of is this one of the wrongest things ever.

[thefraudsquad]

Have recently split up with exdp. During the time we were together we opened up a bank account for dc. It now appears that whenever ex ran short of cash he "borrowed" from this account. Not loads in the account, not a huge amount, around £2k. Gifts mainly from grandparents and bits and pieces we put in.

Bank account is now empty. Exdp says he has done nothing wrong as he put majority of cash in there and he will have loads of money by the time dc are older with which to replace the money. Just to be clear the "hard times" that led to this money being taken from the account usually involved drinking and placing a "sure thing" bet.

He has also "borrowed" dd's mobile phone as his was out of credit and this number is now unobtainable as he has "lost" the phone. Not sure under what circumstances.

He is a very difficult and aggressive man if you try to confront him about this kind of thing but I feel that I am not looking after my dc's interests if I don't confront him.

What would you say or do?

or not of!

What he's done is wrong but not sure I would confront him if he's likely to be aggressive with you.

Can it be taken into account in terms of divorce/maintenance at all?

Dont bother confronting him, you're not going to get the money/stuff back and you're just going to get a load of aggression.

Don't send them with valuables when they go for time with him in future.

That is utterly disgusting. I mean, completely revolting.

Do you still have deposit books for the account, or any records of the money which was put into it? If so you could go to the CAB and find out if you can 'do him' for fraud, and try and claw the money back for your DS, but I really don't know enough about that sort of thing to know whether it's possible.

I certainly wouldn't let that lie though. And my mum raided my savings account when I was ten, and used all the money. The difference being, of course, that she used it to buy a car and put down a deposit on a rented house to escape a nasty partner who ended up stalking her. Somewhat different circumstances. (Though it would have been nice if, when times improved, she'd put at least some of the money back .)

Would you agree though, that this is really a horrendous thing to do emptying their bank account I mean? Because he doesn's seem to see it as a problem. When he has cash, he is very generous with them re toys and treats etc so I wonder if I am being a bit precious about it? It just seems to me it is their money, especially the third of it that was given to them by other people.

Not good at all. Be very tempted to let the entire family know and say that if they intend to give children money in the future, not to give it through him.

And open new saving a/cs for dcs with only you as the parent signatory.

What a horrible thing to do. And here I am wracked with guilt because I ate one of DD2's easter eggs, with the intention of replacing it, but now there aren't any more in the shop!

No normal moral human being would see it as OK to empty money from their child's bank account for their own selfish use. Especially if it was put there by relatives for the child.

Very, very wrong.

id phone the bank ask them what you can do about it, ie: stop him having access to any childrens accounts and if you can report him to the police.

HE HAS STOLEN from his OWN children?!

I would be livid and i would let him know it dispite wether he was aggressive or not, what a pri*k.

our DS has 3 accounts, one no one can touch until hes 18
and 2 that money can be taken out of if needed, but we have never or will never take his money from him as it is his not ours.

even the £2 coins neighbours or relatives/friends give him get put in the bank next time we are there.

He is a disgusting thief and your lucky to be rid, but don't let him get away with stealing from his DS.

Of course it is a despicable thing to do but I'm not sure what you expect the bank to do about it. He obviously was a signatory on the account and therefore entitled to take money out. Our two dc have bank accounts into which their child benefit is paid. I am the single signatory and occasionally transfer money out to buy children's bonds or invest it somewhere else. The bank don't question whether I am planning on investing it wisely or blowing it all on a spa day. If my dh disagreed with what I had used the money for, it would be up to him to sort out with me, not start demanding that the bank refuse me access to money which I am legally entitled to access.

Given that this man is your EX-dp, I think you will have to draw a line under the whole sorry episode and move on.

if you can't stop him having access to that account open a new one which only you can your ds can sign for.
otherwise he will have no qualms taking money out if the current one even if it wasn't him who put the money in their in the first place.

I would also tell his family or anyone who put money towards your sons account what your darling ex has done.

shameful Cu*t

Oh no! What an unutterable cock ring.

He's sold that phone, BTW. Not lost it.

Just leave that account empty, and start your son a new one. I think that you are going to have to let this go for your own peace of mind, and your own safety. Your best way of looking after your children's interests is probably to safeguard yours and their finances now, so NOTHING is accessible, and to give your daughter a very very old phone to take to her dad's with no credit on it, and allow her to reverse the charges if she needs to speak to you.

If you think you can safely get anywhere with telling his mother how he's stolen his little boy's savings, you could try that.

He'll just say he used the money to buy neccessities for the children/ pay mortgage / something like that. Which IMO is fine. After all, the DC need a roof over their heads now, not whatever silliness an 18 year old may spend it on in the future. To pay gambling debts is somrthing else entirely. I think I'd leave tbh, if he's aggressive when confronted. You say yourself he's generous when flush so it'll come back to the DC in some form. Open another account without only yourself as signatory for any future gifts.

Forget trying to get the money back from him. He sounds like scum and you're well rid.

However, you may be able to get the money back from the bank.

If they account is held in trust with both of you as the trustees then by releasing money without you both signing breaks trust law. I forget the exact wording but when money is held in trust both of the trustees are liable and cannot delegate their responsibility to someone else. Including the other trustee. So, that means both trustees need to sign to get the money out. If the bank have released funds without both of you signing then they may have allowed him to breach the rules on the trust and you might be able to get the money back if you complain.

If the money is held in trust with you as the only trustee and he's taken the funds then the bank should give you the money back.

Can you tell me more about the arrangements for managing the accounts and I might be able to help advise you a little better?

Unfortunately HE opened the account. It is in ds's name c/o him iyswim.

Have already opened another account in my name only though it is for dc.

I am going to tell his parents what he has done but they will find a way to justify it, he is their darling boy after all. He is very plausible.

We were always short of money due to his drinking and gambling issues so this is his reasoning that we needed it now etc. We would not have needed it if he had been decent with money.

I don't actually expect the bank to do anything about it. I suppose I am just having a moan about what a complete arse he is really.

Well if he's the trustee then no, the bank won't be liable.

I'd just get on with living your life with your DC and try not to let his fuckwittery spoil it for you.

He is an arse and you're well rid.