AIBU to be arsed at the boyf?

[SJ80]

I have been seeing my boyfriend since valentines day and I have known since then as it was being discussed as he was chatting me up he was also chatting another girl up, and they agreed to do a Rally together. But we ended up getting together and he is still doing the rally with her? I am still arsed obviously if we were together and he suddenly decided he was doing a rally with another sinlge female I would have a bit more of a right to say 'hmm not really happy with that to be honest' but as it was agreed just before I don't really have a say. I have told him how I feel and he understands but he has now paid for it and doesn't want to let the other girl down.

It is not so much the potentialness for cheating, if he wants to cheat there is not much i can do about it, but he will be spending 24/7 with a single girl when we dont get to see each other much as it is. And also I am just as much of a petrol header as she is (if not more) and this is a petrol headers dream holiday..he should want to do it with me and spend the time with me.

I just cant see me getting past my feelings about this and can only see one solution which iis to break up before the Rally and if things dont happen with the other girl to pick up where we left off after but that just sounds stupid.

And I am aware I sound like a belong in a playground but I am really bothered by it. Its quite insulting and embarresing to me to say BF is off on a Rally with another woman.

So, AIBU?

I think breaking up would be U. Can't you just trust him? Doesn't sound like there will be much time for cheating, and presumably there will be other rallies you can do with him?

YABabitU.. He had agreed this before, not since you got together. You have to trust him if you are going to be together (and that doesn't mean joined at the hip). THere'll be rallies in the future that you two can go on. If there's any hints that he has been playing away, then there's time to deal with that (if and) when it happens. As for being embarrassing, being able to say that you trust your bf is surely far more credit to you than saying you have to have him with you 24/7?

As I said its not so much the cheating, if he wants to cheat he will cheat another time. Its the spending a whole week with someone he was potentially trying to date previously and enjoying basically what is a petrolheaders dream holiday with someone else when he could do it with me.

Why would he want to go with someone else?

Yanbu
so he is basically going on holiday with another woman, a single one at that?

I would relax a bit. before I got together with DH I agreed to go down to see the solar eclipse with a male friend (well, ex really!) DH wasn't sure what to think when I told him I was going away with X for 3 days, but he said nothing. I missed him like crazy, told X about him (whereupon he refused to speak to me, even though we were supposed to be just friends by now!), had a miserable time and couldn't wait to get back to see now DH who had missed me too, was worried I would go off with X, happy reunion, happily ever after (so far!) Try not to worry too much!

Had DH said he didn't want me to go, I would have been cross and gotten defiant. If he had broken up with me over it I would have been cross that he was being petty. I liked the fact he took it in his stride and trusted me.

I dont have to have him 24/7 because of circumstances i only get to see him once a week if that, which means he would probably be spending more time in total with her that he has in the past two month with me.

I think people need to tell me IABU as I am not going to get past it other wise

OK Thats nice to hear from that perspective Joolyjoolyjoo

but I am also one for self preservation and lets face it if someone is going to spend an entire week with someone in car they are either going to get really close or ending up killing each other.

Well tbh I don't think you are being that unreasonable! Is this girl's holiday/finances dependent on your BF going too? In which case I can see why he wouldn't want to let her down, but really! A whole week? I'm quite surprised that she wants him to go as well, now he's seeing someone else, unless she has either a) never had designs on him or b) still has designs on him.

Of course it is up to him what he does about it but it's a bit of a risk.

However - if you do break up with him beforehand you are giving him carte blanche to do what he likes on the week away, so that would be a really bad move.

I wouldn't be happy with this at all, tbh.

Yeah they have paid for the rally and bought a banger car specifically so he would be and she would be at financial loss. And I have said I understand this and he understands how I feel but there doesn't seem to be any solution. He could end up with her wether I break up with him or not. Even if he doesn't am arsed he has spent that time with someone else when it could have been spent with me seen as we have so little time together.

His idea for a resolution was that me and him to a travel thing together beforehand and it be bigger and better but he would still be going on the rally with this other girl.

I hate this crap this is why I stay single lol

I do understand that you are peed off at missing that time with him, but it might be a defining point for your relationship. It seems to be pretty much a done deal, even before you and he got together, so there's not really a lot to be done about it (although noone is saying you have to like it!)

Hopefully he will go away with this girl, wish he was with you, she will get on his nerves and he will come home determined to never go anywhere without you ever again

OK, yes, I suppose it could go the other way, but there's little point in thinking like that. Let him go graciously (after all, he doesn't know what you might be getting up to while he's gone, does he?) Make sure you have some other girly nights or friends to visit to make the time go quicker and then when he comes back the whole issue will be done and dusted and you can move on.

I was on the phone to DH the second I got away from X at the train station!