Wedding question. Should big bro bring his new GF (and her 2 kids)?

[fairysnuff]

My sis is getting married this september.
My little DD is her flower girl. Chosen cos both our other nieces have been flower girls at other weddings (DN1 at mine, DN2 at her mums brothers). My big bro has been in contact with sis re acommodation, sis contacted him actally. Anyway. Big bro is major skint so said that there would be no way he could afford a room in the hotel (£125 Family room). Fair enough.
He then said he had thought his 2 girls would be flower girls or such, but no pressure if they weren't.
Then said that he would prob be bringing his new GF (4th since splitting from his wife 3 yrs ago) who has 2 children. So he would be 1 +5.
Sis is a bit
She says, Hang on, who said GF was invited, let alone her LOs and if she was, is big bro seriously hinting that he expects me to organise and pay for accommodation for them all??

She has a point, no?

Bro defo assumed that his girls were part of the wedding and therefore all their needs would be catered for (which they will, regardless. We all know bro hasn't a penny to spare). That assumption led him to beleive that it woudl not be such a big leap to accommodate his new GFs lot too.
And I suppose, on his part, it would be the assumption that he woudl be invited 'and partner'
But there have been so many and I am not all that keen on each one being introduced to his girls and to be such a part f each visit they have.
I woudl have thought just he and the girls woudl come to the wedding.
I woudl prefer it. I want to se them with their daddy and for their daddy to give them his undivided attention at least at his lil sis's wedding.

AIBU

and if I am not, how do you go about telling big bro that HIBU?

YANBU- BUT I offer this as a caution,
I had always wondered why my Sister in Law had no photos of me from her wedding, and no photos of me at her house, but dozens of DH (her brother)
It turned out she thought our marriage wouldn't last so asked the photographer to keep me out. I am sure it grates on her nerves that we are still together nearly 8 years after we met.
My point is you don't know how Big Brother feels about this particular woman and her children. In eight years time you and your sister don't still want to feel awkward that your brother's darling wife kids and step kids were left out in the cold.
I can see why you don't want her there, and it isn't unreasonable but at the end of the day she must be fairly important to him and that should be important to you. So hope a few people drop out, and he may even break up with her before the wedding. Okay so the girls don't get Daddy time, but they will have lots of family time, and I bet they will love that, relatives and friends will love to see them, and they will have the edge (maybe even for only this one day) over GFs kids.
All of that said it is a big leap to expect his GFs kids to be accommodated as part of the wedding party rather than as additional guests, and it wouldn't be unreasonable to tell him that.
And if it all goes tits up in a year or two, it doesn't matter, honestly most of the unmarried couples at our wedding have now split and we still treasure our photos for the day it was.

Hi fairysnuff. Well since the invitation has not been officially issued yet, maybe just inviting "brother and guest", will be the answer. And invite his 2 children with their very own invitation? She could call or e-mail him and explain they would have to all share the one room, and to bring sleeping bags and pillows?.
I might be tempted to just welcome all the kids, in the long run, it won't ruin the day or anything, especially as you say they are most likely a very nice family. As long as they are ok with the 5 of them camping out in one room. Which would just be like a sleepover, and they'd be tired and fall asleep probably really quickly.

I see your point about the brother introducing his daughters(and other family members) to "the one" several times in a short period. Maybe he/she/you can just tell your own children they are friends of the family, not label them as his girlfriend and her children.

Weddings are family events. It is possible that this new woman and her children are part of the family now. If you weigh up the risk of not inviting them and causing ructions way into the future, against inviting them and making them feel welcome -and the children in the family having a chance to meet each other, it's obvious to me that they have to me invited I'm afraid.

It may cost a bit, bit this is the brother you are talking about, not a regular guest. How much have they spent on the rest of the wedding? On flowers for example?!

While a wedding is primarily your big day of course, IMO it shouldn't be forgotten that their other function is to bring two families / friendship groups together. It is the perfect place for introducing new partners and their children to the family. And if they split up, you've lost maybe a couple of hundred quid. In the grand scheme of things, so what. But if they don't and she wasn't invited (and not inviting her kids, is not inviting her effectively) then it could cause a lot of upset. It;s just not worth it IMO.

They need to suck it up and make them welcome I'm afraid!

I think she should be invited but not her kids.

Its up to your sister and her husband to be. If it were me, I wouldn't get involved, apart from giving my opinion to sister if she asked.

