To want to celebrate Easter/Christmas/birthdays...

[stroppycow]

...without having to cater for every bugger and their dog?

Every single celebratory day is spent cooking for hoards of people, getting no help then having to clean up after. Dh tends to go into introvert mode and does not speak as does BIL who is just an arse and leaves his plate on the ground, does not utter a single word and possibly needs a kick in the testicles. It gets stressful.

Same today except everything went wrong and I'm still hovering around the cooker.

Am I being unreasonable to leave a sign on the gate saying 'GO AWAY' (but leave any eggs or chocolate).
Am truly truly fed up.

YANBU just don't invite anyone next time. Make plans to go out, visit someone else, whatever.

YANBU.

MY DH sounds the same as yours. We moved into a new home last christmas with no oven so I found a pub that would give us Christmas lunch for £38 per head. DH worked out the total for 4 of us then said "for that much, you can do six christmas lunches at home. I'll get you a cooker and we can have lunch at home." So on the one christmas I thought I might get a day off cooking, good ol' DH found a way around it so that I could spend the day shackled to the oven. Isn't he kind?!

I've told him thatthis year, we are hiring out a cottage between us all and we are all chipping in.

I kicked every bugger one out of the house today. I am spending the day, with the flu, but also slowly tidying up. Also dh went to the football yesterday so he was child free from 1pm till he came home full of beers at 10 pm. I had the flu and the kids. Easter Sunday or not. Mum is on strike.

I have the opposite problem - I love cooking and having people round but dp stresses about mess and too much washing up etc.

A happy medium would be so nice, wouldn't it?

I felt quite lonely until I read your replies.

Dh has said next time he would take them all out but balked at the cost. I have pointed out that it is about on par with getting food in, cooking it and the hours spent doing it.

EllieBing - YANBU to share all the work with the others if they are willing.

Our visitors are child free and almost expect a maid service. I really resent it but am too polite to say anything as I love my SIL but thinks she lives a very charmed life.

Why do they all come to you? Do you not have a choice over this?

Say "We'll come to you this time, it's about your turn."

Or say "Right, I'll do the dinner, you bring us a lovely pudding."

Or say "while I'm sorting the kitchen, you lay the table and you serve the drinks. Ta."

Or even "we're going away this easter / christmas / birthday"

Point is, don't do it if you don't enjoy it. They can expect what they like, you've got a gob, haven't you? Don't suffer it and feel resentful. Be assertive. Take control. Say no.

Why do you invite them?

They are the only (living) family and neither dh nor myself have ever invited them.

Have decided to say something to bil as he is the main problem by ignoring us all (reading the paper or taking a book). His wife seems to run after his every whim and that grates.

It is my sil's family home. They live quite far from us and it is too costly and problematic getting everyone ready to visit them. We did once but they live in a beautiful small flat and the children wanted to touch things. Bil never spoke to us then. He has not spoken to us for 15 years - not through an argument or anything, he is just an ignorant man.

The 'gob' thing might be my undoing as I have shut up through politeness to my sil but I have pmt and am tired so it is possible that today is the day bil gets the knee in the testes.

I think you need to stand up for yourself.

If you havent invited them then why are they at your house?

YADNBU - but I would echo others and say don't have them. Even if you don't invite them, it's obviously understood that they turn up and you cater for them, am I right? You have to be clear, first with DP and then with them. It is not so hard to say "this year at Christmas, it's just us, DP" and he needs to make it clear to the BIL and SIL.

YANBU, It drives me crazy too.
MIL actually Cried because we wouldn't stay with them from Christmas eve onto Boxing day. Used her brother dying as blackmail and everything. A visit on the day wasn't enough.

Same lady showed up yesterday morning and told my DC's (who are too young to understand really what she meant anyway, but still) that i was bad for not rolling eggs with them ( in the rain and hail).

It's quite sad really, every christmas/birthday/occasion, if we want to celebrate as a family we need to do it on a different day, and keep it hushed.

Our kitchen is tiny, and on ds 2nd birthday, my dp's sister showed up for the 'party'(which was meant to be close family for an hour with nibbles) with 3 of her pals. gah. I feel your pain.

rant over.

YADNBU I have this issue, but it will not be as my dh sister and her dh and kids are going to live abroad with FIL/MIL. Every celebration birthdays/Christmas/Easter MIL/FIL SIL,BIL and their respective partners and kids like to be all together as a family whether its at mine or Sil house. This Christmas was going to be at mine, but I just did not feel like it, so i said its just us this Christmas and everyone seemed fine with that, and for New Year celebrations were at my sIL house which was good. Sometimes you do have to be assertive or people will walk over you.

What would happen if you just refused to do it, and sweetly handed the apron to your dh?

YABU to invite people and then moan about having to cater for them, same as all the folk who agree to visit rellies and then moan about it. You're an adult, if you don't want to invite people then don't, same re visiting. Just say "we're having a quiet Easter/xmas this year" and visit/cater for who you want when you want. Being a martyr is totally unnecessary. It sounds as though your DH doesn't want the visitors either so don't bother.