I hate house guests

[MrsRedford]

...and I'm having in-laws coming round to visit us for 6 weeks!! (from Australia). Their idea, not mine. Money is tight so they can't stay in a hotel. How can I make sure it doesn't go sour? Ds is 4 and it's chaos as it is. Dh could only take a week off work. But what shall I do with them for the rest of the time? I can't seem to find the motivation to play hostess. Any good houseguest tips? Or shall I slash my wrists now?

6 WEEKS!!

Do you not have family in other parts of the country they can visit?

YANBU

Can you encourage them to stay elsewhere for a while in the middle of their stay, just to break it up a bit? Find them some lovely B&Bs in a scenic area and pack them off.

Can you and DH clear off for a weekend and leave them in charge of DS?

How independent are they? Will they hire a car or be happy on public transport? Are they likely to help around the house or will they expect to be waited on?

oh no.. that sounds like hell to me

Oh no I feel for you! No advice but...good luck with that one!

Belle - they have another daughter, but she will be visiting us apparently as her place is too tiny to fit them all! So more guests on top of guests. And others I've never heard of have started calling and taking our postcode

ZacharyQuack - I wish I could get rid of them for a while in the middle, or take a break ourselves. It's already started costing us. Have had to buy a dining table, as last one was just about to break. Money is really tight, and we'll probably have to pay for trips to places and any 'shopping trips'. They are not very independent. Will be relying on me or dh to drive them. FIL is quite old and fragile.

If ds stays with them, we could ask them to babysit I suppose.

Should I create an itinerary, so that we don't start suffering with cabin fever? I am feeling exhausted just thinking about the constant shopping/cooking/cleaning/sleepless nights and lack of space.

I've broken out into huge spots all over my face and rash on my neck.

I think you're going to need to set the tone from the beginning - 6 weeks is a long time!

You're a bunk house, not a full service hotel - they should get their own breakfast etc. they should really go shopping and stock up for you too (if you can't say directly, perhaps you could use an 'I didn't know what you eat' excuse, then stand back when it comes to time to pay in an effort to get them to offer?)

When I had a long term houseguest who was taking the mick I found that strategic running out of things like washing powder and milk (and not having time to stock up myself) forced the issue.

I was going to post that having a houseguest isn't that bad but I just found out after reading your post that a houseguest means someone who's going to stay a while!! I thought you meant just for the afternoon! One afternoon with my MIL is more than enough for me. You're made of stronger stuff than I am!!
YANBU

Yikes!!! and I thought my life was bad...........

Yes, an itinerary but don't show them.

First draw up your own about how your life functions. Then fit theirs around.

For the first two days, plan nothing. Then for the next ten days, plan a day out/activity, a day off. During these ten days, take them to places they can afford to eat out and visit, places that will become their "local" during the next month. Find them a "favourite" cafe or pub or cinema.

That is your hostessing done in terms of showing them the country. At weekends establish something you do every weekend at the same time together eg Sunday lunch somewhere, visit to the park or common etc. In addition, establish from the off that there are some things you will always do alone, whether it's the shopping or walking the dog or coffee after school drop off. You have to have that hour or so to yourself or you will become homicidal.

After that time you go back to the normal routine and they fit around that and help you. Normal people (I hope they are normal) don't like sitting around doing nothing while other people get stressed. So you should ask your ILs to cook a couple of times a week, take out your lo, pick up your lo from school/nursery. Make sure they know where the local shop is to pick up milk and bread. Believe me, if you can send them out for milk when they are getting on your nerves, even ten minutes peace is a huge boon. Don't feel shy to say "I don't suppose you'd give me a hand with the ironing would you?" etc.

If they are normal they will be delighted to help you.

Towards the last week make a new itinerary, is there anything extra they want to do. Then fit it in. Plan a day out and a night out to say goodbye.

Guests. Lovely when they come, lovely when they go. Every one knows it. Good luck.

Probonbon speaks a lot of sense. I would add that they must always do their own breakfast. It's also worthwhile having 'chats' at dinner time about what they're going to be doing tomorrow or next week or whenever. After they've got the layout of where you live then they should be able to get out and about alone. For your sake I hope you have some public transport so you don't have to taxi them around.

Given that there is other family who will be piling in then I would definitely get your DH to discuss with them that they must take some responsibility for entertainment/feeding when they come. Can they contribute some money/food/help?

Good luck.

Surely ds has lots of things in the morning he goes to Play dates etc so you have to take him to those and so thats a break for you.

Erm hide some vodka in the kitchen for emergencies?

Get a key cut for them and present it to them so they'll know they are expected to come and go as they please within reason. Plus have a little package all set out for them with brochures, bus and train timetables, taxi phone numbers.

Tell them to feel free to make themselves at home and cheerfully explain that you have a casual household and would hate to see guests feeling awkward about using the kitchen, getting themselves their favourite breakfast or snacks, etc., and that you hope they'll treat yours like their home from home. I would also show them how to use your washing machine and how you generally dry clothes. It's nice for the guests to be able to do their own laundry as needed.

Guests who are staying for that long will appreciate their own privacy too -- is there room in the guest bedroom for a couple of chairs and a tv so they can have a little privacy for a good row or just to wipe the smiles off their faces and let their hair down?

