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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or a bit precious?

21 replies

3Happy · 04/04/2010 15:38

But am pissed off enough to start my first ever AIBU thread (and in fact post on any thread other than PN one for many a month!)

We had dd 5 weeks ago and she already caught a cold off her big brothers when she was a week old. The cold also gave ds1 tonsilitis and really bad earache so that he was up over night crying in pain, which was hard work when you're up all night with a baby.

Then dh had a weekend on call (vet) and, at this time of year, was very busy and called out a lot. So he and I went down with the cold too. Then ds2, followed by ds1 got a vomiting bug and were up through the night - including dd being attached to my boob at the same time as ds2 was being poorly at the same time as dh was called out to a lambing.

All a bit stressful, but we've managed. But we were due at ILs today for easter dinner, and I suggested dh phone out of courtesy to let PiL as well as his brother, Sil and their two know that ours had had gastro just to be sure they were happy for us still to come.

Oh it's fine by them, apparently, because not only has their sone had a nasty cold that's gone to his ear, but they had to stop several times on the way down yesterday as their daughter kept having diarrhoea. And they weren't going to bother telling us.

I threw a strop and said we were not exposing the kids to any more bugs - I can't cope with being up at night feeding the baby and dealing with the dses having diarrhoea while dh is out on calls, I just can't. I think he thinks I'm being precious. Am I?

OP posts:

moondog · 04/04/2010 15:40

Eh?
So it's ok for you to take your recuperating kids but not them?

traceybath · 04/04/2010 15:41

No you're not. I would totally avoid anyone with gastro stuff until they'd been clear for 48 hours - especially when you've got a new baby.

I've got 2 ds's and then a dd and is fab but exhausting

Original poster

3Happy · 04/04/2010 15:43

Moondog - no, I was never keen on us taking boys who had been poorly to ILs which is precisely why I made dh phone in the first place.

Tracey - thanks, definitely fab, definitely exhausting!

OP posts:

moondog · 04/04/2010 15:46

But you phoned to check if they were ok with it which suggests that if they were, you would have gone?

I don't think you can or should shield kids form everyday bugs.

BuzzingNoise · 04/04/2010 15:47

I think it was considerate of you to phone to check it was ok, but I think most people would not have bothered, just your in-laws. To be honest, there sound like there are so many germs floating around within your family, that a few more wouldn't have mattered!
You say that yours had gastro already, so I don't see how someone else having it would have made much difference.

traceybath · 04/04/2010 15:47

But Moondog - 3 has a tiny baby 2 other children who've had a run of bugs. I personally in that situation would avoid someone who had a gastro bug.

I don't think its being precious and if baby was a bit older and you weren't so exhausted am sure you'd probably make a different decision.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 04/04/2010 15:50

Timing is everything, I think you could just do with a couple of days break to get you're immune systems back on a level.

If she had diaorhea on the way there then she is very much actively ill, not recuperating.

personally with a 5 week old I would and have avoid(ed)

StrawberriesAndCherries · 04/04/2010 15:51

No you are not being precious, diarrhoea is bad enough in an adult but in a tiny baby is an awful thing.

And they had to stop "several times" poor little girl must be feeling really ill

Original poster

3Happy · 04/04/2010 15:51

Because dh wanted us to go, and also because - under normal circumstances - we aren't people who hermetically seal our kids off from every bug going. Kids get ill, that's life. But these aren't normal circumstances, I would NEVER let parents of a newborn come into our house knowing full well our kids were ill without warning them first and leaving it up to them to decide, and especially not if I knew they had had 5 weeks of particularly hard times due to illness/work. Fair enough if you don't agree though, that's what these threads are about!

OP posts:

Alouiseg · 04/04/2010 15:53

Yadnbu.

posieparker · 04/04/2010 15:54

My dss, well all of us in the end, had a gastro bug and because they both have children in their classes who have tiny babies in their families I made them stay off the whole 48plus hours. One sick on Sunday eve would have been allowed back on Tuesday but I was extra vigilant.

Selfish and stupid.

thumbchick · 04/04/2010 15:56

definitely not being precious, being sensible imo.

your DH is being a bit silly about it and your ILs are just thoughtless. My sis is like your ILs - never crosses her mind to warn anyone of the state of health of her 3 DDs and they quite frequently have colds/tummy bugs - never stopped her going round my parents' house, even when parents were ill themselves. In fact, both parents ended up having colds on and off all bloody winter because they were just cycling between the DGDs and my parents

VotingBlue · 04/04/2010 15:56

I think a new born baby holds the trump card and YANBU.

5 weeks is still very little and very susceptible to catching things.

Stay at home and let DH take the boys.

Original poster

3Happy · 04/04/2010 15:57

Tracey, Doris - that's it exactly. Would mind less about exposure to bugs if dd dwas older and esp if we hadn't already had so much illness. Plus I suspect their gastro bug is a different variety - causing the squits, whereas ds' bug was vomit only (charming!) and can't help feeling the boys' immune systems aren't at top notch just now. So maybe I'm only partially precious

OP posts:

thumbchick · 04/04/2010 16:03

nah, seriously, not precious at all!
hope you get to stay at home after all and not expose anyone to extra bugs.

Original poster

3Happy · 04/04/2010 16:09

Thank you I feel slightly less wibbly now. Sleep deprivation, it's a killer!

OP posts:

MintHumbug · 04/04/2010 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yummumto3girls · 04/04/2010 16:21

I agree avoid with baby, sounds like her immune system is already suffering, as are you so why put yourself in the position of getting any more bugs.

Posieparker - if your DC was sick on Sunday eve then should not have gone back to school until Wednesday NOT Tuesday.

Nemofish · 04/04/2010 17:01

I would have done the same, 3Happy.

Used to get very annoyed with dsd's mum when dd was very little, she would send dsd to us with all sorts, including, on one memorable occasion, measles. Ta muchly.

Reggiee · 04/04/2010 19:00

Deffo NBU. Sounds like you need some tlc too - hope the lo's all get better soon.

Original poster

3Happy · 04/04/2010 19:29

Thanks all x Here's hoping for a sick-free night (and no measles )

OP posts:

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