To think my mum should be tougher on her grandkids

[WisforWogarts]

My mum recently went on holiday with my brother's ex and their children. So it was just my mum, my ex sister in law and her two kids.

My mum paid quite a bit of money on the holiday (more than she needed to really).

Anyway when they got there SIL turned into a bit of a nut and actually ecouraged her kids to play up. They continuously smacked my mums bum, shouted stuff at her and even on the holiday vid, there is a bit where the eldest boy sneaks up behind my mum and dives on her, grabbing her around the neck and hanging off her!

Apparantly every night sil promised the kids a "mad half hour" where they could "fight" my mum. One of these is also on the video. They purposely made her bed soaking wet through, pulled off the mattress, sprayed suncream all over her clothes.

At one point the room was such a tip the maid refused to clean it!

All the time my sil found it hilarious. My mum said she found it annoying "sometimes" but she's still planning on going back on holiday with them again! She's in her 50s and I really don't think the kids should be treating her like this. Or AIBU?

YABu because it's not up to grannies to control their grandchildren unless they are the main carer. Your SIL sounds like a twat, but your mum's a fool for going again if (and that's a BIG if) she doesn't like it.

It sounds ghastly to me but it's really up to your mum - is she really OK with it?

YABU because it is not a grandparent's job to discipline a GC unless they are left in charge.

However your SIL is behaving with disgusting disrespect towards your mum. Is your mum putting up with it because she thinks she'll never see the GC again if she complains?

Sounds horrendous - but your Mum should have stood up for herself and had a word with ex-SIL about it. Agree, not her job to discipline her DGC when their mum is there, but I would still think she should be able to ask them to stop doing anything she didn't like - that doesn't qualify as "disciplining" them imo.
Sounds a bit like your ex-SIL was taking stuff out on your mum - very immature thing to do if so but your mum has to make her own decisions on what she can put up with.
You have every right to refuse to see film evidence of it though!

I disagree with those who say that it was the exSIL's job to discipline the children, not the grandmother's.

She had paid for the holiday, and was therefore the host, so in my opinion, it is as if exSIL and the children were at the grandmother's house, and were behaving so badly. I would expect my mum or my MIL to have an equal right to discipline my dses if they were behaving so badly at their houses as I would have. Though the responsibility for controlling their behaviour would be mine, of course.

I also think that the grandmother should have disciplined the exSIL, whose behaviour sounds to have been worse than the dgc's - if she was condoning and encouraging the bad behaviour, she was totally out of order, and as a grown up, she should have known better!

how old is your exsil? she sounds completely immature and stupid.
has she got issues with your mum at all?
I can't understand why a parent would let their children treat a greandparent this way.

YANBU.

SIL sounds like a right dickhead and so do her kids. My little one wouldn't even tell my mum that she was being a silly sausage when she burned her hand after going into my oven without an oven mitt! I said "tell nanny she's a silly sausage" and he was like "no, nanny's lovely " Why would these kids want to be so vile to their gran anyway?

Well hell would freeze over before I let my kids treat anyone that way, but it is up to your Mum what she is prepared to put up with.