Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found out that ds1 went out in car with too many passengers and no seat belt.....

55 replies

DrZeus · 04/04/2010 00:30

Found out from ds1 (8) that he went in friends mums car today without a seatbelt on. He had gone to a playcentre and was gone for some time. He only mentioned the car over dinner this evening. Apparently there were too many in the back of the car and they were squashed in. I don't believe there was a booster seat either. I'm really concerned (and pretty pee'd off too) if this was the case. AFAIK it's illegal to carry passengers without seatbelts done up. Not sure how to bring it up with friends mum tho'. DH would have quite happily taken ds to playcentre in our car had we known it was an issue.

OP posts:
Mummy2LZ · 04/04/2010 00:35

I would be very peed off if it was my child.
YANBU
Did you know they were going to the playcentre?
Not sure how I would bring it up with her though.
Perhaps give her a ring and say DS mentioned it and you were concerned??

Original poster
DrZeus · 04/04/2010 00:39

I came in from the supermarket and dh said that friends mumhad popped round to invite ds out and the had left about half an hour before I got back. Dh was with ds2 at home. I'm getting cross just thining about it now. I'm goig to have to mention it somehow in case itcould happen again (which it won't as I'll veto future trips out).

OP posts:
Original poster
DrZeus · 04/04/2010 00:40

Thinking oops. Typing on iPhone!

OP posts:
Mummy2LZ · 04/04/2010 00:47

I would def say something and you are right to check out any future trips - Peed off on your behalf.
Good luck with talking to other mum.

outnumbered2to1 · 04/04/2010 00:48

no YANBU i have gone off at my father for not taking the car seat i had left in parent's front hall to pick up my DS2 from nursery when i had to go to Docs appointment.....

I bought an extra booster seat to keep in the car just in case i need to give any of DS1's classmates a lift anywhere.

Original poster
DrZeus · 04/04/2010 08:24

We've got 2 full sized seats and I got 2 boosters for my car and in case I have to give anyone else a lift. Irresponsible to me.

OP posts:
hatwoman · 04/04/2010 08:37

in part it sounds like it was your dh's responsibility to check out the car arrangements. If dds get a lift anywhere I'll always ask before, I'll offer to lend a booster seat and/or offer to drive as well. it might, however, be the case that arrangements changed for some un-predictable reason - maybe someone else who was originally also going to drive was called away for some reason? in which case this mum should have called around for help, rather than cramming them all in. if you mention it do so in a gentle way - as you don't know the circumstances. if you get a response that indicates she sees nothing wrong then you know not to trust her. but if she at least seems to realise it was a bad choice then you can say "next time give me a ring and I'll come and help. I really don;t like taking risks like that"

morningpaper · 04/04/2010 08:46

It was up to your DH to sort this out. Why did he bundle your DS into a car without checking or giving him a seat to take with him?

Don't mention it to the mum - just tell your DH to check next time.

brimfull · 04/04/2010 08:57

yup your dh saw him off to friends car
he should have checked

CantSleepWontSleep · 04/04/2010 09:13

I would absolutely mention it to her. Sure your dh shouldn't have put him in without a seat, but as the driver she was the one very much in the wrong. I would be LIVID.

morningpaper · 04/04/2010 09:20

What's the point? You'll just annoy her, she'll feel angry and then you'll have lost a friend. You've already decided not to let him travel in her car again. Why make her angry as well? Life's too short.

CantSleepWontSleep · 04/04/2010 09:51

the point is that she needs to understand how wrong and dangerous it is, so that she doesn't put anyone else's life in danger in the future.

Shaz10 · 04/04/2010 09:55

I wouldn't say anything but I'm a wuss. I would just refuse to let him in the car, or if she offered I would ask if she had a spare booster seat. Pointedly. But like I said, I'm a wuss.

thesecondcoming · 04/04/2010 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

damnedchilblains · 04/04/2010 10:11

I'm with the others who think your dh should have said something, he is as much to blame. Make sure he's aware of it so that if the same thing happens he'll check.

