To eat todays timetable and stay in bed

[fernie3]

My son has terrible trouble with any time in the day (and I mean even 15 mins) where he doesnt have something specific to do - even if it is "watch tv" or something like that he has to know whats going on or it is just chaos he starts having major meltdowns - tantrums are had, people and things are damaged. He is supposed to be on a waiting list for some sort of apppointment about this after the hV was horrified by his devleopment and lack of concentration etc but until then I am pretty much on my own with it. My husband is the same (ok he doesnt damage people or things but I am sure he would if he was 3). He cannot concentrate on an activity unless he has a really specific goal or list of what to do. He is actually very clever but like my son he just has to have a clear idea of what the day will be before it starts not only that both of them need someone to keep them on track during the day and also make that plan either for them or at least with them. Both of them have an area where they WILl concentrate very well, for my husband it is computer programming, he doesnt play games or really even browse around the internet but he will spend upwards of 12 -16 hours a day writing programs etc.
My husband is an adult version of my son, when he was a child he was also sent for some assesment but my MIL never took him and that was the end of that!.

Anyway my husband has recently started working from home and he is actually doing well with the work, not surprisingly after all the time he spends on it he finds alot of the work fairly quick and easy BUT like with anything else he needs to be told "ok you need to spend 3 hours on this projec"t or even "ok you need to have a break now".
Otherwise he just flits wildy between things and nothing gets done which means no income.

Since my son was about 18 month or so I have had to have a very clear timetable for him of what goes on in the day when he was small this started off with just simple things like nap times and eating times but as he gets bigger (he is 3.5 now) this has exploded as i cant leave him unatended and I cant leave gaps of time where there is nothing planned because he just goes mad if the day changes or if he has free time. My husband is the same although for him its more that he would just NEVER get anything done (he can start say washing up think of somehting else and then walk off to start that without thinking "oh i better finish these dishes first".

I have a big timetable that I fill out EVERY day the whole day from waking up at 6-7 am until around 8pm when my husband tends to finish working is planned in half hours slots, and through that time I have to run between the three children and my husband to make sure everyone is on track (my two little girls dont care about timetables etc so at least they are not too bad). I am sick of waking up and seeing this huge list for the day, I am sick of nagging, I am sick of not being able to say "oh I dont feel like that lets do something else".

Would it be unreasonable to just get rid of todays timetable and see what happens?!- my husband is downstairs with the kids watching the formula 1 and I am upstairs I can already hearmy son starting to kick off because the baby isnt dressed yet (husband trying to distract him with food - it wont work).

so unreasonable to leave them to it - or cruel since its not really their fault just the way they are?

Sounds very autistic to me!

I think it is unreasonable to do that, tbh. It is too big. Too much and too unexpected.

Better to plan into the timetable, untimetabled time - if that makes any sense!

You can't go from detailed timetable to nothing, with no warning, if they are autistic you are going to cause terrible anxiety and rage in them. It won't help them to function without the timetable either, done like that.

Put a free spot in the timetable. Have an hour which you call free time, their decision. Have a gap. See how they cope with that.

And build choices into the timetable. For a particular slot, give them option a and option b.

Poor you!! I'm not sure what to say. This sounds really hard. Do your DH and son enjoy lego / making models / cooking? Maybe you could set them a list of activities that they could do for a long time - an enormous mosaic picture made from torn up pieces of paper? and you and the girls could go out for a coffee for an hour or so?

Post this in the special needs area - you might get some more help there.

Good Luck.

JustMyTwoPenceWorth - no one has ever suggested autism but there has been talk of attention problems, the HV wouldnt really discuss it apart from asking if it was ok to refer him. I might try your suggestion of putting options into the day although not sure how well this will go down (would be fine with husband maybe not so much with son). I am now resisting the urge to google autism as I have a feeling I may get upset ! (it took me 3 months to agree to the referal byt the HV).

DeirdreB no they dont enjoy things like that, my husband again would give it a go but my son would not be capable of doing any of those things.
I did post int he special needs area a while aho but feel a bit of a fraud as we have no diasnosis etc.

I hope you don't get upset googling autism etc and don't feel like a fraud posting in Special Needs - you don't need a diagnosis to need a few supporting on line friends!!

fernie, I understand, but taking no action doesn't make it not real. It just delays them getting help and support. It really sounds like there is something there that your child will need help with. Nobody likes to face the fact that there is something different about their child, but you have to try to find out what it is, so that you can access the support they need to try to help them to function more 'normally'.