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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pissed off with DH -is this on?

19 replies

higgle · 06/04/2010 15:48

My DH decided to go away for 8 days over Easter and into this week on a long distance walk with several male colleagues. We both work full time and I felt a bit sad we would not have 4 days together at Easter but thought if he wanted to go then I would be accepting, and it is sponsored for charity.

The training for the walk took up days of his time in the run up and I tried to be understanding about that too.

I had the thought that it might be nice to drive over and join him one evening and stay the night, as it is in a really beautiful part of the country and not too far away. He said it was a "Blokes thing" and that would be frowned upon, and also that as the rooms were already booked and they were sharing it would not be possible anyway. I was really sad about this as 8 days is a long time apart for us.

He rang last night for a chat and just dropped into the conversation that one of the other wives had joined them for the day and was staying over!!! He said she had walked with them all day too. When I said I was not happy about what he had said to me earlier he said I wouldn't be able to manage a 20 mile walk anyway - which was a bit of an insult as I'm reasonably fit.

Up to last night I'd felt resigned but very lonely, now I feel really cross that he was not straight with me about this - AIBU?

OP posts:
ChocolatePants · 06/04/2010 15:50

Perhaps he didn't know about the other blokes wife and their plans? Hopefully.

cyb · 06/04/2010 15:51

No YANBU

He says you can' t go because its a blokes weekend then another wife comes along? If it was a 'blokes' time fair enough but the goalposts can't be changed in that case.

Sounds like he's too worried about upsetting his mates over you

itsmeitsmeolord · 06/04/2010 15:51

YANBU, I would be pissed off that after you were told specifically it was a lads thing you are now being told "actually it wasn't but I'm going to make another feeble excuse.

Off with his head.

cyb · 06/04/2010 15:52

I would be arranging a girls weekend toute suite if I was you

Pikelit · 06/04/2010 15:54

No. YANBU. I dislike exclusively "manly" events in principle - experience of Morris Dancers has left me very underwhelmed in this respect. But if things are to be "Blokes Only" then there has to be consistency. Like no women involved. But if other wives have been welcomed I'd be livid as well as rather sad that my husband needed to go missing for 8 days and hadn't been straight about this.

MrsForHowLong · 06/04/2010 15:54

Why oh why are some men such wet blankets? My DH would rather be seen to fit in with otehr men than think 'sod it' and let me go, just like yours. Perhaps he didn't want you there anyway and so the no wives rule was rather convenient, or perhaps he didn't want to upset his friends....either way you're upset and so it's pretty rubbish.

Katisha · 06/04/2010 15:58

It's not on but I wouldn't be surprised if he has no idea (or claims to have no idea) how upsetting you find this and will continue to give you the brush off about it.

traceybath · 06/04/2010 16:00

Perhaps it was meant to be just blokes and he had no idea the other wife was going to turn up?

BuzzingNoise · 06/04/2010 16:02

I bet he didn't know the other man's wife was coming. But, YANBU. I would be pissed off too. I'd expect a bloody good present to make up for that.

higgle · 06/04/2010 16:06

Thanks for the replies - I have tried so hard to be positive about this trip but I have found this development very upsetting. I was planning on a really nice evening to celebrate his return on Friday, but now I think he has chosen to be out of contact for 8 days I'm feeling I don't want to do that.

OP posts:
BuzzingNoise · 06/04/2010 16:09

I wouldn't bother planning anything nice, if I were you.

dexter73 · 06/04/2010 16:26

I would just forget about it and plan a nice evening to celebrate his return. Life is too short for grudges.

higgle · 06/04/2010 16:32

Well it has occurred to me that if I make a fuss about it and give him a hard time then I'm the only one who will be unhappy, he will just think I'm BU.

OP posts:
Katisha · 06/04/2010 16:32

I think the fact that he even told you about the other wife coming shows that he doesn't understand that you would find it upsetting.
He just won't be getting it at all.

Pikelit · 06/04/2010 16:49

I'd carry on with your plans for his homecoming. Apart from anything else, if you cancel then you do yourself out a nice evening. If your DH really had no idea that the other wife would turn up (and this is perfectly possible knowing men and their willocky arrangements), giving him the snubbed silent treatment will make an already unhappy situation worse. If he did know then he's likely to be very much craftier next time he wants to conceal something from you.

OTTMummA · 06/04/2010 18:00

tell him your going to an all girl orgey, and say oh a womans bf will probably turn up, but you can't come because you don't last long enough!
I would be furious beyond belief
YADNBU

higgle · 06/04/2010 18:29

OTTMummA Perfect! you have put a smile back on my face and I have decided to be nice to him when he comes home, and then say that to him, in a teasing manner - he probably won't get the point!

OP posts:
OTTMummA · 06/04/2010 19:05

lol, good

horridhobo · 06/04/2010 19:54

OTTMummA - I just laughed out loud at your reply - absolutely brilliant!!

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