To not want my baby dd to spend the night away from me?

[TAFKAtheUrbanDryad]

Dh and I arranged a rare night out for us to the cinema, and sorted out for a friend to come and stay. The friend has now said that she wants our dc (ds, 3 and dd, 13 months) to stay over with her, which would mean dd being away from me all night. Quite apart from the fact that she still nurses to sleep, I'm not ready for dd to be away from me all night, it's bad enough that I have to work 3 days a week away from her without being away from her at night too.

Dh and our friend can't understand why I don't want her away from me. I feel like they've railroaded me into saying it's ok when every instinct I have says it's not. Friend reckons it's good for babies to be away from their parents but I feel sick just thinking about it. I don't have a problem with ds being away - he's old enough to understand what's going on and likes the occasional sleepover with friends. But dd is still so tiny it just doesn't feel right. AIBU?

I agree with your friend that children do benefit from tme away from their parents.

If you think that our daughter willbe upset without you, then YANBU, but if you think your daughter wil be fine and it will just be you that is upset, I do think maybe you're being a tad unreasonable.

That said it is your daughter and you should do what you are happy with. I am sure a lot of other Mums would feel the same in your position.

she is 13 months I'm sure that she'll be fine.

Go with your instincts. You won't enjoy your night out if you are worrying about your DD.

It's daunting to think about for the first time I agree, but honestly, I think you would find it absolutely fine. DS went away with DH for 2 weeks in January age 17mo. It was the first time he had even been a night away from me. I thought I would hate it but it was blissful to sleep in in the morning, or just lie in bed without having to get up. I say gird your loins and enjoy yourself - if your friend is happy to settle DD in the way you want (ie not leaving her to cry etc) then she will be absolutely fine. she doesn't need to feed to sleep, she'll go off fine with some cuddles/rocking/whatever, and she probably won't notice you aren't there!

Enjoy it. Don't forsake a night out for something that is worse in your head than in reality.

I totally understand. I've never spent a night away from DD and she's 20 months.

Am stressing about a wedding we're going to at xmas when we'll leave DD and our then 6mo baby with my Mum for the night.

Think it'll do me good though, but I really, really want to go with the wedding (and without the children too). Are you not that keen on the night out in general?

YANBU, you are her mum and know her best. Tell them you're not happy with what has been arranged. Maybe you could compromise and either let your DD go round and then pick her up on the way home, leaving DS to sleep over. If not, maybe find someone else to look after your DD

It doesn't feel right to you, so YANBU to trust your instincts on this. I also think it's different when being separated at night is a necessity and when, as it sounds in this case, it's more for your friend's convenience. Hope you can persuade her to respect your decision, or find another babysitter, and enjoy your evening out.

If you're not ready, don't do it as you won't be able to enjoy yourself.
I wasn't ready to leave mine at this age.

If she's still breastfeeding then I think you are perfectly reasonable.

Personally, I have never bothered renting/buying a breastpump with number 3 so I haven't spent any significant length of time away from him.

The last thing you want is for your boobs to be full and aching on a night out and to be worrying about how your baby is!

Actually, even if you weren't breastfeeding, you're being reasonable. Why should you spend time away from your baby if you don't want to?

YANBU - I wouldn't have done it with a 13 month old that still nurses to sleep, lol mine have only just done it at the ages of 4 and 6 (because they didn't want to I might add)

Your baby. Your way.

I have a friend who is constantly urging me to go away on work conferences/ minibreaks etc. because "it's good for you to be away from your baby!" It annoys me a bit, to be honest. Each to their own and all that.

Just say thank you and no, but refuse to be drawn on exactly why.

YANBU to not want to leave your baby overnight. Personally I am a little that no one ever has mine overnight 5 and 18 months, but each to their own!

Of course YANBU, but am curious that your DH doesn't grasp why it isn't a problem, especially since you are breastfeeding.

Does he maybe think you need to spend time away from DD?

YANBU...I didn't let my DCs spend the night away from me until they were old enough to ask (both toddlers). I just never really saw a need...we had family babysitters if we wanted a night out, and I was more than happy to come home at the end of the evening, and get up with them the next morning. Letting THEM make the decision made me a lot more at peace with it...now we all love when the kids go to Auntie's or Granny's...it's a treat all around!

Trust your instinct...and don't let anyone make you feel bad for your decision.

Hi everyone, thanks for your replies, sorry to have vanished - was driving back from Surrey! We have compromised: dd is there now, but not asleep, so we're going to the cinema and then if she's still not asleep after the film finishes, then we'll pick her up on our way back. Seems reasonable, non?