Am i being a bit pfb about this?

[mummysgoingmad]

Ok i'll try and keep this short. The little boy and my ds are the around the same age - 16 months.
Every time my neighbour and her ds come upstairs my little boy gets really upset. The little boy downstairs has been hitting for a while and always hits my ds, so i think he might be scared of him. Now all the little boy has do to is open his mouth and my ds crys and puts his hands over his ears.

They are two very different children, my ds is fascinated the way an object can sound different on different surfaces. he thinks about everything he does before he does it like getting off the bed. The little boy downstairs is really clumsy, he always has a new bruise on his face, he doesnt really play with toys he bangs them and throws them and is quite hyper. ( i feel i'm not doing a very good job at explaining this)

my question is, i don't know if i should let my ds play with him anymore as he gets really upset.

WWYD mumsnet masses?? would you continue this playtime nightmare, would stand by and watch another little boy hit your child?

I know my ds has to learn to stand up for himself, but i feel its too early for that

no a smack on the bum, i watched her do it yesterday, her ds didn't cry, so he must be used to it. she said that one day her hand was stinging from hitting him but he didn't cry. If i did report it to the hv would it stay annoymous?

Her hand was STINGING from hitting him,fucking hell thats awful,def ring your hv dont leave your name but please ring.

If you dont want to i bloody will for you.

She needs some help . I don't live in the UK and so don't understand about HVs but you should get her some help. Poor woman.

Also, I'd stay away. I wouldn't want my DS witnessing a parent hitting their child repeatedly.

To be fair a bum with a nappy on it might hurt you more than him, a baby of 16 months would still cry even if used to it if it hurt him if you see what I mean.
But a call to the HV does sound advisable she lost control at 16 months god help her at 2 yrs.

I had a friend whose son was mean to my DD. In the end we agreed it was probably best not to meet up as they couldn't play nicely together. But they were both as bad as each other tbh. It wasn't long before things changed as they both grew and could play together again if they wanted. But we were honest and open about it all.

Personally I would try intervening myself in a careful way with the child, before deciding to stop seeing them with the children. It would depend on the parent and what they were like, to what I would choose to do though, but if they were a good friend they'd be fine if I intervened in a sensitive way (at least my friends would ). Probably so they could sit and drink their cuppa for a minute.

You're not being pfb though, it's upsetting when someone hurts your child. Especially if they're a gentle and thoughtful child.

Either way be honest with them in a careful thought out way about the situation if possible IMO. Rather than trying to avoid them. It could be they're also embarrassed by it - but not sure about how to deal with it, are frustrated and overeact with smacking. It's a tricky time with toddlers, if you're unfortunate enough to have a child that is spirited (I have one myself) it can be hard. They probably ought to have a chat with their HV about the childs behaviour for some ideas and maybe go on a suretstart course as well. But that probably wouldn't go down well recommended by you

Perhaps meeting at a mums and tots group locally is a better solution for example. Rather than at home? Does that make sense?

Sorry it's a bit disjointed but those are my initial rambling thoughts. If you value their friendship a compromise and perhaps an alternate venue is an idea? They could probably do with getting out, if their child is causing trouble at home? Do the child good as well to blow off some steam elsewhere?

Thanks takecakeplease thats great advice