Also I don't think it's necessary to veto trips, just ask her if she has enough booster seats for them all, and mention that ds told you last time he wasn't wearing a seatbelt and your not very happy about that. So if she hasn't got enough seats in the back you would prefer to take him and pick him up yourself just in case. Try the whole "not saying you would but if somebody crashed into you and all the children were not wearing seatbelts it would be pretty horrific - don't you think?". Hopefully she'll get the point.

YANBU by the way, completely negligent of her and of course against the law!

bidibidi · 04/04/2010 10:14

I wouldn't expect to have to check up on other parent's car seat arrangements -- actually, it would feel a bit interfering & patronising if I was giving a lift, and someone came over and said "I just have to check you only have as many children as seats and that they all have the right child restraint devices for their height and age and..."

so I don't think OP's DH is at fault at all.

Besides, what if he glanced in casual like without saying anything, and it all looked fine, but then the mum giving a lift got a phone call & as a result went and picked up 3 more kids? Seems to be the parent who gave the lift is overwhelmingly responsible. I would just tell her I wasn't comfortable with it, please don't again.

My previous neighbours used to do this all the time.... I wouldn't dream of telling them what to do, but no, I wouldn't have been happy for DC to travel with them either.

rainbowinthesky · 04/04/2010 10:15

DD was given a lift back to our house once from a friend's (she's 6) and I assumed she'd be put in a car seat and wasn't. I havent said anything but there is no way she'll be going with this friend in a car again.
I never take dcs friends in car without seatbelt and/or car seats.

Fel1x · 04/04/2010 10:29

If your friend came to your house and asked if Ds wanted to go with them and your DH said 'yes fine' and happily sent him off crammed into the car with no seat belt then I say its entirely down to your DH! sorry
If on the other hand your DH left them at the door and honestly didnt see there was no room in the car then I'd mention it next time you see your friend that your DH hadnt realised there was not enough room/seatbelts in her car when DS went in it and you would have been happier if she'd mentioned it so that DH could have dropped DS off at the soft play instead.

frasersmummy · 04/04/2010 10:35

Having too many kids in the back meaning some are unrestrained is very very wrong, so many what ifs
I would call her and play the whole ds said this.. I thought I should check the whole story. We dont want him spreading stories that make you look bad when they are not true

Giving a 6 year old a lift home without a car seat to me is not as big a deal imho. If tthey were in the back and had a seatbelt on for a short journey then I would consider that ok

If I was taking anyone's kid out in the car then I would call and say we are going here.. they will travel in the front/back with/without seat and let the parent decide

Helium · 04/04/2010 12:25

Damned chilblains made a good comment and useful phrase to use. However I would be LIVID LIVID LIVID. Although I can see the point as to whether its worthwhile bringing this up and potentially losing a friend - well I would question as to how much you want an IDIOT/twunt etc like that to be your friend anyway and what other risks they take too.

morningpaper · 04/04/2010 12:39

I would say about half the parents I am in contact with are lax about car seats

If I lectured all of them I would have no friends

sarah293 · 04/04/2010 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thelittlebluepills · 04/04/2010 12:46

morning paper - it's not about lecturing all OPs friends - it's about the one who took her DS out and didn't use a car seat

I am openly obsessive about car seat safety - ok if they haven't got a spare seat but to not be strapped in at all??

regardless of whether it's DH's job to check or not I would be on the phone now to clarify the situation (check this is what actually happened) then make it quite clear how upset I was

what if this situation arose again only this time there was an accident? could anyone ever forgive themselves for not having raised the issue just because they didn't want to create a fuss??

we have an obligation to safeguard our children. carseats and seatbelts are there for a reason.

MadamDeathstare · 04/04/2010 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DrZeus · 04/04/2010 13:47

I'm not blaming DH at all. DS's friend lives down the road so DH didn't see the car before they left. I'm shocked it happened. I always make sure that I have appropriate seating/seatbelt arrangement whenever I take any of their friends. Seems I will pick the right moment to ask friend's mum.
Thanks for all your comments and feedback.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread