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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to think ex-p should of got this seen to??

24 replies

mumatron · 03/04/2010 16:15

could get a bit long, sorry in advance.

dc's have been with their dad since wed. spoke to them on thurs. on phone dd(5) says '' if i come home with a plaster on my finger dont worry its just a bit sore''

I assume she has cut/grazed it and dont think anymore of it. she said it wasnt hurting. spoke to ex he didnt even mention it.

pick them up today and her finger is twice its normal size and full of puss.

ex's gf says to me, oh you might want to take her to the docs on tues. we tried to drain it but it came back. tuesday?? are they blind??

have taken her to A&E and gotten her some antibiotics and they have drained it. took 30 mins.

have text him from hospital to tell what a twat i think he is an irresponible father he is, and he had the cheek to say it was already like it wednesday when i dropped them off

this is just the latest is a huge long line of fuck ups on his part and i have put a stop to the dc's going there for the time being.

aibu to think that if your daughters hand is twice the normal size and full of puss, she cant bend it and is in screaming agony when you touch it, you should get it seen too immediately?

well done if you got to the end of that one!

OP posts:

ConnorTraceptive · 03/04/2010 16:18

YANBU he is a total twat, any infection needs seeing to sooner rather than later.

I'd be furious

TottWriter · 03/04/2010 16:21

YANBU. At ALL

So glad for your DD that she has at least one parent prepared to look after her properly. I'd have been tempted in a small recess of my mind to pack the puss in a plastic bag and post it to him.

Original poster

mumatron · 03/04/2010 16:23

connor exactly! he lives tn minutes away from the hospital.

trottwriter how very tempting. will keep that in mind for any future problems.

OP posts:

Original poster

mumatron · 03/04/2010 16:36

and i should also apologise for shockingly bad spelling. typing in anger is not good!

OP posts:

FabIsGettingThere · 03/04/2010 16:54

Yes, he should have got it sorted out but you also should have asked more questions and not made assumptions.

Original poster

mumatron · 03/04/2010 17:01

true fab but i asked her did it hurt anymore, she said no. i dont think i should always assume that every little bump/graze will get infected.

ex saysshe hurt it on thurs afternoon, he doesn't know how, swelling and pain started when she went to bed that night and he tried draining pus out of it on fri.

plenty of chemists open today he could of asked.

OP posts:

FabIsGettingThere · 03/04/2010 17:46

Of course, you shouldn't assume every graze will get infected but it was only your assumption it was a graze. A happy medium between you (quite cool and relaxed about these sort of things) and me (whose mil used to ring and say if dd fell and grazed her knee and I gave her the third degree that dd was okay) would be good.

The main thing is your dd has been treated and hopefully will soon be okay and maybe next time she could be less brave and say exactly what has happened.

Your ex is still a prat.

Original poster

mumatron · 03/04/2010 18:58

well, tbh fab i domt think they will be going for a while anyway. they are both determined that they dont want to go again so we shall see. its not the first time they have said it so we shall see.

OP posts:

FabIsGettingThere · 03/04/2010 19:45

That is your call and if you feel their father can't look after them properly then they shouldn't go.

Original poster

mumatron · 03/04/2010 19:50

tbh its not just that. they are not enjoying their time with him. worse than that, they are continually coming home upset. today was just a step too far.

i would much rather they go as planned but if they tell me they dont want to i dont feel like i can make them go.

i feel sorry for their father but he knows how they feel and he will not change things.

OP posts:

RunawayWife · 03/04/2010 19:52

YANBU he should have taken his child to the Dr/Emergency room as soon as it swelled up.
Poor little girl

FabIsGettingThere · 03/04/2010 20:02

You are right not to make them go.

I never had any say in going to see my mother.

I never had any say in anything while growing up.

Children need to be listened too and heard.

DebiNewberry · 03/04/2010 20:06

He says it was like it on Wednesday when you dropped them off, but says she hurt it on Thursday? eh?

Original poster

mumatron · 03/04/2010 20:07

i had a similar experience with my dad when i was growing up. nobody ever asked me.

I think at aged 9 and 5 they are old enough to be listened to.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 03/04/2010 20:08

is there a court order?

Original poster

mumatron · 03/04/2010 20:10

exactly debi he is just trying to shift the blame onto me.

the man is a loon.

OP posts:

Lonnie · 03/04/2010 20:10

are you being resonable to feel he should have got the finger sorted 100% yes he should have sorted it

are you being UNresonable deciding that they can no longer go because of this 100% YES NOT your call that is their dad if you feel he is not capable of looking after them to see a solicitor start legal proceedures to get this dealt with legally but do NOT make it your decision where HIS AND YOUR children can be..

YES He should have dealt with it and He is an idiot for not but dont make the same mistake and be stupid in how you deal with it go the right route

Original poster

mumatron · 03/04/2010 20:11

no tbb no court order, just a verbal agreement.

OP posts:

Original poster

mumatron · 03/04/2010 20:15

lonnie i dont want them to stop going. they have decided for their own reasons they would not like to go anymore. for a number of reasons, including, for dd, the fact that she was very scared about her finger this morning and she felt like he didnt care about her.

in all honesty my life would be so much easier if they didnt have contact, but i would never stop them going wthout a very good reason.

OP posts:

DebiNewberry · 03/04/2010 20:19

How frustrating for you. Glad your dd's finger is on its way to getting better.

Original poster

mumatron · 03/04/2010 20:22

thanks debi she is alot better now.

OP posts:

pithyslicker · 03/04/2010 20:26

The way I look at it is, if people say the children are old enough to make their own decisions fine, if they then said they both want to go and live with their Dad would you let them make that decision? Because I don't think I would.

LunaticFringe · 03/04/2010 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

mumatron · 03/04/2010 20:33

pithy in my situation the dc's have been let down so many times i dont think that will ever be an issue. but i do appreciate what your point of view.

and lunatic i think that is probably what will happen. they will miss him after a few weeks and ask to go over again. just so frustrating that he is incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship with his own dc.

OP posts:

Flip