to be furious with MIL for not heeding our fire safety advice?

[chicaguapa]

MIL and SFIL use their back door for everything and the front door is always locked. We have spoken to them in the past about how their only escape route is through the kitchen and that 90% of fires start in the kitchen blah blah. Their front door keys and window keys are kept in the kitchen, which they wouldn't be able to get to if there was a fire in there. So we have said they need to put the front door keys where they can access them in an emergency. So they agreed to do this, didn't actually do it, so then we insisted that they did it the next time DC went to stay.

Fast forward to today. They are out with DC, DH needs to open the front door, goes to where there are supposed to be front door keys... no keys. So then a very annoyed DH checked the smoke alarm and the battery was dead.

On the one hand I understand that it's up to them if they want to be unsafe etc, but DC regularly come to stay during the holidays without us. I'm actually really upset that all this time they haven't been safe when we thought they had been.

WYYD?

Wouldn't let DC stay there. Simple.

That should read WWYD?

Should also add that there is absolutely 100% no other way out the house if you couldn't get out the kitchen, as the upstairs windows are all locked too.

I wouldn't let DC stay there.

Very stupid of them. There is a real 'it would never happen to me' culture about things like fire and the fitting/checking of smoke alarms.

I used to always leave the front door unlocked (just on the latch)when we were in for that reason. Then we were burgled whilst in the house....Police made me feel very stupid that I'd put fire saftey ahead of security I can tell you.

We asked them about it when they came back and apparently the keys are at a neighbour's. I'm really angry. How would they have felt if there'd been a fire when DC were staying and they were all trapped?

YANBU. I sleep with my full set of keys (front door, back door & window keys) on my bedside table at night as a fireman advised me it was the safest thing to do. Maybe get some leaflets on fire safety from your local Fire Station and see if they have a fire safety officer that can come out to give them an evaluation of how safe their house is and how they could improve it. If they pay no heed to that then I agree with other posters that you'll have to stop your DCs staying over.

I would change the battery in the smoke alarm and tell them loudly you had done so (or get your dh too) then I would get dh to ask where the key was and perhaps even nail it where you agreed

Sort out the smoke alarm, but that's as far as I'd go with this.

OK, it's not the safest home, but if they are otherwise good GP's, then leave it.

How old are your DC? Mine are very good at nagging on how things "should" be. If they had seen a fire saftey video, about how keys need to be handy at all times, they would nag GPs until they were - somehow my parents take much more notice of that than of my nagging!

DC are 8 & 5 but I won't be mentioning it to them as the visit from the firemen at school kept DD awake at night for weeks as apparently 'fires can start even in the safest houses'.

Fortunately we are moving too far away for DC to come and stay on their own in the future so we just need to make sure we are safe when we come to stay.

But it's a good idea to send the local fire station round as that might make them take it a bit more seriously for their own sakes and not just DC.

YANBU to feel worry-and i would be worry about them aswell, not only my DCs.

But you cant dictate how other people live (even so you are right about the risks). You can only do that with paid childcare not with unpaid help.

I do sympathise however, i would worry too. In fact if i didn't trust them at home then i wouldn't trust them at outings either i.e. carseats, seaside etc.

You know what Chicaquapa, you have just opened my eyes on something, I would never in a million years thought of checking fire alarm/escape procedure at any house my Dcs have stayed in .

(I do check the alarms in my house though)

They know our thoughts on car seats and we're ok with all that now. Finally got there in the end! And they are now very overcautious in that respect. And luckily DC are both in boosters so much easier for everyone.

I don't normally check escape routes as a rule, but it's just really really obvious at MIL's that there is no other way out except through the kitchen. Not only that but there are TWO locked doors to get through if you wanted to get out another way as there's also a porch.

YANBU
my brother is a fireman and before we moved into new house he came to "inspect it" - his words not mine.

I always keep my front door locked but keys are on hook on back of door so easily accessible for me in emergency (but not for mr burglar!!). Same with back door.

Brother also made me walk through our escape plan and helped me set up a second plan should first one be blocked. it sounds like a lot of bollox but i'd rather have a plan i never needed to use than to need one and not have one....

I live in the US and am thinking perhaps UK locks are different than I am used to. Do you have to unlock your doors from the inside with a key? From the inside? I've never seen a lock like that...our deadbolts always have a switch handle to turn on the inside of the house, and only unlock with a key from the outside.

If I understand correctly, that sounds so incovenient and potentially dangerous in a situation such as you describe. If I were in your situation I would be livid and my children would not being going to stay there anymore.

I know 2 people who have had fires recently. One was nearly killed, year off work. The other was killed at the house, straightaway. Smoke inhalation. Neither had working smoke alarms, age 16. One thing I did learn; when your house and lungs are full of smoke, it is very difficult to find out where you are, and where the exit is that you need to get to.

If you have a fire, you need to get out fast and with poor visibiliy. Hence the phrase, 'Fire Exit, Keep Clear.'

yanbu.

Banana - MIL's house is an old house and the door needs unlocking with a key if it has been locked with a key. But there are different types of locks. Some front doors have a latch that can be opened from the inside without a key.

I'm going to arrange for the local fire station to visit them. I've checked and they do it.

YANBU, Their house sounds like mine, we don't use the front door at all as it opens straight into the living room so it is always locked. however I am a little nuts about fire safety (currently waiting for firemen to come do their safety check as we have recently moved in). I keep the keys at the bottom of the stairs (inbetween the kitchen and the living room so if there is a fire, we can go either way.

I wouldn't let my dc's stay there until they promised to change things.

Outnumbered "I always keep my front door locked but keys are on hook on back of door so easily accessible for me in emergency"

What happens if the fire is blocking your back door?

OP sounds like a good idea to get the firemen round there.

If I have read it correctly, the keys are on the back of the door (i.e. on a hook on the back of the front door), not on the back door, IYSWIM.

Statistically 1.5 people die a year due to burgularies and hundreds die each year due to fires.
I always put fire safety above security.
I wouldnt let my dc stay there.

YANBU, I would tell your MIL/FIL your concerns and if they do not want to rectify it dont have your dcs stay plain and simple. That way that might give them more incentive to do something about their fire safety. Both My back and front doors are unlocked during the day, at night we lock both, but i sleep with my front door keys on my bedside table beside me.