I think it's odd that a grown man with (e) wife and children thinks it's ok to look to his sister & mum/dad to pay for him and his chikdren, but also for his (new) girlfriend and her children! Is this not more than a bit weird? If I were the gf I would feel too embarrassed to have some strangers pay for me to go to their special day. She is also a grown up as she's managed to have 2 kids. Can she not pay for herself and the kids?

I really can't get my head round 2 adults expecting other people to pay for them plus their 4 kids. It's totally off my radar.

That aside, I wouldn't exclude the kids. Either the gf is invited with her kids, or not at all. I would probably invite them. But I wouldn't pay for any of them (db included tbh)

Have you met the girlfriend? She might not be able to think of anything worse than attending a family wedding with a whole load of people she doesn't know. I don't think it is the ideal place for her to be introduced to everyone.

On the other hand if she considers it a long term relationship, then it will cause resentment. And if she is invited as a potential future family member) then you have to include her children, as they will be your brother potential step-kids.

So, if she has been to other family events, then YABU, if she has hardly met any of you, then YANBU.

But she should pay her way

I think it is rude to invite guests as 'singles' (with no plus one) so she should be invited along with your brother. If your sister doesn't want the girlfriend in the photos then fair enough, just exclude her from those. As for the children, if other children are invited then it might be a nice gesture to invite them, but do not see this as necessary - but would invite them if it would cause family ructions not to.

Would not pay his accommodation costs provided that venue is 'commutable' IYSWIM. If he is within driving/walking/bus distance at the end of the night then it's his responsibility to get home. If venue is in the middle of nowhere then that's more difficult, but on the whole probably not the couple's responsibility to pay for his accommodation - provided that they accept that as a result he might not be able to come at all.

belle Holiday Inns maybe are £30 but our nearest one is 100 miles away
That is the nuisance of where we live, it is no where near anywhere. B&Bs locally to the hotel would prob be cheaper though, but her children are 3 and 5, I think, so to be in a B&B nearby means that they are, pretty much, not going to be at the evening do.
Bro would not be up for that idea. He likes a good swally.
I would imagine that the GF does not know that bro has made these suggestions to sis. Bro opens his mouth and lets his belly rumble sometimes. So, I do think it is ridiculous that bro should expect it, I will not tar her with that brush too.
We really do not know her at all. I know her name and I think I know her childrens ages, they are both boys, but that is it.

madame if he put his hand in his pocket, all he would find would be fluff!
zipzap that is mad! you were with him 15 years FGS, not immediate family! You were immediate. You were his common law wife after 6!!
DB has been dating this lady for 3 months, ok it will be 9 by that point, but is not a serious relationship in my book, 3 months that is.
Anyway, I am not saying she should not be invited. Not sure that I ever said that, just wanted some thoughts on the situation. She will be invited, of course, bro can invite whomever as his +1, as sis, and I, have realised he should be able to. Sis will just have to figure out whether or not to include the children. In honesty though, the only children invited are her nieces and nephew so, I think, that it kind of is only direct family's children. It would be a bit odd to have these random children there.
She has never been worried about the photos, I didn't say anything about the photos more the point of the question from bro.
But at the end of the day it is all sis's choice as to how she deals with it. She did ask my opinion, so that is why I am involved at all. Mine was mixed so I came on here for further thoughts to help me help her, should she want to listen.
It has all helped though

"It would be a bit odd to have these random children there." probably true, but IMO it's a but odd, and unkind to invite a mother and not her children to a child-friendly event.

Do other guests have children who are not invited?

I would invite all of them (even though I think it's odd that he can't pay for it). It's either Plus One or not, and Child Friendly or not.

I would invite the GF but not the children. I think all guests should have a plus one. At our wedding there was one friend whose (or is it who's?) boyfriend was working and couldn't make it so I encouraged her to ask a college friend of hers we both knew so she had a plus one. But we had the no children thing as is my cousin this year and it's entirely up to them who they invite. His brother did question me at our wedding why I didn't go and I pointed out he didn't invite my boyfriend who was the bloke over there I'd just married.

So leaving 2 DSs with ILs for cousin's wedding it's our sixth wedding anniversary that day and we'll get 2 nights away! Maybe the GF won't mind a night out without her DCs?

Anyway I think it's up to the bride and groom.