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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about girls nights out?

20 replies

YellowDaffodil · 06/04/2010 14:52

First time posting and I may be being unreasonable, if so feel free to flame. If I'm not what would you do about the situation?

A couple of months ago myself and a few girlfriends arranged a night out and made sure all our DHs, who are also friends, had the date so they didn't make arrangements as obviously they will be looking after DCs.

Due to go out tomorrow and 1 friend I'll call her B has just got in touch to ask what time we are meeting the DHs after our meal. I explained we weren't as they had DC, when I spoke to her last week she mentioned her DH was looking forward to some Daddy and DD time with their 8 month old so she knows the deal and has from day 1! The whole idea was that we did dinner and dancing as the girls.

She left it at that and we chatted a bit more, I then received a text saying that she wanted to go out with her DH as it is difficult getting a babysitter and they want to make the most of it and her DH would speak to my and the other ladies DHs and see if they could meet us wtf?

My DH has now rung to tell me this and have received a negative response B's DH is now going to try the other men.

This has really upset me, if she wants to go out with him then cancel us, its rude as this has been planned for ages but they may want couple time with a young child and they may need it now more than they did when she agreed to a girly night. However I do know they had a sitter twice last week to go out for dinner. My DPs are away for a month, I am an only child and my DMIL is seriously ill, she knows this so I thought the BS about it being hard to get a sitter was thoughless and unnessacary

Should i contact her and tell her I am angry or just ignore it? I think her DH trying to persuade his friends to find alternative arrangements for our kids to hijack our night out is vile behaviour and she is suppoorting it? Plus the DHs had a lads night a couple of weeks ago (again booked in advance)and he was too busy to attend so thats his bad luck isn't it?

Sorry very long and ranty but trying to give all the information.

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 06/04/2010 14:57

how strange.
there are a few of you arent there?
just tell her its a
girls only night but if she wants to go elswhere with her dh you iwll understand..
is she shy or sommat?

megapixels · 06/04/2010 14:58

YANBU. I'd be pretty ticked off too. Why not just uninvite her and the rest of you go on your girly night out? [mean icon]

runnybottom · 06/04/2010 15:04

agree with megapix...I would say "no problem, you have a night out with your DH, the rest of us are going ahead as we'd planned. Maybe we'll call you for the next night out?"

Leave it there. The rude moo.

Mouseface · 06/04/2010 15:08

YANBU - especialy as she knew in advance it was a girls night out

Why can't she just be with the girls? Surely they can get the same sitter again at some point for their DC so the two of them can go out?

I'd tell her. Girls night out does not translate to "where shall we meet our DHs?"

Original poster
YellowDaffodil · 06/04/2010 15:11

We have no intention of cancelling as there are a few of us and date was chosen to fit round shift work etc.
Was just going to say enjoy your night with DH and leave it at that but I am quite offended about the way her and her DH seem to be trying to change everone elses arrangement and wonder if it is spineless or just sensible to just ignore that aspect of it?

OP posts:
Rindercella · 06/04/2010 15:12

YANBU. Would do exactly as runnybottom suggests.

MrsForHowLong · 06/04/2010 15:13

RB's idea is good, short and sweet.

cheesesarnie · 06/04/2010 15:16

id ignore and enjoy the night regardless.you cant make someone do what you want them to do.sounds like shes got wrong end of stick.

if her dp missed a lads night out,could he be the one suggesting this?

Original poster
YellowDaffodil · 06/04/2010 15:26

cheesesarnie - I am pretty sure it is her DH who is pushing this, he does have form for being somewhat selfish. When she went out with other friends pre DD he would phone round all his mates (all already with DC) moaning that he didn't want to stay in by himself and begging them to go to the pub with him. More than once my DH has had to point out to him that it is unreasonable to expect me to stay at home alone (DD in bed) just because his DW has gone out! He never got it.

I guess I am annoyed because she hasn't just said I want to go out with DH so sorry I can't make it. Instead she has supported him trying to change our arrangements. Tis odd.

I am probaly being overly sensitive, it has been known!

OP posts:
Iklboo · 06/04/2010 15:26

Yes it sounds to me like her DH is making the suggestion and getting her to do the texting/asking about 'meeting the DHs'

5DollarShake · 06/04/2010 15:32

YANBU - I'd be miffed.

I'd definitely do as RB says - at the very least it'll get her to admit that they don't want the night to themselves, but to all be involved. Thus defeating the object of the girls' night out.

Her OH sounds like a bit of a buffoon.

cheesesarnie · 06/04/2010 15:34

where are you going and what are you wearing? far more important than whos going,whos not and why!enjoy yourself.

Pikelit · 06/04/2010 15:37

I hate it when people do this! A carefully planned night out with some girlfriends - based around the DH/DPs doing the baby sitting - is not at all the same thing as a rushed get-together before the men arrive.

I hate to use the word but the dynamics go all wrong when this occurs. Along with the evening.

So no, YANBU. Friend clearly has ishoos with a controlling DH but this is no excuse to rearrange the purpose of things for everyone else.

Ineedsomesleep · 06/04/2010 15:42

Go ahead with your night out and ignore it. She may be short of money, feeling fat and fed up or just have terrible sleepers, like I did, and just doesn't fancy the thought of eating a meal while she knows her DD is screaming at home.

I hardly went out for a year or so after having both of mine. My fab friends were there for me when I needed them, and we now go out regularly again.

stealthsquiggle · 06/04/2010 15:48

I would ignore them, IIWY, and cross your fingers that everyone else will do the same. The only alternative would be to ring round the others - but that would turn it into her vs. you, which would be a bad idea.

Original poster
YellowDaffodil · 06/04/2010 15:54

Ineedsomesleep - I don't think its that, she wants to go out just not for the night we've planned. Which is fine (obviously would like her to be there but wouldn't want her to feel forced), just wish there wasn't this odd lets change everyones plans to suit us attitude.

stealthsquiggle - Judging from the emails I have had no-one wants to change plans, we have a table booked and taxis booked etc. Far to much hassle to change now. Will definately not do the ringing round to others, that would be unreasonable on my part.

OP posts:
5DollarShake · 06/04/2010 15:56

Ineedsomesleep - how would any of that be altered if she was out with her DH and a baby-sitter was looking after DD instead of DH?

stealthsquiggle · 06/04/2010 15:59

It sounds like they are getting the same answer from everyone then - so you should go ahead with your evening and ignore them both.

Original poster
YellowDaffodil · 06/04/2010 16:01

Thanks for the advice, I will enjoy the night out and take the moral high ground by not commenting on the odd behaviour!
Thanks

OP posts:
TiggyD · 06/04/2010 16:09

Organising a group of people is never easy. There's always somebody with last minute changes of plans whether it's partners or sickness or changed shifts. Say it's a girls night out and if you can't make it, never mind, there's always next time.

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