to not want people looking at me at my wedding

[ButterPie]

OK, so I really want to be DPs wife. I really want my friends and family to all get together for a big party and my sisters and DDs to get to wear lovely dresses. I even like the idea of dressing up myself. I'm just nervous that, as the bride, people are going to focus on me somehow.

We're having the wedding on the stage of a theatre, then a buffet and music in the back rooms. It won't be legally binding, we'll nip down the register office at some point in the next few months, just to shut up the moaners, but the wedding will be the bit at the theatre, if that makes sense.

Already I have various relatives telling me we "must" do this or that, the invites aren't good enough (we were going to just use email and facebook but got some printed for people who don't use computers), we have to do the legal bit or it is pointless apparently, people are sulking because the date is when they wanted to go on holiday. I feel like cancelling the whole thing and just quietly signing a form with DP without telling anyone.

I love the idea of a bit party for everyone to get together and me and DP to publicly say "here is the person I love, we fully intend on being together forever, please give us your blessing by eating sandwiches and dancing to agadoo with us".

In fact, WIBU to have that as my wedding vows?

Oh yeah, apparently I "can't" breastfeed DD2 at the wedding because that would be improper. I will do though, with all that noise and bustle, it will be lovely to sit and feed the baby and gather my thoughts a bit. I chose the wedding dress so I can just pull it down to feed.

YANBU to have those as your wedding vows, I think they're BRILLIANT!! And actually quite romantic, because they're personal, IYSWIM.

YANBU also to get pissed off whenever someone says you 'have' to do something. When I was planning mine if anyone said that you can guarrantee that made me want to do the opposite.

YABU to let it spoil your day or your plans though. It's your day and you should be able to do what you want on it.

However.... Just to make it seem more of an 'occasion' (if not any more of a cheesey conventional wedding), personally I would not use email and facebook as the main invites. By all means use it to chase friends and family who don't reply/are abroad/give extra details about the day etc, but I think a proper invitation in the post makes it feel more like a wedding, rather than a knees up. They don't have to be expensive, in fact with your theatre venue I'm sure you could improvise something lovely and home-made and original.

As for the registry office bit, it doesn't matter two hoots what other people think, but I just wonder about it for your sake. You might not realise it at the time, but actually getting legally married is quite an emotional and scary and brilliant thing, so why not see if you can get that bit done the day before your theatre ceremony, just you two (and two witnesses I think), and then you'll really feel like celebrating the next day?

Oh and YANBU to be nervois about 'everyone looking' at you, because it's natural, but YABU to think it will be a bad thing - you will feel amazing, you will glow with happiness and love, and anyone with a heart will be able to see that.

If you don't want people looking at you then I suggest you don't invite friends and relatives to a theatre and get up on the stage.

People will look at you but in a good way! And you are getting married in a theatre! You will be the star of the show!! You will look fabulous and as your guests will be your friends (presumably). You looking happy and radiant will make them happy. If you look uncomfortable they will feel uncomfortable too. Please enjoy this special day, embrace being the centre of attention and enjoy yourself! Ignore the moaners - there are some in every family and it is your day, not theirs.

cross post - sorry

Like 30andmerkin suggested why not sign the registar on the day. some venues have a place through the back if you dont want witnesses for that.

its your wedding m'dear, do whatever you want, have the date whenever you want and dont let anyone else dictate to you what is right.

i found the most emotional part of my day was signing the wedding contract it meant i couldn't escape so easily!

invitation wise, you're only being environmentally friendly no? cutting down on the actual paper being used

we had someone who was on holiday on our wedding day. didn't matter one little bit, there was no bad feeling or anything, i think if someone complains to the bride about the fact they'll be on holdiay etc is just rude.

It'll be fabulous. And YANBU, I hate being the centre of attention and that even extended to our wedding day. I had a lovely day, but I did feel a little on show.

"I love the idea of a bit party for everyone to get together and me and DP to publicly say "here is the person I love, we fully intend on being together forever, please give us your blessing by eating sandwiches and dancing to agadoo with us".

Well that's the whole idea of a wedding. In many countries the legal bit is done on a separate day and you have a separate ceremony, so your relatives are being a bit silly.

I can really identify with your reluctance to be the centre of attention for a day. I too really wanted to have all my friends and family around me, but I found the idea of having everybody looking at me all day really weird and it made me quite nervous coming up to the day.

The thing that I hadn't factored in was that the people who would be there would be all the people I loved most in the world, so being the focus of their attention was lovely and gratifying and not stressful because I knew they had come to wish me well.

PMSL @ Trillian though, she does have a point

As for breastfeeding (and anything else like that that people might tell you is or isn't "proper") this is YOUR wedding. YOU are breastfeeding at the moment, so a breastfeeding bride will be a part of your wedding.

[Aside: have you chosen a breast-feeding compatible dress? If so, that is impressive]

Yes, a round of applause to the BFing-compatible dress for getting married in (might not be a 'wedding' dress)

YANBU - you should do what you want to do and that includes BF if you need to! You won't feel stared at on the day - your family and friends want you to be happy and it just feeld lovely having everyone together.

Or of course, you could always borrow my older sister who was my bridesmaid - she was so intent on being the centre of attention she and her husband took our photogrpaher off for a private photo session on their own without asking me or DH, because she 'didn't have any nice photots of them both together, so thought it would be a good opportunity for us to get some'. We were quit surprsed when we got our photos back and there were about 50 of them... Thanks for that sis...!

tell the friends and family who are moaning to f off.
i felt the same way about being the centre of attention, but as it was all the people I love most in the world, on the day, I definitely didn't care.
Arrangements for weddings are always stressful, no matter how easy you think it will be.
We sent email invites to everyone, and then the positive responses we sent official invites to. Pack of plain wedding invites from john lewis. We also made up an info sheet and put that in the invite.
just treat it like a big party and maybe it won't be so stressful?!!!