AIBU to not cook a proper dinner for the children when they've already had a hot meal in school?

[helyg]

My second AIBU of the day, I must be suffering from hidden insecurities

The youngest of my 3 DC starts primary school full time next week. All 3 of them have school dinners, which they love and frequently have seconds (or thirds) of.

I know that DD will be tired when she gets home, and DS2 always is too. They won't want to wait until DH gets back from work to eat supper. I don't really want to cook twice (much as I enjoy cooking, I don't want to do two meals in two hours!)

So, AIBU to give the children, or at least the younger two, something like homemade soup or welsh rarebit for tea when they get back from school, and cook a proper supper for us later?

Have always given DD a cooked dinner in the evening as well as a hot lunch at school. I was somewhat obsessed about her having something hot in the middle of the day (why? I don't know), so she would have school lunches, and as I was cooking in the evning for myself anyway, she had a hot dinner then as well.

Mind you, she has always eaten late with me. I was a single parent for some time, so it was just the two of us, and I think it wopuld have been a bit bleak to eat seperately. So we would have our evening meal at around half 6/7. She ate withj me at this time from quite a young age - 4 or so, with a banana or some toast for tea to stave off her hunger.

Still eat as a family now I am with DP - think it is an important time of the day, and really would not like seperate eating.

I am from germany and I would have sandwiches at school every day. Or some other goodies my mum prepared, like rolls and so on. When being younger school would end some time between 12 and 1 and I would have something warm at home at that time.
Traditionally, you have bread as your dinner. So it's absolutely not considered a snack food or anything! It's a normal meal. And honestly, if you give them something roper like bread, good cold cuts and some veggies (cucumber, tomatoes and so on), I don't see how that can be less filling than a warm meal. It all depends on how you organise it.
As we didn't have school lunches at all, I would not have anything else but bread all day at school and school could end as late as five. I would eat my warm meal (nuked) whenever I got home, be it 3 or 6. If it was early, I would have a little bit for dinner too (bread) but often not.
Saying that, it worked for me perfectly. I know it's tradition here to have your warm meal at night and I agree it's just easier when you are out all day. But your kids have had a warm meal and in my opinion that's enough. So you are absolutely not unreasonable, especially if they can't wait for you and your DH! It might be different when they are older and want to eat with you.

I have thought about this as although DD is younger, she has a hot lunch at nursery when she goes there 3 mornings a week and I have always given her some of whatever we are all having for dinner. I thought maybe this meant I was overfeeding her.

I know realise that I was being abit stupid because whether the food is hot or cold is pretty much irrelevant to its nutritional content, therefore whether you are giving them chicken salad sandwiches or chicken potato and vegetables it is all much of a muchness isn't it? I think portion size is much more relevant, so I wouldn't be giving DD a huge hot or cold dinner on the days she goes to nursery, I just give her slightly less.

YANBU

DD has a hot meal at school every day. On the days she doesn't have an actuvuty int he evening we all eat together, so she gets another proper meal. When she does have an activity or has a friend round, she eats seperately - sometimes that will be a snack meal, sometimes sandwiches or salad and sometimes a bigger meal, depending on what she fancies.

We are also pretty fortunate as at DD's school meals are cooked fresh on site, they have a cook who prepares fresh meals daily and it is all nourishing and quite traditional. They can have seconds if they want, and can ask for a small or large portion. There is also bread and butter on the table to go with their meal.

I personally wouldn't just give them a snack when they got home. I remember not eating very much of the school dinner on offer. I would like to know that they've eaten something good, so for me I would always cook a meal even if they've had one at school.

Also, it's just like them having a lunch? Goodness they would be starving by the time they got home!

YANBU. Our DSs have a hot meal at lunchtime and a proper sandwich/cakes/fruit tea.

Me and DW also have a hot meal at lunch time and then only have a piece of fruit or a very very small snack in the evening so it suits our lifestle not to cook for DSs at night. No one starves. No one gets fat.

If your children are fine and satisfied with one meal then that's all that matters. So YANBU. We do eat two hot meals a day though, I didn't even know there were people who had only one until I came across the concept on internet forums.

If they're getting their 5-a-day with a bit more carbohydrate and fat, why worry?

I started sending in meals that playgorup could heat up so that I could feed my lot a light dinner instead of cooking

I wouldn't worry about.

DS1 started school in august and gets hot lunch and i know what his choices are cos the school provides a copy of the three week revolving menu, so i can generally judge on which days he will be more hungry when he comes home.

It's usually a choice of cold meat with potatoes and veg or pasta on the days where i reckon he's only had the sandwich option and the days i know he'll eat one of the hot options we usually have mounds of toast and jam and butter cos i know he won't anymore than that and there is no point throwing away food...

Yes our school dinners are fab, and they were long before Jamie-fication

It is commmon to have seconds, or thirds, in fact I think it is a competitive thing amongst the boys as to how many portions they can eat! Have just asked DS1, and apparently they are offered seconds every day.

I am 100% sure that the boys eat plenty (obviously I don't know for sure about DD yet as she only starts next week, but she loves her food so I can't see any reason why she wouldn't). In fact one day last year DS1's class teacher came to speak to me at the end of the day as she was a bit worried that he might be coming down with something as he had only eaten half of his dinner and that was really unusual!

Ideally I would like us to all sit down together, but DH doesn't get home until 5.30pm and I can see DD being in bed not long after 6pm on a school night to begin with as she will be exhausted. So that isn't practical. Ideally I would like us to all eat the same thing, but I don't want to spend my entire late afternoon/evening cooking, and we tend to eat things like risotto, pasta, stir fry etc which would need cooking (and standing over cooking) twice as they wouldn't reheat nicely. In the winter when I have a casserole in my slow cooker it wouldn't be such a problem!

DS2 and DD are only 5 and 4. I fully expect as they get older they will manage to stay up a little bit later and so go back to eating their evening meal with us (as DS1, who is 7, does). But for the moment I think I will make them something small a bit earlier.

BTW their something small will usually be cooked and warm, eg homemade tomato soup, baked potatoes with cheese and salad, boiled eggs and toastie soldiers, welsh rarebit etc. Probably followed by some homemade cake . So not just a sandwich or a bowl of cereal!

I do think every child is different with regard to this.

My DD has dinners but still has a cooked meal in the evening, as she eats with the rest of us and I don't like having my main meal at lunchtime. DS has a packed lunch as he is less fussy about cold food and needs a lot less food than DD. He would be happy to have snacky tea every night too - he's definitely more of a grazer, whereas DD is a meat and two veg girl.

If you and they are happy with the arrangement, then go for it! I know that most of my friends who use school dinners for their kids don't give them a hot meal in the evening.

Although having read your post above, their teas sound very substantial and hot anyway - those are the sorts of things that my son usually has for lunch on the days when he's at home with me rather than at pre-school.

Nobody actually needs one hot meal a day, never mind two!

A decent, healthy substantial meal doesn't have to be cooked, or hot.