterPie · 24/09/2010 22:50

Why has this thread come back?

scottishmummy · 24/09/2010 22:53

think its some kind of cliquey bet,see how many answers obtained.oh how we laughed.a few deid threads been revived lately

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