As ChunkyPickle says, set the tone from the beginning. We live in Oz and have had a number of long term visitors from the UK, including the ILs. (Last year 3 months and this year 8 weeks - far to long if you ask me.)

Don't go out of your way to plan day trips for them. Your number one priority is your DS and if they had really wanted to see the country, they would have made other plans for themselves. My ILs are of the type that will not go off on their own to explore and so we are with them 24/7 from the day they arrive to the day they leave! Their main reason for coming all this distance is to spend time with their grandson and they are very happy doing this.

Once they arrive make sure that they know where things are to make a cup of tea or a snack (toast and jam is good) and explain what you want them to do with the cups and plates when they have finished. I tend to make it clear that lunch is a 'do it yourself' affair as I am often too busy with DS to deal with guests until it is too late! Don't be afraid to ask for help at any time that you are feeling overwhelmed; if they are normal people they will want to help.

An expensive mistake that I made in the early days was cooking to impress; preparing nice dinners just because we had guests. Just cook what you would normally do, even if it's baked potatoes and baked beans! Maybe your DH could explain to them that money is tight and ask if they would mind contributing an amount to the grocery bill. We normally go halves minus nappies and foods specifically for DS.

If there are certain things that you do to save money, eg waiting for a full load to do washing on economy 7, short showers etc, explain this early on. It can save a lot of resentment building up.

If there is a certain time of the day that you find stressful, try to use the IL's to your advantage. For example if the hour before dinner is particularly difficult, make it a daily granny and grandpa playtime with DS where they can take him into the garden or read him stories.

Finally, keep the camera in sight and make sure that you get lots of photos together. We never remember this and often end up doing the 'family shot' just before we leave for the airport.

Approach it with positive thoughts, you may really enjoy it! Good luck.

If your dh works all week it is perfetly accectable fir him to take his parents and dc out for a day at the weekend giving you time to catch up on chores and me time
tell anyone else who wants to see them the name of the nearest b&b
suggest they meet halfway leaving you a few days alone

Personally I'd be giving my dh a kick for only taking one week off

stillinmypjs - great approach

I do what other posters said about setting the tone from the begining. Also give them their own key, a map and local attractions. Show them on first day how the washing mashine and cooker works and tell them to 'feel free'

I take it you don't work so cant escape to work? Then keep your diary busy and book all the appoitments in those 6 weeks. Good opportunity to have your dental check, smear test etc.

It is not all bad, you will have free babysitting, plan a nice night out with dh. Also they can take ds out with them few mornings for some 'bonding' and fun and you can stay in bed.

Finally, mention that you 've got to do 'some work on the computer' and come and chat here. This is what i do.

you received some very good advice already. My mom would stay with us for anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months at a time. She just acted like one of the household. Except for when we had other people over then she would sit perched on the couch with a frozen fake smile.
(shy) She had a key and would do her own laundry and so on. She got a bit bored towards the end. I know it's a bit different with them not being your own parents, but they are your dp's parents and now your family too.
If they are fairly normal people, you will feel comfortable after the first day or two of any shyness or awkwardness.
Try and relax, don't worry and enjoy them. You may bawl your eyes out when they leave, you never know.

The good thing is that they speak english so it is easier to get out. I have guests who don't and it is pain on the neck.

oh yes definitely show them where things are in the kitchen so you dont spend the whole time waiting on them hand and foot!

My ILs are from Italy, the logest Iv had them was 2.5 months and that was more than long enough imo. I know what you are going through. My FIL was good because he took long walks every day but my MIL does not like going out and preferres to stay inside. She is how can i say it very large and finds walking a problem so just tends to sit a lot, though if you asked her to do something she would like ironing, cooking and washing which was good. But even with the nicest of parents/IL it still can get on your nerves. Good advice already so i really cant give you much but good luck

As for asking them to stay in a hotel, thats a no no! As they are from the Med its like throwing them out on the streets and an insult they would rather not come tbh, and as for asking them to get a taxi . They would use public transport though.

im just flabbergasted that people think its ok to park up at someones house for 6,8,12 weeks at a time! i would never feel comfortable doing that even to my ds!

i wish you all the luck humanly possible - you've got some great suggestions on here.

...and i thought 4 days with IL's was bad, blimey!

We live in sunny South Africa so get a lot of long term guests a lot. I have got a huge visitors tub....maps, transport details, guide books, eating out guides, shopping details. I tell em of 2 or 3 things I'll do with them that week.... a breakfast, a walk, a trip or something and make it clear the rest of the time they are on their own. (I'm not a nice person but they keep on coming!) I also book some overnight trips away equally spaced over the duration.........a nice B&B.....just getting a couple of days breather helps me a lot. Kick em out early in day and magically you get 48 hours off almost with just one nights stay away....plus, can you use opportunity to get away with hubby, even if not over night they could mind 4 year old so you could get to gym for a sauna and steam maybe.... good luck! (and my own private mantra,....if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.....so I go mute for a while).

alannabanana - if you have family abroad you get used to it

my mate has parents living in Japan

they come over for a few months a year

they do nursery/ school runs, ferrying to parties and playdates, they literally drop their lives to help her for those few months

the rest of the year her inlaws seem to do all her childcare

it's different cultures, and how families work

not everyone sees their families staying as an inconvenience (I do though I hasten to add )