to refuse this playdate

[KoalaSar]

Friend with similar aged DD has invited my DD to "come over and play".

I have agreed to this.

Once agreed, she revealed she was actually taking the two children to a beach - 30 miles away - simpy said "I'll pick her up at half eight and we can be on the beach by half nine"!

I have no idea what sort of driver she is - she's not a close friend.

She is royally pissed off that I have cancelled and is now writing all sorts of stuff on Facebook this evening telling everyone she's annoyed beyond belief (though not being specific about why).

My child, my say, surely???

thanks for replies - feel better knowing I wasn't totally in the wrong.

(Love the term whack-a-loon!)

Facebook rant was definitely about me - appeared at the same time she was sending me angy text messages.

She is probably annoyed at you and therefore not inviting you for coffee. But then why should she? Why is it her job to make sure you are invited for coffee? Doesnt sound like you even really like her anyway.

I don't blame you at all for pulling out. You said you felt uneasy, and you had an excuse. She sounds a bit of a bully, tbh.

My DD has a close friend whose mother is a nightmare; e.g DD's at their house & I've rung up to say I was coming over to get her (40 mins drive). No answer, so rang mum's mobile & she said "We're at my brother's at the moment..." WTF? Where the BH does her brother live? (A village I'd never heard of - and she came back stinking of smoke!)

When DD was 14 she stayed there for a sleepover. I rang her mobile at 10pm and she was in Tesco's, with the friend and her little brother (10) getting pot noodles for their tea . I didn't even try to get to the bottom of that, just vowed not to let DD go there again. Her friend comes to us.

So you are right to take your instincts seriously. Going with them is the best bet, if you can, or offering to have the DD at yours.

I'm with you here - I would expect a friend to consult about plans and I would not trust my children to the care of some-one who had not the sense or thoughtfulness to do so. A 30 mile car journey and beach is substantially different to a play in the garden/under a hose. Under similar circumstances (A very new friend invited my 5 year old for a birthday party that then turned out to be a sleepover 10miles away), I put it that my son might not be confident enough to be that far out of range. Which was true-ish. Luckily altho she did turn out to be completely bonkers - there was no fall-out.

Who is this idiot????

Is she 15?Excluding you and bitching behind your back?What a cretin.

Run a mile.

laces up trainers

YANBU! She doesn't sound very nice to be honest. As to putting "those people before her" (your relatives), my mum lives abroad and my friends understand that when she comes to visit I spend almost all my time with her. Yes I do put her before my friends as she lives far away. And I'm fortunate enough to have understanding friends who don't take it personally!

She sounds like a manipulative loon

I too think you are best of out of it!

I fell out with a friend for something very similar when she wanted to make my 18m old DS to a beach 60 miles away.he was my first and I was scared stiff of him getting lost.She was very hurt and upset.
Now I'm on my 4th DC , she has just turned 5 and I'd snatch the milkman's hand off if he offered to take any of them out for the day !

YANBU! I wouldn't let my dd who is 4 go to the beach with a 'not close' friend!?

If she ranted on facebook then your instincts were correct. Well done for cancelling!

I think the reason you gave was very believable and relatives (especially those living a distance away) ALWAYS come before friends. And a real friend would understand that and not ask you to put them first.

And ranting on FB? That is really taking the piss. Generally I hate people who rant about others on FB. "XXX is pissed off. Some people think the sun shines out of their arse." This was a status update of one of my FB friends today - she was promptly put on my blocked list. Do they really think the world at large is interested in their petty grievances?

You tactfully pull out of aplaydate and she send you angry texts, excludes you and rants about you on facebook. She is fucking nuts and you are well out of it. Sounds likes she has a serious problem actually.